Note: The following contains spoilers if you have not seen Season 2, Episode 6 of "Teen Mom 2," entitled "Making Moves."
Update: Shortly before this episode of "Teen Mom 2" aired, Jenelle was arrested on Mon., Jan 17 for violating a domestic violence probation order. It was her second arrest in one week.
Yikes ... smells like broken teen spirit. Oh wait sorry, that was just Jenelle smoking the weed.
By the way, did Jenelle mention that she loves the weed? 'Cause she does, and not being able to smoke it because she's on probation/it's illegal is really just unfair! Speaking of unfair, living with Bahbrah is insufferable because she has intense rules like "stahhht looking for work" and "don't sleep till noooon."
All those things are hard to do, though, when you're actively trying to avoid reefer and other things it rhymes with, like Kieffer. So in order to start fresh, Jenelle decides to move out and live with a darling couple named Tori and Tyler. (Hello, spinoff!)
While packing up Jenelle's room, her friend comes across an old note from Kieffer that would make Morrissey and the gods of love weep. It says: "I'm better at writing my words than speaking them. I don't know why you make me feel the way you do. We belong together princess, and we don't gotta prove shit to no one." Jenelle's friend rips it up.
When she's all settled into her new pad (with Kief-speare on her mind), Jenelle gets a Facebook message.
Kieffer writes: "I miss yu baby u meen everything to me plz come talk to me I am lost without yu 117." While we don't know what '117' stands for, it's obvious that love means never having to say, "I'm sorry I don't believe in punctuation."
Jenelle writes, "yu can come to my house if yu like," noting that "no funny business" can take place. For example, if he finds the letter 'O' on his way over, he must be sure to avoid it because that vowel's cray. When he arrives, they promptly forgive each other and decide to take things slow. In case you were wondering, they are NOT dating. They are talking and working things out. One can only assume that this beautiful union is destined to last ... at least, until next week.
Chelsea's already brought home the leopard, so now it's time to focus on the bacon. She needs to get a job, and she knows just where to find it ... the local tanning salon, Year Round Brown. (That's not a joke, it's really the name.) A fine piece of leather conducts the interview, and since Chelsea's already a good shade of orange, she gets the gig.
It's obviously not her dream job, but it's a way to make some money and get her out of the house. Her dad is glad she's "getting some purpose in life," but mean boyfriend Adam mostly wants her to get melanoma.
His default setting is "Miserable," but when he comes over to hang with Chelsea and this random pug that's sometimes around, he's in a particularly foul mood. Chelsea wants to watch a movie, but Adam would rather star in his own film, entitled "Verbally Abuse the Mother of Your Child." He calls her "stupid as hell" and wonders why she gives him the "dumbest looks in the world." (That's kinda just her face, guy).
Chelsea knows she should be happy, but The First Man has her seriously depressed. If she was capable of looking pale, she would be. "It's like I'm this close to my own place with Adam and Aubree, and the only thing stopping it is he doesn't want it." She understands she can't change his mind or heart, but something tells us she's still going to try.
Kailyn's worried about her decision to petition Jo for child support, so she invites some local scholars named Mark and Dylan to discuss things over pizza. She explains that Isaac deserves more than she can give him and since Jo lives at home and makes good money, he has a larger financial obligation to his son.
Meanwhile, Jo sits in his parents' home that he stays in for free and tells his brother that Kailyn is "living off the government" and is basically trying to pull a fast one on him. Why doesn't she understand that he cannot waste half of his paychecks on his son's diapers and clothing when he has a music career to cultivate? Did no one hear the incredible flows he spit in his rap song "Unthinkable Remix"? Does anybody realize how much it costs to rent a Hampton Inn room for a dope music video? Backpack rappers get no respect, man.
In the real world, Kailyn gets a letter explaining that if things go her way, Jo will owe $489 a month, plus $89 for "back child support." After Jordan (the Oprah of "Teen Mom 2" boyfriends) urges her to talk with Jo, she gives him a call. They decide to meet in a hallowed spot: Tic Toc Diner.
Upon entering Ke$ha's restaurant, Kailyn is struck with a rare and seldom-discussed disorder: Baby Nickname Overkill-itis. She calls Isaac "stinky" not once, not twice, but five times in a row. OK, he gets it: He could use a bath -- but honestly Kail, your hair isn't screaming "I shower regularly" either.
The only thing more intense than their discussion is Kailyn's gum chomping. She tries to play it cool, but her overactive jaw gives her away. Seriously, cows are in awe. She's obviously a nervous wreck, and with good reason: Jo's really standing his ground. After a few rounds of verbal sparring that devolves into cursing, nobody wins, and Jo's planning to appeal. "If I'm going to fight with you, it's going to be in court," he says. Looks like somebody's gonna write a real emotional song tonight.
Leah and Corey can finally stop worrying about little Ali and start focusing on her development, but there's a catch -- her doctors are over an hour away, near Leah's mom. Leah is aching to leave the trailer park behind, but they can't afford it. Poor Corey's about as down in the mouth as a mouth-breather can be. His job doesn't pay well and the insurance is awful.
He's thinking about becoming a coal miner because the money is better and he hasn't seen "October Sky." It sounds pretty awful, but Corey's willingness to go down into the dark (isn't that like, what happens?) casts a new light on him. He seems totally aloof, but maybe he's just too busy puzzling over their future -- and Ali's mysterious illness -- to spend much time talking. Or, maybe he just isn't very bright and I just saw a great chance for some imagery and went with it. Either way.
Just as the family seems to be taking some baby steps forward, a startling letter stops them in their tracks. "The case of Alianna's clinical presentation remains unknown. She may have an unspecified form of Skeletal Dysplasia," it reads. The couple has no idea what this means, so Leah searches the web. Most of the definitions are confusing, but the phrase "sometimes called Dwarfism" is hard to misinterpret.
Finally, a doctor explains to Leah that because of Ali's age and size, they can't test for every possible issue right now. "Until she gets older" a skeletal condition can't be ruled out. Corey puts it eloquently: "The bones don't grow right."
Leah and Corey will have to wait 12 months before they can bring Ali back ... but when every passing minute feels like a year, a year probably feels like a decade.
"Teen Mom 2" airs Tuesdays at 10 p.m. EST on MTV
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.