I Got Into a Fight With a Giant Douche Bag This Morning

I got into a fight this morning.

I was midway through my morning walk with my dog. Hudson. We make the same loop around our neighborhood every day, for the most part, a quiet winding road up and around our little enclave within Coldwater Canon. And then, I walked past a guy sitting in his Bentley, talking on the cell phone while his engine idling.

And that pissed me off.

Few things piss me off like a running engine for no reason. It's not like scientists from all around the world are officially proclaiming that we are in the midst of a global warming crisis, or that The United Nations Council has stated that we have a finite amount of time to bring about changes aiming at combating green house gases and emissions such as those which stream out of exhaust pipes in cars that are running for no reason.

Oh, they have?

Now look, I'm not insane. Were we to be making our morning walk in say, Buffalo, New York in freezing cold weather, then maybe I wouldn't be making such a to do...but this was a 69 degree morning in Beverly Hills, California, and so the following conversation ensued:

Me: Hey. Why don't you turn your car off while you're just sitting there.

(Note to self -- a simple "please" gets you places.)

Douche bag in Bentley: vroom vroom - he guns his engine to make very intimidating manly noise as if to tell me off.

Me: Turn off your car...what's your problem?

DIB: Why don't you get a job so you can find a better way to spend your time other than harassing people?

Me: Are you kidding me? Why don't you take your small penis car out of my neighborhood, you douche bag?

He then peeled away from the curb and yelled out the window at me as I walked away that I probably had some movie deal waiting for me at home, and why didn't I go deal with it, which I found remotely amusing and completely irrelevant.

Now I don't condone anger or violence, or even the use of the term douche bag, but what could possibly be the big deal, and why would someone feel the need to freak out over a simple request to cut an unnecessarily running engine in this day and age? And according to the United States Environmental Protection Agency's press release from the Office of Mobile Sources, emissions from an idling car doesn't just contribute to global warming, it wastes gas. In fact, if you are planning on idling your car for 30 seconds or more, you'll actually save gas by turning the car off and on. With the price of gas these days, that could end up being an entire holiday budget!

The point is we all need to find the simplest and easiest ways to help stop global warming. Turning your engine off while sitting in your car is not only a no brainer, but it can also lead to peace on earth...in my neighborhood, anyway.

Comments

[BuffaloMeridian]

A bottle of Karo Syrup in the gas tank should do the trick (blends better with the fuel than sugar). ;o)

[JZaretsky]

I completely agree with what you're saying, but keep one thing in mind:

Clearly this guy was trying to antagonize you by revving his engine and whatnot. But when you start your car you use 5 minutes of idling gas, so sometimes when I'm waiting for someone for, lets say, 2 minutes, I idle, because I understand that to be more ecologically responsible.

That is to say, in other situations, you meet see people idling with their engines on who are trying to do the responsible thing. Like me. The rest are just jerks.

[cmoncrief]

Former LA guy here, and I recycle, save fuel, etc as much as possible. I drive a small 4 cylinder truck with tire that are always inflated to the max pressure. I hate waste.

But, quite frankly, I think you overstepped your bounds. If someone had done the same thing to me, I would be annoyed, to say the least. Maybe you should have a better plan for dealing with serial gas guzzlers - get a 3x5 card printed up with some relevant information to make people think, rather than piss them off. Hand them out to low millage vehicles, put them under windshields, take some positive action. You get the idea.

You accomplished nothing for the environmental movement; in fact, it seems to me you were more interested in venting some underlying anger on this guy rather than actually effecting a beneficial change. LA has a ton of therapists - go find a good one.

[wadenelson1]

Aw jeez, that's nothing.

Here in Colorado, where it's COLD, people let these humongous diesel pickup trucks idle indefinitely.

Ford F250's. Ram 3500's. GM Duramaxes.­..

They make a rattle that can be heard a block away.

They think, "18 wheel truckers do it, so I should too."

The truth is just the opposite, Ford, GM, Cummins all advise AGAINST allowing these "sport diesels" to idle more than 5 minutes. Serious engine damage can result.

So when I see one idling, I just keep walking.

[WIpatriot]

Ya never know....ma­ybe his starter was on the fritz and if he shut off his car he couldn't re-start it---he was probably on his phone to his mechanic. Now you sent him off driving and talking, and that's better?

