Andy Borowitz

The decade began with Y2K and ended with WTF.

In the wake of the Christmas Day airline terror attempt the Homeland Security chief said that her department would continue to crack down on the primary threat to air safety: shampoo.

In a stunning admission on NBC's "Meet the Press" on Sunday, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano compared the nation's terrorist watch list to the once-popular social networking site, MySpace.

Responding to the botched terrorism attempt, the Department of Homeland Security announced today that it was considering a new rule that would force passengers to fly naked.

"After we did it, I was kind of like, that's it?" Mr. Jonas told reporters at a New York press conference.

The Senate's efforts to introduce a tax on tanning beds hit a roadblock today as Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio) blasted the idea, calling it "a blatant attack on Orange Americans."

Building on the momentum of his latest blockbuster, Avatar, director James Cameron announced his next project, a special-effects-laden extravaganza called Emoticon.

A group calling itself the Iranian Cyber Army briefly hacked the social messaging service Twitter last night, frustrating the efforts of narcissists to share their most mundane and banal thoughts.

Called the "Balls Summit" by White House aides, the ceremony was intended as an official acknowledgment of Mr. Lieberman's complete control of the nation's health care future.

While Lieberman's decision to align himself with the nation's a-holes could be a high-risk strategy, politically speaking, a new poll of likely Connecticut voters indicates that they are a key constituency for him.

Nowadays, Santa's favorite reindeer game is sacking Blitzen if he isn't pulling his weight, thus downsizing the team from an unwieldy eight to a lean and mean seven.

In a new videotape broadcast today on Al-Jazeera, terror mastermind Osama bin Laden named fallen terrorist Abu Yahya al-Libi Al-Qaeda's "Employee of the Month" for December.

Orly Taitz, a leading Birther spokesperson, said today that she had in her possession a birth certificate for Mr. Obama that was issued in Tel Aviv.

Obama's decision to have an unmanned bomber plane accept the Peace Prize raised eyebrows in diplomatic circles, as well as concerns about whether the plane was accurate enough for such a delicate mission.

The professor who supervised the survey said that the proliferation of hoaxes, such as Balloon Boy and the Salahis, may have contributed to the sense that the decade was just a bad dream.

In what is widely expected to be a game-changer in the mobile phone industry, Apple Inc. today unveiled a new "killer app" that will enable users to call people on their iPhones and talk to them.

Palin's book tour hit a snag today at the Mall of America as hundreds of autograph seekers waited in line as the former Alaska governor tried in vain to spell her name.

While there have been different reports about the number of women with whom Woods has been involved, the consensus is that the tally exceeds the number of troops Obama has ordered sent to Afghanistan.

The Borowitz Report has obtained the first draft of Tiger Woods' official statement regarding his recent woes.

Media critics are expressing concern that the focus on Afghanistan could distract the media from getting to the bottom of the Tiger Woods story.

"After two days of refusing to speak to the media about suspicious aspects of my personal life, I have proved to myself that I am qualified for a career in politics," Mr. Woods told reporters in Orlando.

In a potentially embarrassing situation for the Obama White House, a turkey pardoned by President Obama earlier this week went on a killing spree on Thanksgiving, killing nine.

"I have thankfulness that we live in a country where we have the freedom to speak, even though Todd has never done so actually."

In a conference call with reporters, Mr. Dobbs said that he had not thought about seeking public office until his fictitious playmate, Moo, pleaded with him to consider it.

A homeless man who began shouting at New Yorkers in 1985 said that Oprah Winfrey was the inspiration behind his decision to call it quits in early 2010.