iOS app Android app More

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
Sydney Levin

GET UPDATES FROM Sydney Levin
 

'Teen Mom 2' Recap: The Most Painful Truths Are Revealed

Posted: 02/05/2013 2:26 am

Chelsea

Though she hasn't gotten her GED results, Chelsea's getting ahead by taking the Black Hills Beauty School entrance exam. It has very hard questions on it like: "Obesity means most nearly: A) Obstinacy, B) Instrument, C) Fat, D) Lethargy." That's a super easy one, since the answer is a synonym for "how Chelsea currently looks."

Oh hey, while we're at it Chels, I'm pretty sure you got No. 6: "Access means most nearly" totally wrong. I'm gonna go head and say it was "B) Admittance," but good try with "D) Too much." That definitely makes sense too, if you don't know what the very simple word "access" means.

Afterwards, Ryan Seacrest's straight counterpart comes out to deliver the good news: She got a 91! That means she's officially accepted! She runs to tell her friend Landon, and he says something like, "That's great, but I want to be sure you noticed that I've shaved leopard spots into my head." Then they sit for a while and shorten words and laugh over how funny they sound. But sadly, the joy is interrupted when Adam calls Chelsea. Instead of a dramatic fight, though, it's just a little hello from Ms. Aubree. "You guys, that hurt my heart," Chelsea whines. "He didn't say anything." It's for the best, Chels. You probably want to wait until that massive forehead zit heals before trying to see him, anyway. Also, they'll probably teach you this in beauty school, but dark concealer doesn't make a blemish go away. It just makes it look like it went to the Jersey Shore.

When her final GED results come, Chelsea drives to her dad's house. She lets Aubree open the envelop, which takes about four years, but -- drum roll please -- she passed!

To celebrate, Chelsea's parents bring her pals and their random babies out for a special meal. I was momentarily confused about Chelsea's mom's adolescent headband, but then I realized the true reason she was all gussied up: Randy was there with his second wife, Rita! We've never seen this Rita character before, and I'm pretty blown away. I would have bet on Jace's paternity test that Randy had moved on to men folk after his divorce, but it looks like I'm wrong for the very first time in my entire life. Though to be honest, Rita's a grade-A beard if I ever did see one. Seriously, she must have Hugh Jackman's wife on speed dial.


Kailyn

As Isaac's second birthday approaches, Kailyn's busy planning the party ... and spending more time with Javi. They're about as cute as can be -- especially when MTV immediately cuts to Jo and Vee chowing down at a bake shop. I don't know much about Vee or her aspirations in life, but she certainly has a future in eating-while-wearing-gigantic-earrings. It's an impressive skill right up there with perfectly-curling-just-two-strands-of-hair. If anyone's hiring, shoot her a note. Speaking of notes, Vee hopes that writing one to Kailyn could break the ice and help them come together. "You never know how she'll react," Jo warns Vee. "She's unpredictable." (That's sort of eerie foreshadowing, especially given Kailyn's recent revelation: She has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.)

When Kailyn and Jo do the baby-trade later, Jo gingerly hands her a piece of paper. He looks as nervous as someone who only has two facial settings (dead-behind-the-eyes and angry-but-still-dead-behind-the-eyes) possibly can. Vee writes that she has no plans to take Kailyn's place in Isaac's life, but would very much like to get to know him and be civil with her.

"I don't really know how to react to that," Kailyn spits immediately. She's impressed by Vee's guts, but she's very strong in her convictions: Words aside, she's not ready for any involvement with Jo's latest piece. Jo must have taken a pre-letter Xany bar, because he's cool as a cucumber. He's even doing that slow talking thing that secretly stressed out people do to feign relaxation. When he asks why Kailyn has such a problem with his gal pal, he inadvertently trips her momma bear wire and she lets loose a flood of venomous thoughts. She's talking a mile and minute, falling over her own frantic words and whipping herself into a blotchy-faced frenzy.

She's basically been fighting for what's hers her entire life, and it's obvious that she's feeling threatened. Her son is the only person who hasn't disappointed her, and she sure as hell doesn't want to share that unconditional love with the chick who she still sees as a home wrecker. "Just shut up. I can't stand you right now," she eventually scrams. It's not like her to talk nasty in front of Isaac, and even Jo seems taken aback. She's stooped to a new, immature level -- but everyone knows that anger is rooted in pain.

To prove just how mad he is, Jo rips out of the driveway as fast as his Hyundai Elantra can go. It's like he's auditioning for a part in "The Not-So-Fast-But -Still-Furious 5: Daddy's Pain."

