The Shrinkage Factor

Barack Obama may be the only male politician of any significance in the past, say, one thousand years who is faithful to his wife. Does anyone doubt Obama's fidelity? Now that it's near certain he will be the Democratic nominee, I've been trying to sort out why I don't think this is a good thing. It's not that I'm pro-infidelity, mind you. As a psychologist who has seen many couples torn to pieces over it, I know how corrosive betrayal is to a relationship. Yet, Obama's certain fidelity is somehow troubling me.

Now, to many of you on this site who have seen my postings before (and I want to thank you for the bodyguard I felt the need to hire), you know that I am a Hillary Clinton supporter. Perhaps I was more drawn to her to begin with because of her fierceness. It made me feel safe knowing there'd be this big, strong bear of a Mother in the House protecting her children at all times, ever vigilant and ever ready to do whatever it took to keep us out of harm's way. On the other hand, Obama's monotonic calm admittedly kind of scares me. Maybe because he looks kind of scared himself, especially in Hillary's presence. I'm not the first to comment on this. Maureen Dowd, an Obama-ite from early on, noted how he seemed to shrink (and, I would add, blink an awful lot) when forced to be in the same room with her. She may be over-doing the Rocky Balboa thing, but Obama's idea of getting into the ring seems to consist of trying to reason her out of the fight and the belief that if he just speaks quietly and soothingly to her, while putting a platonic, friendly hand on her shoulder, she'll settle down and leave the ring peaceably: in other words, if he's nice. Obama is a nice guy. And, as most any woman will tell you, "nice" guys finish last. And they finish last because, well, they just aren't very sexy. Power, for better or worse, is a turn on. I have no doubt that Obama wants to be President, which must mean that the guy wants power. And someone, most likely Axelrod, convinced Obama that the time to go for the gold was now — not in 8 years, but NOW. Obama bought into it and, I guess, the rest is history.

But Obama was not ready. Even though he will be the nominee, he, personally, was not ready. And maybe he never would be, come to think of it. Because what Obama seems to lack is what makes these powerful guys sexy: comfort with his aggression. He's just not comfortable with all that macho, aggressive, puffed-up-chest-capable-of-surviving-torture-ready-to-do-battle-if-necessary kind of thing. In fact, Dowd's characterization of him as a gazelle (to Clinton's lioness) and her affectionately nicknaming him Obambi implies that even she doesn't find him all that manly. Comparing her guy to a motherless baby deer must bring out Dowd's frustrated maternal longing, else why on earth would she want Bambi for President?

Which brings me back to Obama's irksome, wholesome, certain fidelity. It's actually not the fidelity that bothers me. I know that's a good thing. It's that shrinkage factor that has me worried. I think if it weren't for Axelrod, the Karl Rove of the Democratic Party, Obama may indeed be out there quietly making his case that nice guys really, really, really can finish first. And he'd have lost a long time ago. But Axelrod is no Obama. Axelrod knows and knew from the get-go that Obama had to at least try to appear like someone who could take a swing every now and then.

So now Obama is talking about "aggressive" diplomacy. I love it. It's brilliant, actually. He's found a way (or Axelrod has, I can't know for certain) to be comfortable with some type of aggression. He going to show us that he is not afraid to talk to anyone, even a big, bad bully like Ahmadinejad. I'm just worried that Ahmadinejad is going to pop out from behind the door as Obambi is entering the room and say, "Boo!"

P.S. I promise to support him anyway. He's going to need all the help he can get.

Comments

[mamacat]

I want to believe that Ms. Walsh is writing this blog "tongue-in-cheek," so to speak, because I find it difficult to believe that anyone would sincerely put forth the argument that she has.

While I am heartened to read that the author intends to support the Democratic nominee, when a Democratic nominee is finally chosen, how can I understand her argument that good, honest, sincere, intelligent people should not run for the position of President of the United States, unless they are compulsively and uncontrollably aggressive? Is this what we have come to, a cynicism so overwhelming that we not only worry that our leaders will betray us, but that we insist they be immoral, before we will consider them qualified?

I have been disappointed many times in my life, but I still am optimistic that good people can make a difference in this world. In fact, good people, and people striving to be good even when they know they make mistakes, are inspirational and loved by those around them.

Sorry Ms. Walsh, I cannot and do not buy into your argument. If anything, I find it very disappointing, especially for someone who is a psychologist. No offence intended.

