In a sign that the Birther movement is catching on, a new poll shows that 50% of Republicans believe that President Obama is actually still 47.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.03.2009 | Comedy
"Either produce a birth certificate, or subject yourself to the continuing rumors that you suckled at a wild canine's teat," Mr. Dobbs said.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.01.2009 | Comedy
"Our concept was simple," says Tracy Klugian, 21, who founded Defacebook out of his dorm room at Colgate. "You start off being friends with every person in the world and you gradually block people."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.01.2009 | Politics
The phenomenon called "Driving While Black" is nothing new. But now the so-called Birthers have come up with a novel variation on it: President While Black.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.30.2009 | Comedy
Furious that the party had started without him, Mr. Biden reached into a tub of cold beers and smashed a bottle over the edge of Mr. Obama's desk.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.30.2009 | Comedy
According to Mr. Klugian, "The Gates case is now like the first draft of a bad novel that Tom Wolfe would have kept in his drawer."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.29.2009 | Comedy
The New York Times is making a massive gamble that consumers will be interested in reading a hard-copy version of its free online edition -- and willing to pay $2 a day for it.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.28.2009 | Comedy
Explaining his decision, the President told reporters, "When tempers run a little high, there's one thing that always helps people think a little more rationally: beer."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.23.2009 | Comedy
"He was acting suspiciously in his kitchen, removing items from the cupboard such as a glass," said Cambridge police spokesman Ryan Slatson. "When he made a move for the refrigerator, we pounced."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.23.2009 | Politics
The president said that clinical trials showed that patients who are exposed to one of his pressers usually lose consciousness within three minutes.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.21.2009 | Comedy
"These academics may be armed and dangerous," Cambridge police chief Ryan Slatson warned. "They may also be long-winded and boring."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.21.2009 | Comedy
"Yesterday I told my mom that I was going to meet Obama and she was like, 'Yeah, tell me another one,'" said one blogger. "I think she thought I was just going to see Harry Potter again."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.20.2009 | Comedy
You don't have to call Jewish people "Jewish people." It turns out they don't mind being called plain old "Jews." LOL.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.18.2009 | Comedy
"It wasn't easy, but we did some digging and it turns out Walter did mention Michael once or twice," Mr. King said. "This is going to be a real treat for our viewers."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.17.2009 | Comedy
Summers was upbeat about the U.S. economy today, saying that the economic situation is no longer catastrophic.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.16.2009 | Comedy
According to a Goldman spokesperson, the merger between Goldman and the Treasury Department is "a good fit" because "they're in the business of printing money and so are we."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.15.2009 | Comedy
"Our viewers want to know who's going to have custody of Blanket and the other Jackson children, and none of that is being addressed in these hearings," said CNN's Larry King.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.13.2009 | Comedy
Mr. Harbock says that his consumer confidence has also taken a positive turn since receiving his bonus check, which totaled $5.4 million.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.12.2009 | Comedy
"I misread my package's needs," the senator said. "It needs significantly more stimulus than I originally thought."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.10.2009 | Comedy
Unemployment surged over the past two weeks, but the Department of Labor was careful to point out that much of that increase was due to "forced layoffs of Republican mistresses."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.09.2009 | Comedy
In a frontal assault on America's computers, North Korea revealed today that it successfully infiltrated Microsoft customer service and has been running the company's calling centers for years.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.08.2009 | Comedy
According to Apple, a user of the iPal app can hold his iPhone up to a television when Ms. Palin is appearing and receive a real-time English translation in text form.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.07.2009 | Comedy
As the Michael Jackson memorial concludes today, millions of people who have no lives are in a quandary about how they will fill the inevitable void.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.06.2009 | Comedy
Tracy Klugian, 37, a hardware salesman in Brookline, Massachusetts, has been holding a candlelight vigil for the news ever since the 24/7 Michael Jackson coverage began.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.04.2009 | Comedy