Many of us AIDS-generation survivors in some way have unprocessed grief, or guilt, or an overwhelming sense of abandonment from a gay community that turned its back on us and increasingly stigmatizes us, all in an attempt to pretend that AIDS isn't its problem anymore.

Recently I attended a forum titled "Is This My Beautiful Life?" It focused on the veterans of the front lines of AIDS: activists and survivors. Like veterans of Vietnam and Iraq, many have not fully recovered. I seem to have. However, there's a deep grief that fills my heart.

All of us who were in the trenches of the AIDS war are today dealing with the grief and the survivor guilt. Many are grappling with deeper scars and something akin to post-traumatic stress. But unlike for veterans of other wars, there isn't any built-in support system for us.

Recently I visited with comedy's lovable "Queen of Mean" and also one of Gay Men's Health Crisis' heroes, Lisa Lampanelli.

Major philanthropists are ignoring the continuing AIDS crisis in the United States. Why is HIV no longer a top priority among those with the means to do something about a still-spreading disease that can only be held at bay with costly medications and cannot be cured? People are dying.

I survived a plague. Acquaintances, friends, co-workers and lovers dead. A myriad of others infected. Who could have foreseen the years of public apathy and private sorrow? Somehow, though, I stand here today having survived the AIDS epidemic, and I still marvel at how.