[mamacat]

Sorry, Welsh, not Walsh.

[kyunschooler]

LOL you are confusing her with Joan Walsh at Salon who has been similarly been in some kind of alternate universe in regard to her perceptions of Obama.

[SlithyTove]

"And, as most any woman will tell you, 'nice' guys finish last.":

Excuse me? Mohandas Gandhi? Nelson Mandela?

"It made me feel safe knowing there'd be this big, strong bear of a Mother in the House protecting her children at all times, ever vigilant and ever ready to do whatever it took to keep us out of harm's way.":

I think this Mother's penchant is to look out for Number One, not for the sans culottes.

My own off-the-cuff generalization: the most screwed-up people I've ever known have been psychoanalysts.

[midwesthousewife]

Agree wholeheartedly.

[dstanley]

What Obama has is leadership and maturity. We haven't seen that in this country for a while. Instead, it's like we've been trapped in a kindergarten where the naps were ten minutes overdue. That's over. The red-faced yellers had their day and now their time has passed. Obama proves you don't have to scream, flap your arms like a chicken, or make faces at everyone to win.

Obliterating Iran shows a lot more fear than sitting down and talking. What's so terrifying about talking? Obama was just talking back in Philadelphia too. It was "just words" but when was the last time anyone had the guts to speak that honestly about race out in public?

Bluster is cowardice. Coolness is courage.

[SeriousBlack]

"Bluster is cowardice. Coolness is courage."

Love it!

[remc]

Speak for yourself, Sylvia. I happen to find the cool, suave, intelligent types EXTREMELY attractive, blustering macho bully-boys do absolutely nothing for me.

Other folks have said it here, it's the calm ones with the real cojones. Even three-balled mama bear Hillary herself runs screaming that the boys are picking on her when things get tough.

[FogCityJohn]

Sylvia Welsh has previously argued that we must seriously question Obama's character because he "plagiarized" a couple lines in a speech. (They came from his friend Deval Patrick.) She considered that dishonest. She wondered what sort of example Obama's supposedly horrendous dishonesty was setting for children. Read it all here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sylvia-welsh/barack-obama-and-why-it-m_b_87416.html

Now, however, she argues that she doesn't like Obama because he's been faithful to his wife. Welsh thinks it would be better for Obama to commit adultery. (Now wonder she likes the Clintons. Bill committed adultery while in the Oval Office. He must seem really "manly" to her.) So Welsh would have more respect for Obama (or he'd be more "attractive" to her) if he ran around on Michelle and broke his marriage vows. Folks, can you IMAGINE the uproar from so-called feminists like Welsh if it emerged that Obama had had an affair? They'd scream about his disrespect for women. But I guess in Hillaryland nothing needs to make sense and arguments are most persuasive when they're unprincipled and inconsistent.

Can anyone believe that this woman is a psychother­apist?!?!?­!? I'd sure hate to be her malpractice insurer . . .


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sylvia-welsh/barack-obama-and-why-it-m_b_87416.html

[WorkingClass]

I guess what you are saying is Obama is a wimpy little guy with a small penis. Rather demeaning, don't you think?

[standard]

This post is a very strong argument for denying the vote to clinical psychologists--or at least those who regard government as a metaphor for sexuality.

[JDD]

Hear hear! Well said.

[Balzac]

Sylvia, words fail me. I guess that Iraq doesn't figure into your equation. Hundreds of thousands of Iraqis are dead and millions are refugees.

Hillary voted for it. Hillary Clinton is the devil's (Bush) hand-maiden.

[OverCoffee]

Obama walks a tightrope while running for President. This ain't easy. As a black man, he cannot afford to speak aggressively against a white woman, and I don't understand why you don't understand this. White men wouldn't like it and white women would fear him if they saw a shred of hostility in his demeanor toward Hillary.

I think he'll take the gloves off once it's just he and John McCain, and they go at it, man to man, but then again, he'll have the new problem of not wanting to look like he's beating up Grandpa. LOL. Oh well. I look forward to those debates anyway.

[tressie22]

I've said it once and a million times more. Only white people would be so blind to the obvious racial undertones in this society as to suggest that Obama ever had a choice in his handling of Hillary. Can't you just see it now? A slim, healthy, attractive black guy going toe to toe with Hillary. With the volume off - which is essentially what racism does; mute the sound and logic - the image would send shockwaves through the majority community - liberal and closet Klan alike. I mean, let's be real. I'm sure the guy who graduated from Harvard law has/had access to the same internet we all have. Destroying Hillary's credibility would not have taken much. But he couldn't and he was smart enough to know it. For the FINAL time, a black man who manages to navigate the divide in the rarified circles Obama has successfully traversed has made him tough and nimble in ways no white pundit could every truly comprehend. Never. That's why HRC and camp never saw him coming.

