Huffpost Comedy

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Sybil Adelman Sage Headshot

The "Always Ready Guy"

Posted: Updated:

How many times have I been jolted out of a deep sleep by a TV commercial with a booming male voice pushing Cialis so that he can "always be ready"? Being awakened by promos for sexual aids is the new being awakened to have sex.

Cialis also makes a shorter-acting dosage that will limit his readiness to three days, no doubt, being marketed to those with sexual ADD, medical residents, firefighters, astronauts and the terminally ill, but also useful for the commitment phobic. By checking the dosage, a woman can predetermine how long she should expect him to stick around ... unless he's a day trader and will share his readiness among three girls.

As a woman already multitasking and on overload, I hope our house will be a Cialis-free zone. And it's not just my husband I don't want taking it. I wouldn't welcome an "always ready" guy at one of our dinner parties. The commercial cautions those taking the sex-enhancement pill not to drink excessively, which is a useful screening tool. If a man is not a recovering alcoholic or Muslim and yet is limiting his alcohol intake, it could be he's on Cialis. As a hostess, I'd rather not have a dinner guest who's "always ready" come into the kitchen while I'm scraping food off plates.

The promo makes the claim, "Only a physician can determine if it's right for you." Aren't they overlooking the guy's partner, the one who has to respond to the 24/7 readiness? What if she's finishing a novel, training for the marathon or involved in a scrapbooking project?

There's an added cautionary note advising the "always ready" guy to call his doctor if he has an erection that lasts more than four hours. We're all familiar with the routine of trying to reach a doctor, which gets you to a series of taped options, telling you the appropriate button to push. None of my doctors tells you what to press "if your erection is heading into hour five." Rather than call the doctor, I'd head straight to Hooters.