Sen. McCain attacked the power elite on Wall Street, calling them "wealthy plutocrats with private jets and too many houses to keep track of."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 09.11.2008 | Politics
All in all, Gov. Palin responded to over eighty of the ABC newsman's questions with only three answers, believed to be a record for a nationally broadcast interview with a major political figure.
Linda Milazzo | Posted 09.08.2008 | Living
The second I heard that pit-slam from Governor Palin, I thought about putting some lipstick on my gorgeous pit bull, Peach, and sending Palin the photo.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 09.08.2008 | Politics
Gov. Palin's wisecrack was the last straw for Carol Foyler, the executive director of the Pitbull Anti-Defamation League: "We're all like, first the Michael Vick thing, and now this."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 09.03.2008 | Politics
There is some seriously weird stuff goin on up in here!!! So I get off the plane in Minnesota and the first thing I know some creepy old dude who smells like my grandma is gettin up in my grille.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 09.01.2008 | Politics
It has become common for candidates to lash out against the news media, but Gov. Palin's attack was the first known example of a politician blaming the media for her daughter's pregnancy.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.29.2008 | Politics
The GOP campaign for the White House is looking more and more like the screenplay for an unproduced Goldie Hawn film from the 1980's, a Goldie Hawn fi...
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.29.2008 | Politics
Sen. McCain unleashed a savage attack on Sen. Obama, claiming that his Democratic opponent would be "at a loss" when faced with the challenges of running a 5000-person municipality in Alaska.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.26.2008 | Politics
In the ad, which is being broadcast in key swing states, an announcer intones, "They're the cutest children in the world - but are they ready to lead?"
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.25.2008 | Politics
For his part, former President Clinton said that he was "surprised" by the DNC's decision to institute the five-second delay, but added, "It's just like those motherf*ckers."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.22.2008 | Politics
Cindy McCain responded to a reporter's question today about how many half-sisters she had by saying that she was "unsure" about the exact number but would have "a staff member look into it."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.19.2008 | Politics
Representatives of television news divisions said they were undecided as to how to cover the Biden speech, but none were willing to commit to covering it live in its entirety.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.18.2008 | Politics
Likely bigots chose McCain over Obama by a margin of one thousand to one, with a majority of racists saying they "strongly disagree" with Sen. Obama's decision not to be white.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.13.2008 | Entertainment
The medals, which were supposed to be made entirely of gold, were instead found to be composed of 99% lead alloy and coated with a gold-colored lead-based paint.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.11.2008 | Entertainment
A member of the U.S. Olympic diving team was disqualified from competition today when it was learned that he did not have a sufficiently compelling human storyline to exploit on NBC.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.08.2008 | Politics
Minutes after John Edwards admitted having an extramarital affair during the 2008 campaign, a supermarket tabloid published potentially explosive photos of an infant with a $400 haircut.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 08.04.2008 | Living
With a new doctor's warning that cell phone use could pose a serious health risk, many jerks and douchebags are considering changing their ways.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.31.2008 | Politics
Ms. Hilton said she was also "offended" by the implication that she and Ms. Spears favor a tax on electricity: "We have both been very clear on that issue."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.28.2008 | Politics
While polls show the two candidates locked in a close electoral race, Obama's impressive frequent flyer mile haul this month may put the contest for the most miles out of McCain's reach.
Bruce Kluger | Posted 07.22.2008 | Media
Who can blame viewers for wanting a little cavorting with their reporting? Today's voters toggle easily between sober op-eds and faux-news analysts squirting seltzer down the candidates' pants.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.21.2008 | Politics
McCain aides said that the senator's journey to the Internet will span five days and will take him to such far-flung sites as Amazon.com, eBay and Facebook.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.15.2008 | Politics
Saying he is "sympathetic to late night comedians' struggle to find jokes to make about me," Sen. Obama today issued a list of official campaign-approved Barack Obama jokes.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.09.2008 | Politics
McCain, who yesterday commented that the U.S. could kill Iranians with cigarettes, was apparently "just warming up," one aide said today.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.08.2008 | Politics
The presumptive Democratic nominee's decision to address a crowd of 75,000 fans at Invesco was "the last straw," says singer Jon Bon Jovi.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 07.02.2008 | Politics
Suspicions about Sen. Obama's true motives have been building over the past few weeks, but not until today have the bloggers called him out for betraying the Democratic Party's losing tradition.
Tina Fey graces the cover of the January issue of Vanity Fair, and in an...
UPDATE 12/2: Marc Ambinder is reporting that Jeb Bush is considering a run for the Senate to...
President Bush let it all out today during an interview with ABC News' Charlie...
this just in: Governor Palin Neglects Alaska Duties for Partisan Stumping on...
The following is Part I of Sean Penn's piece, Mountain of Snakes (Read Part II here) The
Last week, Black Friday heralded the unofficial kickoff of the 2008 winter holiday...
Reuters has a Q&A with John Travolta to promote his animated film "Bolt." At the end, they ask him...
President-elect Barack Obama announced Monday that Robert Gates would remain as...
After a 12-day hiatus, Sarah Palin stepped back into the spotlight on Monday to...
NEW YORK — Rush Limbaugh has seldom been a fan of...
Now that Americans have footed the bill for more than a...
CHICAGO — Almost one in five young American adults has a personality disorder that interferes...
Dear President-elect and Mrs. Obama: I know that the greening of the White House...
Andy Borowitz | Posted 09.16.2008 | Politics