[kyunschooler]

not to mention Hillary Clinton is a member of his own Democratic Party and used to be you fought a little differently with your fellow Democrats.

Besides, he is the aikido candidate. (several dailyKos diaries on this)

which I personally find very sexy.
and I got to be on the rail in the special guests section at a rally and give him a hug after his speech-- and we white women over 50 in my vicinity were all talking about how he was even more physically attractive live than on tv.

and his fidelity and high ethical standards show fierce strength. I absolutely loved the Catherine Crier blog here comparing him to Atticus Finch, myself. Now that's my kind of hero.
so to each his own.

[tressie22]

I've said it once and a million times more. Only white people would be so blind to the obvious racial undertones in this society as to suggest that Obama ever had a choice in his handling of Hillary. Can't you just see it now? A slim, healthy, attractive black guy going toe to toe with Hillary. With the volume off - which is essentially what racism does; mute the sound and logic - the image would send shockwaves through the majority community - liberal and closet Klan alike. I mean, let's be real. I'm sure the guy who graduated from Harvard law has/had access to the same internet we all have. Destroying Hillary's credibility would not have taken much. But he couldn't and he was smart enough to know it. For the FINAL time, a black man who manages to navigate the divide in the rarified circles Obama has successfully traversed has made him tough and nimble in ways no white pundit could every truly comprehend. Never. That's why HRC and camp never saw him coming. And that would one of the many pitfalls of all -isms - underestimating your opponet.

[PioneerKing]

Ahhh! I was wondering when one of Hillary's minions would start the gay innuendoes, it's been whispered for months that they were going to throw this out. Maureen Dowd was one of the first that threw out the charges with her effete comments followed by similar comments by republicans, such a Rove and even a few others in the main stream media. But since it's down to the wire the Clintons are throwing out the few remaining objects in the kitchen that they have left.
As far as the anger goes it's a catch 22 for Obama, if he shows anger he will be marginalized as "an angry black man." Just as the media did once when Michelle Obama tried to explain her comments about being proud to be an American, they said she came across as an angry black woman.

[patrice37]

The author is a psychotherapist. For them, every issue in the world revolves around the imagined sex lives of others. Their voyeuristic experience confers political expertise. Didn't you know?

[dijo]

Maybe the author is secretly suffering from penis envy. Who knows...sh­e obviously has some serious issues.

[baratunde]

this is one of the dumbest things i've read here on HuffPo. I'm not trying to be extreme either. it's simply ridicilous, and i sincerely hope it's not a sign of the political analysis we can expect.

you're really gonna argue some superficial, maureen dowd level nonsense about obama's testosterone level? you've not had enough of mach mr. bush? you think his fidelity is a problem, and YOU'RE A WOMAN?

GTFOH. this is nonsense.

there are many things worth writing about, but to manufacture dissent like this is just sad.

[newshawk14]

I really have to disagree with the tone of this article, although it is somewhat tongue in cheek. I was
in high school and later the university, just after the launch of Sputnik. Everyone, even the jocks,
realized that we were going to have to compete, and thumping your chest, wasn't going to cut it. I've
always thought that much of male aggression, is really a cover up for feelings of inadequacy.

[midwesthousewife]

Definitely, the most insecure men are the ones swaggering around and talking tough. Exhibit A: our current President.

Over and over again, people have remarked how comfortable Obama seems to be in his skin. Wow! Now there's an example for us all.

[thebirdstheword]

Imagine the outrage if this article was written in reverse.

Gerri Ferraro would be having a field day.

[Guinevere]

Excuse me for saying so, but I think Obama is very appealing, although the word sexy seems kind of demeaning to use to describe a president. Honesty, courage, dignity, intelligence, loyalty, these things impress me. Also I am unreasonably thrilled by lanky basketball players. I think a lot of women would agree with me.

[ruscle]

And you know what they say about men with BIG EARS?

They hear really well.

That's so hot!

[patrice37]

Ooops. Barack has not yet drawn 75 million people at once. Sorry for the mistake. But, you know, 75,000 is pretty good.