I Got Into a Fight With a Giant Douche Bag This Morning

I got into a fight this morning.

I was midway through my morning walk with my dog. Hudson. We make the same loop around our neighborhood every day, for the most part, a quiet winding road up and around our little enclave within Coldwater Canon. And then, I walked past a guy sitting in his Bentley, talking on the cell phone while his engine idling.

And that pissed me off.

Few things piss me off like a running engine for no reason. It's not like scientists from all around the world are officially proclaiming that we are in the midst of a global warming crisis, or that The United Nations Council has stated that we have a finite amount of time to bring about changes aiming at combating green house gases and emissions such as those which stream out of exhaust pipes in cars that are running for no reason.

Oh, they have?

Now look, I'm not insane. Were we to be making our morning walk in say, Buffalo, New York in freezing cold weather, then maybe I wouldn't be making such a to do...but this was a 69 degree morning in Beverly Hills, California, and so the following conversation ensued:

Me: Hey. Why don't you turn your car off while you're just sitting there.

(Note to self -- a simple "please" gets you places.)

Douche bag in Bentley: vroom vroom - he guns his engine to make very intimidating manly noise as if to tell me off.

Me: Turn off your car...what's your problem?

DIB: Why don't you get a job so you can find a better way to spend your time other than harassing people?

Me: Are you kidding me? Why don't you take your small penis car out of my neighborhood, you douche bag?

He then peeled away from the curb and yelled out the window at me as I walked away that I probably had some movie deal waiting for me at home, and why didn't I go deal with it, which I found remotely amusing and completely irrelevant.

Now I don't condone anger or violence, or even the use of the term douche bag, but what could possibly be the big deal, and why would someone feel the need to freak out over a simple request to cut an unnecessarily running engine in this day and age? And according to the United States Environmental Protection Agency's press release from the Office of Mobile Sources, emissions from an idling car doesn't just contribute to global warming, it wastes gas. In fact, if you are planning on idling your car for 30 seconds or more, you'll actually save gas by turning the car off and on. With the price of gas these days, that could end up being an entire holiday budget!

The point is we all need to find the simplest and easiest ways to help stop global warming. Turning your engine off while sitting in your car is not only a no brainer, but it can also lead to peace on earth...in my neighborhood, anyway.

Comments

[Oread]

Was this a humor post....?
Wow. If not...I am not so sure I would be proud of myself for this, let alone post a smug blog about it anywhere, let alone huffpo. From your description, if you really felt the burning need to tell this guy your problem with him (which...ya didn't...ahem), you could've done it in a much more polite and well-mannered way that helps the rest of us out by not making environmentalists look like confrontational assholes.
Please go spend some time making a REAL, well-thought-out effort and impact. Live off the grid, move out of LA for god's sake...I hear people down there drive everywhere...even three blocks away, which means you've got a lot of people sitting in their cars minding their own business to confront and holler DOUCHEBAG at.

Please, please, please tell me this was humor. I am embarassed on your behalf. Please learn manners ASAP.

[Heyman]

Good point. Selfish, egotistical and uncaring.
Peace. Sue...

[Mormondude]

Wow, two arrogant jerks going at it.

Sounds like a new HBO series...

[starrianna]

Suzy, honey, nice try but...

THERE are WORSE things than an idling car in Coldwater Canyon, Beverly Hills, CA:

*** Polar Bears getting killed
*** Whaling and Dolphin Killing in Japan
*** Bush Admin killing 100,000+ in Iraq
*** about 1,000,000 other things

Why did the guy in the Bentley keep his car idling?

To be able to quickly get away from some random psycho who invades his personal space (his car) to scream at him about global warming!

Honey, this is L.A. How did he know you weren't some NUT who was going to pull out a gun and try to rob him or tie him up naked (like what happened to Zsa Zsa's husband in Bel Air last month)?

You might want to reconsider the relative weight of things in the universe and stop:

*** Voting for Assholes
*** Contributing to Lost Causes
*** Volunteering your Time and Millions $$$ to actually making a BIG difference.

As far as your morning walk, try to be Buddhist about it, go home and meditate.

[alkamm]

People have pointed out that driving to and thru a drive-in coffee joint for one's daily fix of coffee wastes plenty of gasoline, and the money from that gasoline and the latte's could add up. What the Bentley drivers of the world do to increase their carbon foot print is probably the least of the problem.
It's like bitching about and banning goose liver pate and allowing big fried chicken joints to sell Frankenfood chickens.
I hate a cell phone car driver, but at least he was stopped.
If we want to do something about big engines and big shots exercising their egos in cavalier fashion, let's get some big taxes on their gas guzzling vehicles. Let's also make fines proportionate to income as they do in Scandanavian countries so that our fat cats can support energy savings with huge fines each time they or their drivers speed, roll through stop signs, or drive drunk as is their wont.
Let's not get mad, let's get even.

[SamThornton]

Wait a second. Was the driver Larry David by any chance? This sounds like a scene from "Curb Your Enthusiasm." Were there cameras around? Striking writers? If Larry David is writing and filming new CYE episodes under the radar, would he be scabbing on himself?

[Texocrat24]

Woof, Woof, Suzy!

[dannyo152]

And pets are a net gain or loss in the global warming accounts? Not to make you feel ashamed or to claim some faux superiority over you, but to suggest, aguably, this could be a case of glass house owner throws brick.

I question if the upside potential of the intervention was so great that it would be worth trying again should similar circumstances present themselves. Would you agree with my surmise that after the jack-rabbit gas-guzzling escape, Mr. Bentley went some where else to idle his hydro-carbons away, making the morning a greater loss? I admire your passion: I think the trick is to spread the message inclusively.

[ChiGuy]

An addendum to your note to yourself about "a simple 'please'":

Starting with a smile, and the words "Excuse me..." might have been a good jumping off point as well.

As far as the price of gas being a consideration;
The jerk was driving a Bentley. He couldn't care less if the price of a gallon of gas hit $5.00 a gallon. He probably spends more on gas in three days than I do for my twelve year-old 4 cylinder car in a month.
(On top of his $4.00 daily latte.)