Sometimes it just makes it easier on you, easier on your heart and mind, if you simply stop trying to explain. Refusing to explain or defend your grief doesn't mean you let other people go on and on about it, continually telling you how you should live.
You alone carry the knowledge of how your grief lives in you. You alone know all the filaments of life and of love that fly through you. You alone know how deeply your life is now changed. You alone have to face this, inside your own heart.
We often have several "primary agreements" in our intimate relationships. We agree to take care of each other, as well as to be nice, to protect and not to hurt each other. "I've got your back! I wont hurt you, and I wont let any one else hurt you! You're safe with me!"
Creating boundaries, picking priorities, and knowing what's working and what isn't -- will help you feel confident that your accomplishments are enough, even if you have more goals you want to achieve.
When we consider the Incarnation this Advent, let's remember the valuing of humanity over ideology. And, perhaps in a fresh way, let's receive the permission we need to live healthier, safer, more truly human lives.
We can't control anything or anyone outside of ourselves. We can only control how we react or how we respond to what is going on outside of ourselves. So when something happens, we can either contract or expand. It's a choice.
Our families are where we first learn how to say "No" in a safe, supportive environment. If we don't learn to do so there, we won't learn to do so anywhere. If our children can't say "No" to us, they won't say it to anyone.
I felt a tremendous pressure to meet all of my child's needs, and was afraid of creating some sort of mysterious anxiety down the road if I didn't. Now that my second child is going through the emotional ups and downs of toddlerhood, I have a different perspective.
The worst part of never saying no is that our projects never come to fruition in a way we want them to. And that stinks. Lately there's been lots of arguing and debating about goals, success and leadership, much of it revolving around setting boundaries for ourselves and others.
There is a delicate balance between self-care and care for others. We want to be there for others, but if we are doing it to the detriment of our own wellbeing, we are doing a great disservice to who we are.
Takers can't take anything from us unless we give it to them. Having good boundaries is a balance of our needs and beliefs and what we can do to support the other person. We are authentic and genuine when we are in harmony with ourselves and the other's boundaries.
If you find yourself unhappy with how you are being treated, if you feel you are always being taken for granted, used, misused, or even abused by some of the people in your life, it's time for you to do a self-check.
The conundrum: how best to squeeze time in for you? Meaningful time, that is. Coffee with a friend, a movie, dare we engage in the idea of a girl's night out? Will this constant cacophony ever quiet to a mild roar? Is it me, or is it all just moving too fast?