You know all those stories you hear about internationally adopted children instantly bonding with their new families? That wasn't the case with us. Instead, it was instant shock and horror.
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By Martha Beck
How do you get your nearest and dearest to change their behavior? Simple: Stop giving a damn what they do, says Martha Beck.
What is the explanation for kids who kill? For the kids who fail to internalize social norms? For the kids who grow into narcissists or psychopaths? Are they just born defective through some blameless anomaly?
in order for the attachments to develop smoothly in a new family, there is one key element that predicts relative success--the parent's understanding of their own relationship history.
You don't need any special gear or to be attached at the hip 24-7 to create a bond. I think instead you need to spend time with them, to get to know them intimately, and to meet them where they are.
When our parents respond to us in consistent, sensitive and loving ways, we form secure attachments with them, and this gives us the confidence to learn, grow and thrive.
From the 1920s until the end of the 1960s, college home economic classes around the country borrowed infants from orphanages to be used as "practice babies." I kid you not.
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