[shsofahs]

Honest to God, I don't see how you did anything so wrong (this in response to some people comparing you to the boor you were addressing). I pick up my daughter at school every day and women sit in their cars on gorgeous days with the windows up and the engine running. They can sit there for ten, fifteen minutes. They never get out and walk up to the school door. They never roll down their windows. They just sit there and talk on their phones, oblivious to the world. I have often thought about tapping on their window and asking them why they don't just open it and enjoy some fresh air. But I'm deterred by the prospect of getting into a fight, or instigating a call to 911 to report me for harassment. It's a crying shame that we cannot initiate a simple and reasonable conversation in this country. Maybe I'm wrong about all of them. Maybe some of them would be fine, or just brush me off as some eco-nut. But I have the feeling I would be asking for trouble if I attempted to bring up this matter with the Bubble People.

[Tator]

What you have here was a Religious mugging perpetrated by a Liberal.

Haven’t we all heard a Liberal lamenting the fact “some Christian religious nut” came up to me a tried to save my soul. How discussing and offended they were.

Well those of us in the real scientific world consider the man-made global warming movement nothing more than a cultist religious movement. Close examination of “all the scientist” show nothing more than a bunch UN socialist hacks and those sucking at the “academic grant tit”.

As each day passes the Religion of Global warming crumbles, because the real facts are getting out.

So to me and the guy in the car (an the others not living in LALALALAND) is ‘some Man-made Global Warming religious nut” came up to me and tried to tell me how to live my life based on her religious beliefs.

You were lucky is was not me in the Bently. I do not use profane language, but I would of taken you to the cleaners.

[gwpriester]

People who drive cars like that, or Hummers or those humongous motor homes or other extremely low mileage vehicles don't really give a damn about any thing other than themselves. I even read a comment from one of those million dollar motor home owners who said if you can't affort $8000 for gas when you travel then you should not own one of these motor homes.

If god did not intended for them to leave their engines running or did not want them to purchase gas-guzzling machines then god would not have invented gas pumps! It's pretty hopeless really. Pigs (or douche bags if you will), like this have always been around and I'm sorry to say, always will be.

[HeevenSteven]

If you don't ride a bike to work, or drive a Prius when you need to drive, don't use air conditioning at home or set it no lower than 85, your heat below 65, take navy showers; hang your clothes rather than use a dryer, install solar on the roof; live in 1000 square foot home, drink tap water instead of bottled, I could go on and on; then you really shouldn't throw stones.

Every unnecessary item you buy, every imported piece of food you eat, every electron you use in an appliance uses coal, gas, or oil. We can all be less wasteful. The trick is to do it without tanking the entire economy. Tough problem.

[melakfilms]

Sounds like my old boss. He owns a two-door Bentley and is an older guy who comes over Coldwater every day. He's also constantly pulling over to talk on the cell phone because he's old enough to not be able to handle driving the winding canyon road and talk at the same time.

Older New Yorker with a mustache.

But I really don't know how you thought he would perceive your approach. Whoever he was, he was sitting in a 1/4 million dollar car. You think he cares about saving money or global warming? Hah!

Funny.

[realitytrumpsbull]

I'd say some good advice is to just disregard
other people, no matter how stupidly they're
acting. Unless, of course, they've got guns.
Then, pay attention. Other'n that, let em
do whatever. You'll feel that much better when
you're the first one on your block with a
Mr. Synthgas in the garage, and they have
to go pay money to some guy in some other
country for the dubious privilege of sitting
on an american street in an imported car
while the telco-mobsters write down every
detail of his impending stock trade and beat
him to the punch...

[tcagle]

This is the urban version of Don Quixote, right?

[Qbear]

Depending on how my day was going if someone yelled at me in my car, either I would have used a series of hand gestures (knowing ASL makes flipping the bird so unimaginative,) and ignored your suggestion­...or if I was in good humor, I'd have turned my car off,,,,and under my breath said,..."B­*TCH!"

[Chuckwheat]

How big is your dog? I'm surprised he didn't hop out of the car and mess you up!

[sd4david]

I have you beat. I live in San Diego. Almost every day my neighbor has his car idling, and nobody is even in it. i actually hope it gets stolen. and i'm sure he would be unreceptive to my opinion about his waste, even if i was super polite. some people won't change, which just puts more burden on the rest of us to make up for them.