Later, Kailyn confides in Toni, a friend we've never seen before. She's unattractive in that way that makes it hard to tell if she's slightly older or just kind of fat. I'll go with "slightly older" because it feels a little nicer, and I'm actively working on that. ("Also, say something like that her chin is hanging off her face!" my boyfriend just noted really happily. So, there you go.) "I don't hate her, I'm just not ready to involve myself with them," Kailyn admits. Toni asks if something else deeper is hurting her, and Kailyn finally comes clean: Ignoring Vee allows her to live in a world of denial where Jo isn't with someone else.

After the fact, Kailyn felt horrible about how she talked to Jo. She decided to mend fences by inviting him to the birthday party she's throwing for Isaac ... but he doesn't answer her when she calls to check in. Isaac has a wonderful time, but Kailyn's not her best self. She breaks into quiet sobs as Isaac tries to eat his candles. He's growing up so fast, and Kailyn wishes he could celebrate with both parents in one room. Just when she least expects it, Jo shows up at the big fiesta. He gives Javi a man hug and is very cordial. To be honest, it's Kailyn's constant "this is awkward" outbursts that truly make it awkward.

After Isaac's second second birthday party at Jo's house, he drops him back with Kailyn. She admits her fears about Vee taking her role/Isaac generally enjoying Jo's big family more than her little makeshift one. She's scared that when he's older and can choose with whom he wants to live, he'll pick Jo. He seems genuinely touched by her openness, and even a little sad for her. Their talk ends with a game of catch and a rock-paper-scissors for who has to change the next dirty diaper. "This is what co-parenting is all about," Jo jokes. It's a sweet moment -- and one that proves things are all uphill from here.

Note: I take back that last sentence now that I've seen the trailer for the next episode. Oh. Em. God. Poop's going down.

Leah

When Jeremy comes home from his long week on the 'ol pipeline, he's got quite a welcoming committee: His new fiance, her twins ... and a bun in the oven. No, I don't mean Leah's prepared some Pillsbury cut-n-serve treats -- the most fertile gal in the history of MTV is prego again. "It aint really set in yet," Jeremy admits as his step-children scream and mutilate their pet dog in the background.

When Jeremy hits the road again, Leah realizes it's time to tell the rest of the world that she's adding to the overpopulation of our planet yet again. Her mom, sporting an interesting new strawberry blonde 'do, comes over to hang out. "I got my IUD took out," Leah says. (You really can't fault her for how stupid she sounds; For rednecks, English is truly a second language.) "Well ... I ... am ... pregnant." Her mom is stunned "You're a fertile myrtle. That's a lot to intake first thing es morning." Looks like the apple don't far from that there illiterate tree.

Next stop on the pregnancy tour is friend Kayla. Her response is a mix of horror and shock, which puts Leah on the defense immediately. She explains that Jeremy works away from home six days a week, so like, what were the chances of getting pregnant? Uhm, when you're not on birth control, I'm gonna go ahead and say about 100 percent. Leah confesses that Corey still has no idea that she's even engaged, and she knows it's time to fill him in. She wants to get to him before any gossip can.

On the night of the baby drop-off, Leah asks Corey if he could come by the house instead of a public spot. When she tells him they need to talk about something serious, there's palpable fear in his voice. He takes the news of the engagement pretty well, although he won't look her in the eye. He seems to know that the real blow hasn't yet been dealt.

"Whassarumoraboutyoubeinpregnant," Corey says in his usual clear, coherent language. Leah gets all coy, cocking her head and saying, "Maybe they're true." Then, like a real adult, she sloooowly writes "Y" for "yes" on one of those magnetic writing board thingys. The internet calls it a Megasketch, and Corey looks like he wants to Megadie. He grits his teeth and rubs his eyes, trying to pretend that he's having a sudden allergy attack indoors. Eventually, he can't hide his emotions: Tears slide down his face and he bolts for the door. When it comes to awful reactions to her spawn, Leah's totally three for three. After the encounter, Leah admits that she's still confused about Corey -- and that if she wasn't pregnant, it would be easier to leave Jeremy. The truth finally comes out -- and in about nine months, the reason she has to keep those feelings a secret will, too!

In bed that night, Leah calls Jeremy hoping to assuage her fears. "Do you still want a baby?" she asks pitifully. "Yeah, I want a baby. Duh," is his romantic, convincing reply.

The next time Leah sees Corey, he admits he wishes he had done things differently in the past. Leah says she similarly hasn't moved on, and it's a seriously depressing moment. "I'm stuck," Leah cries. "I come home everyday to nothing. I see why you rushed into it. You was lacking somebody," Corey replies rather sagely. They take one last longing look at each other as they stand between their trucks. What's done is done -- and whether she meant to or not, Leah's made a decision that's far more binding than her new ring.

