My Dog Has No Balls

My dog has no balls.

And I'm proud of it.

That's not to say he isn't brave (he guards his house like the best of them) or handsome or virile or protective. He just has no balls because he doesn't need them. They were removed when I had him neutered after rescuing him from the Los Angeles South Central Shelter when he was six months old.

Having a pet spayed or neutered actually extends its lifespan by a few years and reduces any aggressive traits or tendencies. It also greatly cuts down on over-populations in cats and dogs, so that more and more pets remain in loving and responsible homes, and fewer are turned into one of this country's six thousand local shelters where an estimated four million animals are needlessly executed each year.

What a way to treat man's so-called "best friend." Six to eight million dogs and cats are deposited in United States shelters annually because of over-population or, pathetically, lack of interest. Only half of those find new adoptive home, with only thirty percent of shelter dogs reclaimed by owners. During the holidays, consumers buzzing with Christmas spirit buy puppies out of pet shop windows without realizing just how exhausting housetraining can be, or without having thought through how big that Saint Bernard puppy will grow to be one day. Or worse, once the puppy has grown out of its cute and adorable stage and needs attention, exercise and bathroom breaks, some new owners just decide their new "toy" is too time-consuming, and choose to dump the animal at the pound. April tends to be the month with the heaviest turn-in ratio. The cruelest and most cutting moment comes when an animal watches its owner walk away after dropping it off at what most likely will be the last stop in its sad life -- its face questioning the reason for the abandonment, questions that will never be answered.

So you're thinking, "I don't have a pet, I'm not part of the problem," or "I treat my Irish Setter like family, this doesn't affect me," -- unless, of course, you're Mitt Romney, the next president of the United States of Dog Diarrhea -- but it does, because you're already deeply involved in the problem. In California alone, taxpayers foot the bill for the nearly $300 million annual cost to house and euthanize these animals They generally suffer deplorable conditions and lonely existences. And the numbers are not declining, even with educational efforts and low-cost spay-neuter programs.

Which is why it is time to solve this country's pet over-population problem once and for all. The solution comes in the form of legislation, such as a bill currently making its way through the California legal system. AB1634, the California Healthy Pets Act, proposes to require most people to spay or neuter their pets by the age of six months. Owners who do not comply under the proposed law will be fined accordingly. Animal control authorities will be responsible for overseeing effective enforcement of the bill, which is not that far of a stretch from what's currently in place, as one can rarely receive an unfixed dog from a city shelter or rescue group -- after all why create a problem from one that's been resolved?

When first proposed, the bill raised the hackles of pure-bred dog breeders, thinking the state had in mind some all-seeing Orwellian eye that would threaten their livelihood and eliminate their rights to continue breeding their lineages. In fact, they are coming to realize they have nothing by which to be concerned. Exempt from the bill are legal registered breeders who obtain a permit, law enforcement dogs, show dogs, dogs whose health would be threatened by spay or neutering, as well as service and guide dogs.

Those the bill does target are the so called, "backyard breeders," people who churn out dogs in inhumane ways, whose dogs have tons of puppies because the owners are too lazy to have them fixed, or because they wish to sell them without obtaining a license or paying taxes. People who have no room or yard or means to take care of their animals, and in turn so neglect them that they either become threats to society, or worse, clog the city shelters after abandonment.

And then there's this. There are people who feel neutering a male dog is akin to defacing it, and some male owners just seem to have some strange and pathetic testicular infatuation with their dog's manhood -- or as I like to call it, Ball Infatuation. To those I say, "Gentlemen, measure your own worth by your own, well, you know, not your dog's."

Opposition to bills such as AB1634 seems inane to me, but that's probably because I spend time visiting these overrun shelters, and because I cannot for the life of me see an end in sight to this miserable debacle without passage of like bills. And also because I countless nights awake thinking of the millions of deserving dogs like the love of my life Hudson the dog, who spend their nights alone and scared and so undeserving of their own cruel fates.

It's about time man and woman became the best friend these dogs deserve. Get some balls, if you will, and support propositions such as AB1634, the California Healthy Pets Act. And in the words of the great Bob Barker, have your pets spayed or neutered.

Comments

[AlaskaMad]

I own 4 dogs. None of them have ovaries or balls. They are all dogs that nobody wanted because they got too big or they had behavior problems. None are over weight, lazy or have bladder problems like people say happens to dogs that are "fixed".
My daughter has also adopted 3 unwanted mutts. One of her "garbage mutts" is now a champion at agility competitions in our state. Another has been trained as a companion dog that goes to senior homes and cancer homes so the patients can pet him. None of her dogs have balls either.
My son adopted an untrainable pit bull. She now competes in fly-ball competition working as 1 of a team of 4 dogs. She takes a little extra care when around other dogs because she likes to play rough, but when other dogs get to know her they get along fine.
The only time we have "balls" around our house is on Thanksgiving and Christmas when my kids bring their dogs to our house. They have a real ball all playing with each other in our house.
I support your las to require having dogs and cats all fixed, but I know it is going to be an uphill battle.

[CynAnne]

... I'm with you, AlaskaMad. Every animal I've ever owned (cat or dog) was fixed by the end of their first year of life, and the 'pros' outweigh the 'cons' more often than not, not to mention not having the unpleasant decision of what to do with yet another litter (a rather low class friend of my husband has a female dog that breeds two or three litters every year, and this 'human' drives to other neighborhoods to 'dump' them, in the dark of night - a thoroughly disgusting practice, IMO). People who really care about their animals take care of them, and that includes having them fixed before you're up to your ankles in unwanted whelps..! >_< ...

[Texocrat24]

Bravo, Suzy. Bravo. Welcome to HuffPo. (Let's just hope you get Rich to contribute.)

[mommadona]

Oh, that "ball" thing - you said it loud and clear. Just try to get the teen to adult male with the "cute little pitbull puppy" to even consider it.

Along with the "fixin'", I also included the micro-chipping. Invaluable. And responsible.

[dadw5boys]

Pitbull? why not just get a loaded gun and leave it laying around your house?

[dtl1218]

I've got an adopted spayed 5 year old female pitbull mix and an adopted neutered 3.5 year old male AmStaff mix, and they would lick you to to death before ever harming you. I've seen little ankle biter dogs more vicious then most of the big dogs. Its all about how you raise and train them.

[Chukchi1]

http://www.journalgazette.net/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070908/APN/709080608&template=apart

Though FDA approved, microchip implants linked to animal cancer

[Twopennygal]

There's always neutering the dog "proud." That way they can keep their balls, just not the ability to reproduce. A very macho family friend from my childhood did that with his doberman. He was always very proud of himself for preserving his dog's "manhood."

[BadChristian]

I thought you were writing about our press.

[ProfessorVP]

Good one, bad!

But seriously, my dog was neutered when I got him from the shelter also. They won't let you adopt one w/o spay or neuter. He is 95 pounds of energy, happy and healthy. The people who let their animals reproduce, then wind up in parking lots giving away kittens and puppies to anybody- the thought is pretty scary- are plain selfish and lazy. Even lower on the moral totem pole are the backyard breeders who crank out animals and post on Craigslist. One step even lower- Craigslist, for turning a blind eye to it, thus being an enabler.

[Nommo]

Kinda like your congress (except that he protects the house).

[dadw5boys]

nahhh No balls = nothing to protect.

[BLOGGINGBITCH]

Colbert weeps.

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