Recently, all of my friends started having babies. I realized that I have a lot to bone up on if I'm going to be prepared for all of the showers, parties and religious ceremonies associated with this influx of little people.
You're Jewish now, Mitt. Mazel Tov! Welcome to the tribe. L'Chaim! Your new name is Morris Berkowitz and you're from Queens. Your mother-in-law lives in Florida. She doesn't like you because you're not a doctor. (She voted for Ron Paul because he is a doctor.)