Andy Borowitz

Laughter and the '08 Campaign

Bruce Kluger | Posted 07.22.2008 | Media

Read More: Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, John McCain, Andy Borowitz, 2008 Campaign 2008, Jon Stewart, Humor, Political Satire, The Daily Show, David Slavin, Barack Obama, Satire, Barack Obama New Yorker Cover, Media News
Bruce Kluger

Who can blame viewers for wanting a little cavorting with their reporting? Today's voters toggle easily between sober op-eds and faux-news analysts squirting seltzer down the candidates' pants.

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McCain Makes Historic First Visit to Internet

Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.21.2008 | Politics

Read More: John McCain, Andy Borowitz, Joy Behar, Jeffrey Toobin, Barack Obama, John McCain Internet, Mccain Internet, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

McCain aides said that the senator's journey to the Internet will span five days and will take him to such far-flung sites as Amazon.com, eBay and Facebook.

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Obama Releases List of Approved Jokes About Himself

Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.15.2008 | Politics

Read More: The New Yorker, Andy Borowitz, Jeffrey Toobin, Joy Behar, Barack Obama, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

Saying he is "sympathetic to late night comedians' struggle to find jokes to make about me," Sen. Obama today issued a list of official campaign-approved Barack Obama jokes.

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McCain Issues Top Ten Funniest Ways to Kill Iranians

Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.09.2008 | Politics

Read More: Iran, John McCain, Andy Borowitz, Christe Brinkely, Jeffrey Toobin, Joy Behar, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

McCain, who yesterday commented that the U.S. could kill Iranians with cigarettes, was apparently "just warming up," one aide said today.

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Obama Posing Threat to Rock Stars, Rock Stars Fear

Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.08.2008 | Politics

Read More: John McCain, Andy Borowitz, Jon Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, Metallica, Joy Behar, Jeffrey Toobin, Barack Obama, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

The presumptive Democratic nominee's decision to address a crowd of 75,000 fans at Invesco was "the last straw," says singer Jon Bon Jovi.

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Liberal Bloggers Accuse Obama of Trying to Win Election

Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.02.2008 | Politics

Read More: Walter Mondale, Michael Dukakis, Andy Borowitz, Joy Behar, Jeffrey Toobin, John Kerry, Barack Obama, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

Suspicions about Sen. Obama's true motives have been building over the past few weeks, but not until today have the bloggers called him out for betraying the Democratic Party's losing tradition.

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McCain Proposes Tax Holiday for Beer Heiresses

Andy Borowitz | Posted 06.29.2008 | Politics

Read More: John McCain, Andy Borowitz, Jeffrey Toobin, Joy Behar, Cindy McCain, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

The senator took great pains to indicate that the tax holiday would not be available to all brewery heiresses, "Just those with a net worth of over 100 million dollars."

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Cindy McCain Robot Gets New Head

Andy Borowitz | Posted 06.21.2008 | Politics

Read More: John McCain, Andy Borowitz, Jeffrey Toobin, Joy Behar, George W. Bush, Cindy McCain, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

"This new head is going to enable the Cindy McCain robot to do things that it could never do before," said McCain aide Davison Matz. "For one thing, it will now be able to talk."

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McCain: Sunnis, Shiites "Trying to Confuse Me"

Andy Borowitz | Posted 06.16.2008 | Politics

Read More: John McCain, Andy Borowitz, Shiites, Sunnis, Kurds, Iraq, Joy Behar, Jeffrey Toobin, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

Sen. McCain reserved his harshest words for the Shiites, who he said were trying to confuse him by sometimes referring to themselves as "Shiites" and other times as "Shia."

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Fist Bump Overshadows Ass-Slap

Andy Borowitz | Posted 06.12.2008 | Politics

Read More: Michelle Obama, Andy Borowitz, ED Hill, Jeffrey Toobin, Joy Behar, Barack Obama, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

The obsession with Barack and Michelle's "fist bump" on national TV last week has caused the media to ignore an equally important gesture that the couple shared just moments later.

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McCain Vows to Campaign in All Thirteen Colonies

Andy Borowitz | Posted 06.09.2008 | Politics

Read More: John McCain, Andy Borowitz, Joy Behar, Jeffrey Toobin, Barack Obama, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

At a campaign stop in the Dominion of Virginia, Sen. McCain said that if Sen. Obama takes any of the thirteen colonies for granted, "he doth so at his peril."

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Bill Clinton Updates Facebook Profile

Andy Borowitz | Posted 06.05.2008 | Politics

Read More: Howard Wolfson, John McCain, Andy Borowitz, Hllary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Jeffrey Toobin, Facebook, Joy Behar, Barack Obama, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

Visitors to Mr. Clinton's profile page at Facebook noticed that minutes after Mrs. Clinton suspended her campaign, President Clinton updated his status from "Married" to "It's Complicated."

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Straight Man Accidentally Sees Sex and the City

Andy Borowitz | Posted 06.03.2008 | Entertainment

Read More: Sex and the City, Andy Borowitz, Joy Behar, Jeffrey Toobin, Sarah Jessica Parker, Entertainment News
Andy Borowitz

A spokesman for New Line Cinema said that the film grossed $55 million over the weekend but that Mr. Colton was the only heterosexual man known to have seen it.