I'm going to go ahead and assume that Jeremy didn't enjoy watching this episode. Also, shout out to his and Leah's reportedly newborn baby! Hey you, don't take it too personally!

Jenelle

Though Jenelle has no desire to be near Andrew and desperately hopes he's not Jace's father, she wants to figure it out once and for all. She calls Andrew to give him the info, and he asks for a video chat with Jace. Though the thought of seeing him makes Jenelle queasy, she agrees so that he'll follow through on his part of the deal. Since she's in North Carolina and he's in Florida, it's the only semblance of "face to face" communication they can have.

We finally get a peek at Potential Daddy No. 1 and boy, is he a looker. He's rocking some strange brown blotch-y skin that could either be the remnants of a sunburn or some unfortunate birth marks, but my vote is for meth face. "He does not look like me, Jenelle," he says point-blank. "I'm ready for them to say I'm not the father. If he is not mine, then I'm going to get his name off child support, and I'm going to get his name off the birth certificate. I'm not paying for a child that's not mine." Though it's harsh, it's also a legit request. Why should he shell out for the ex who cheated on him and raise a kid that he has no ties to?

Up until now, I'm not really hating this dude -- until he waves goodbye. As he flutters his big hands, I see them: SILVER MAN RINGS. "Oh my god, I hate talking to him," Jenelle spits. I'm with you now, Jenelle. I'm with you.

After a tense few moments in the Any Lab Test Now waiting room, they're called into the back for the results. I just wanna go ahead and say I hope none of my beautiful readers ever need to go to an Any Lab Test Now facility. I truly don't think Anything Good Can Happen There. Anyway, in a shocking twist, the technician says that Andrew is 99.97 percent the father. "Cool," is Jenelle's emotional response. "He looks so much like the othah guy. This is terribaaaahl news. Jace is gonna be screwed uhp," is Bahhbrahh's sensitive reply.

Gonna go out on a limb here and say that with a mother like Jenelle, he never really had a fighting chance to begin with.

Jenelle and Bahhbrahh Skype Andrew, who is still very confident that he's sent in his very last child support payment. When Jenelle breaks the news to him, he covers his face and has something that looks like a panic attack. "I'm going to be in his life 100 percent for a fact. Your mom has done a great job raising him," he says. He's talking super fast, and something seems off. He's gotta be on uppers, right? There's no way a truly normal person gets mixed up with Jenelle. Neither she nor Bahhbrahh buy his whole Father of the Year speech -- and for them, the most shocking part of this whole experience would be if he actually followed through.

A week later, Jenelle and Bahhbrahh are proven correct: They haven't heard a peep from Andrew. Still, Bahhbrahh's not fazed. If Andrew lapses on his child support, she "will find him, and he will pay." In a startling moment of mother/daughter openness, she also tells Jenelle she's very proud of her. Though it's pretty pathetic that not going to jail/being arrested/mauling anyone close to her is worthy of praise, it's kind of all Bahhbrahh has. And for this demented family, it's enough.

"Teen Mom 2" airs Mondays at 10 p.m. EST on MTV.

Loading Slideshow...
  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Emma Stone stopped by the "Good Morning America" studios in NYC on April 24, with her "The Amazing Spider-Man 2" co-stars Andrew Garfield and Jamie Foxx.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Tori Spelling's husband Dean McDermott had a heated exchange with a paparazzo in LA on April 23

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Jessica Alba landed in NYC on April 23.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Rumer Willis attended the 5th Annual Elle Women in Music Celebration presented by CUSP by Neiman Marcus in Hollywood, Calif. Hosted by Elle Editor-in-Chief Robbie Myers, the April 22 event featured performances by Sarah McLachlan, Angel Haze and Betty Who.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Jason Sudeikis shared a laugh with Rebecca Hall on set of "Tumbledown" in Boston on April 22.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Taylor Swift engaged in some retail therapy in NYC on April 22.

