If we can name our own awkward, ardent gifts, and extricate them from the shame and wounds that keep them buried, we'll find ourselves on a bullet train to deep, surprising, life-changing intimacy.

What stops us from having the very things we say we want in our lives is usually ourselves. Whether it's feeling that we don't deserve those things or that we don't believe it's possible to get them, it comes down to changing our thinking around it.

My father comes from a generation that has much to teach us today. We can deceive ourselves all we want that today's world holds us to a different standard, but as I get older I recognize that we also have the ability to choose the lives we want to lead.

The practice is to acknowledge our fear and embrace it rather than deny or run from it. To embrace our fear means we are making a conscious choice not to allow it to define who we are or what we can accomplish.

If about 85 percent of the people you meet like you, you are probably doing something right. In contrast, if much more than 85 percent of the people you meet like you, you are probably doing too much to get along.

Have you ever replayed in your head pivotal moments in your life and regretted your actions or words? Ever feel a twinge when your mouth said one thing and your heart felt another? Perhaps your conscience is trying to get your attention.

In the context of mindful living, slowing down does not imply taking a vacation every other month. It is what we must do every day. It means taking the time to do whatever we're doing. It means single-tasking rather than switching between a multitude of tasks and focusing on none of them.

If you think that you're being real, but you're still finding the wrong people showing up in your life, then you need to take a moment to reassess your you-ness.

Authentic people commit themselves to excellence in everything they do. They are constantly pushing the envelope and raising their standards. And they have the wisdom to know the difference between excellence and perfection.

Laughing, especially at the absurd, has to be one of my favorite activities. The other night, I had one such crackup when I was out with my friend S, who recently turned 28. For many, that's a pivotal year.

Being the real you might cause some discomfort and change. Not everyone will like it when you are more connected and genuine. That's okay. You will now attract just the right people -- those who will love you, support you, and lift you up.

The propensity to get lost in what should have been or what might be one day is an escape from what is. Being present, being mindful, being intentional about what matters to you is a daunting task even without technology grabbing your attention like it is entitled.

In 14 quick years, you'll enter high school. It might not seem "quick" to you, but trust me, 14 years is nothing. Regardless, don't sweat it. It will be fine. Even when it's not, even when the air feels so thick it is hard to breathe, know that you'll come out the other end and do great things.

Writing is just one manifestation of this tension, this nagging, lifelong struggle to be you or be perfect -- to live a messy, real, vulnerable life, or an edited one. In writing, you get to arrange things just so, like a museum curator piecing together the perfect exhibit.

Focus on the areas in which you can improve your relationships and discover the myriad possibilities that will unfold before you. Let this be the year that you deepen your relationships and find the love that you truly deserve.

If we refuse to see what Lance did, and what everyone else does who craves the rewards of celebrity adulation, as a reflection of our own misguided longing, then we are the real dopes.