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Bush Refuses to Read McClellan's Book, Calling It 'A Book'

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.28.2008 | Politics

Read More: Andy Borowitz, Jeff Toobin, Joy Behar, Scott Mcclellan, James Bond, George W. Bush, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

Mr. Bush said he was "surprised" that Mr. McClellan had written a book to criticize him because "if you're trying to communicate some criticism to me, a book is pretty much the last place you'd put it."

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Hillary Rejects, Denounces Self

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.24.2008 | Politics

Read More: Bill Clinton, Andy Borowitz, Bobby Kennedy, Rfk, Terry McAuliffe, Hillary Clinton, American Airlines, Jeffrey Toobin, Joy Behar, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

Sen. Clinton offered an explanation for her comments about the late Sen. Kennedy, saying, "I am still suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of my service in the Bosnian army."

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Hillary: Votes of Imaginary Friends Must Be Counted

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.20.2008 | Politics

Read More: Hillary Clinton, Andy Borowitz, Joy Behar, Jeffrey Toobin, Barack Obama, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

While Sen. Clinton refused to put an exact number on her legions of imaginary voters, she said that they were "in the zillions."

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Hillary Vows to Fight on for Edwards' Endorsement

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.14.2008 | Politics

Read More: John Edwards, Hillary Clinton, Andy Borowitz, Barack Obama, Edwards Obama, Obama Endorsement, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

"Anyone who believes that I'm going to be deterred by an obstacle like that doesn't know what I'm made of," she said. "Mark my words, I am going to get that endorsement."

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First Borowitz Report Video Ever!

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.14.2008 | Politics

Read More: Borowitz Report, Andy Borowitz, Hillary Tyra Mashup, Hillary Clinton, Tyra Banks, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

2008-05-14-Andy.jpg The Democratic Party has finally decided who's going to break it to Hillary that it's time to get out of the race.

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Bill Clinton Switches to Obama

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.09.2008 | Politics

Read More: Bill Clinton, Vicki Iseman, John McCain, Hillary Cliton, Andy Borowitz, Barack Obama, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

Sources close to the former president said that Mr. Clinton had been mulling such a defection as early as the night of the Iowa primary, but that he only decided to make his decision public today.

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Math Favors Hillary, Says Huckabee

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.07.2008 | Politics

Read More: Hillary Clinton, Andy Borowitz, Mike Huckabee, Jonathan Alter, Susie Essman, Barack Obama, Calvin Trillin, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

"I didn't major in math, I majored in miracles," Huckabee told reporters in Little Rock today. "And after Tuesday's results, my Miracle-o-meter is tingling off the hook."

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Obama Proposes Gas-bag Holiday

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.05.2008 | Politics

Read More: Andy Borowitz, Paula Abdul, Jonathan Alter, Calvin Trillin, Lou Dobbs, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Susie Essman, Barack Obama, Chris Matthews, Clinton Gas Tax, Obama Gas Tax, Obama Jeremiah Wright, Jeremiah Wright, Gas Tax Holiday, Jeremiah Wright Barack Obama, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

CNN's senior gas-bag, Lou Dobbs, said that Sen. Obama's proposal of a gas-bag holiday should make Americans "question his patriotism."

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Obama De-friends Wright on Facebook

Andy Borowitz | Posted 04.30.2008 | Politics

Read More: Howard Dean, Samantha Power, Andy Borowitz, Jonathan Alter, Patti Sollis Doyle, David Axelrod, Calvin Trillin, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Mark Penn, Susie Essman, Barack Obama, Geraldine Ferraro, Obama Jeremiah Wright, Jeremiah Wright, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

Chief Obama strategist David Axelrod said that Sen. Obama had to de-friend the Rev. Wright on Facebook "because he was getting really annoying."

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Rev. Wright Launches Own 24-Hr. Channel

Andy Borowitz | Posted 04.28.2008 | Politics

Read More: Dancing With the Stars, Andy Borowitz, Barack Obama, Susie Essman, Gossip Girl, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Bill Moyers, Miley Cyrus, Jonathan Alter, Calvin Trillin, Billy Ray Cyrus, Hillary Clinton, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

By launching WrightTV, the minister said, "It is my sincere hope that I can quench the public's seemingly limitless thirst for hearing me talk."

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Obama: Voters Fine, I'm Bitter

Andy Borowitz | Posted 04.26.2008 | Politics

Read More: Andy Borowitz, Jonathan Alter, Susie Essman, Barack Obama, Calvin Trillin, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

Sen. Obama said that after Rev. Wright controversy, the ABC News debate, the flag lapel criticism, and the "red phone" ads, "You can bet your ass I know a thing or two about who's bitter."

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McCain Celebrates Huge Pennsylvania Win

Andy Borowitz | Posted 04.23.2008 | Politics

Read More: Bill Clinton, John McCain, Andy Borowitz, Jonathan Alter, Katie Couric, Calvin Trillin, Hillary Clinton, Susie Essman, Barack Obama, Politics News
Andy Borowitz

A jubilant McCain said that "It became abundantly clear that the people of Pennsylvania want to send the Republicans back to the White House for another four years."

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