  • Celebrity News: April 2014

    Drew Barrymore gave birth to her second child, a baby girl named Frankie Barrymore Kopelman, on April 22.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Cameron Diaz attended the premiere of "The Other Woman" at the Regency Village Theatre in Westwood, Calif., on April 21

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Katy Perry headed to Jimmy Kimmel's studio in Hollywood, Calif., on April 21.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Sofia Vergara wowed at "Good Morning America" on April 21.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Selena Gomez went on a coffee run in Studio City, Calif. on April 21.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Busy Philipps and husband Marc Silverstein had some fun at Coachella on April 20.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Gwen Stefani headed to her parents' house on Easter Sunday, April 20, with her husband Gavin Rossdale and three kids, Kingston, Zuma and Apollo.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Tia Mowry soaked up some sun in Cabo, Mexico with her husband Cory Hardrict on April 19.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Jennifer Lopez and boyfriend Casper Smart had a casual dinner at Madeo in West Hollywood on April 17.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Aubrey Plaza, Jason Ritter, Dade Constantine, and Kayla Dobson attended the "About Alex" premiere afterparty during the Tribeca Film Festival at Kutsher's Tribeca in NYC, April 17.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Pregnant singer Christina Aguilera and her fiance Matthew Rutler were photographed out and about in New York City on April 17.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Katie Holmes spotted out and about in New York City on April 17.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    "Downton Abbey" actress Jessica Brown Findlay hopped on a train at Manchester Piccadilly Train Station after her interview on "BBC Breakfast" on April 17 in England.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Heather Graham visited NBC Studios for an appearance on "The Today Show" on April 17 in New York City.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Justin Bieber and his crew, including Lil Za, were spotted out for dinner at The Grove in Los Angeles, Calif., on April 16.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Georgia May Jagger, daughter of Mick Jagger, filmed a commercial for Rimmel London in London, England, on April 15.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Halle Berry filmed scenes for her TV series "Extant" in Century City, Calif. on April 15.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Lauren Conrad did some shopping in West Hollywood on April 15.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Jamie Foxx and Dane DeHaan posed during a photocall for their film "The Amazing Spider-Man 2" prior to the German premiere of the film in Berlin on April 15.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Kim Kardashian and her fiance Kanye West walked hand-in-hand as they went shopping in Givenchy, Balmain and Lanvin on April 14 in Paris, France.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan-Tatum joked around backstage at the 2014 MTV Movie Awards at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live in Los Angeles, Calif., on April 13.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Lupita Nyong'o arrived at the 2014 MTV Movie Awards at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live in Los Angeles, Calif., on April 13.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Taylor Swift and a friend were spotted out and about in New York City on April 12.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Jessica Biel was all smiles as she headed out for an espresso in New York City on April 12.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Leonardo DiCaprio stopped by the McDonald’s® and Stingray Desert Coachella Pool Party at the Bootsy Bellows Estate on April 12 to celebrate the launch of McDonald’s® Bacon Clubhouse Burger™ and the 2014 Corvette Stingray.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Julianne Hough looked Coachella cool at The Old Navy Oasis in Indio, Calif.m on April 12.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Selena Gomez and Kendall and Kylie Jenner at the first weekend of The Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival on April 11.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield visited BBC Radio 1 in London on April 9 to promote their new film, "The Amazing Spider-Man 2."

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Pregnant Kristin Cavallari was spotted running in West Hollywood on April 9.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Danica McKellar left "Dancing with the Stars" practice in Hollywood on April 8.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Julianne Moore was pretty in white while out in NYC April 8.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Anne Hathaway wrapped herself up in a giant coat while out in NYC on April 8.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Lady Gaga struck her usual unique pose outside the Roseland Ballroom on April 7.

  • Celebrity News: April 2014

    British socialite <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/07/peaches-geldof-dead_n_5105968.html" target="_blank">Peaches Geldof died</a> of an "unexplained and sudden" cause on April 7. She was 25.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 7

    "Dancing with the Stars" star Derek Hough took a break from rehearsal on April 7 to snack on the new Ritz crackers.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Jamie Lynn Sigler was spotted purchasing a Rembrandt whitening kit at Target in New York on April 7.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Faith Hill and Tim McGraw at the 2014 Academy Of Country Music Awards at the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada on April 6.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton at the 2014 Academy Of Country Music Awards at the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada on April 6.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Carrie Underwood at the 2014 Academy Of Country Music Awards at the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada on April 6.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Taylor Swift at the 2014 Academy Of Country Music Awards at the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada on April 6.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Cameron Diaz made an appearance on "Wetten, dass..???" TV show on April 5 in Offenburg, Germany.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Heidi Klum attended the "America's Got Talent" red carpet event at Madison Square Garden on April 4 in New York City.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Nicole Richie attended Lucky FABB: Fashion and Beauty Blog Conference at the SLS Hotel in Beverly Hills on April 4.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Shakira and Usher attended NBC's "The Voice" red carpet event at The Sayers Club in Hollywood on April 3.

  • Celebrity Photos: April 2014

    Dianna Agron was spotted out and about West Hollywood on April 3.

 
FOLLOW TV