Beneficial control is the control we have over choosing the intent to learn about love. Harmful control is when we attempt to control our feelings rather than learn from them, and attempt to control others and outcomes.
Dreams, relationships, and life how we picture it don't happen from coming up with canned reactions or strategies. Things don't change based on the same old thinking and actions we take, because those are entrenched, normally based in fear.
We control to get love and avoid pain, yet by controlling rather than loving ourselves and others, we create the very pain we are trying to avoid. The negative aspects of your relationship and your expectations are fertile areas for exploration within yourself and with your partner.
Divorce is already a traumatic experience for most individuals and their families. Dealing with a toxic spouse who has it out for you makes the divorce process even worse by dragging out issues that could easily be resolved with compromise and agreements outside of the courtroom.
Now, instead of focusing on trusting others, I focus on trusting myself -- my feelings, my inner knowing, my intuition, my spiritual guidance. This lets me know immediately whether or not I can trust another.
Connection with your partner is vital for your well-being and the well-being of the relationship. If you find that any of these suggestions are hard for you, then do some inner work to discover what is in the way.
Whenever we're facing an unpleasant or alarming situation, we're likely to become anxious and try to figure out what we can do instead of becoming quiet and seeking new ideas or revisiting what worked in the past.
Why would someone make the choice to be miserable? Because it is often a way of getting attention and of attempting to get someone else to be responsible for them. If this is what you want, here is a roadmap to make sure you accomplish your goal!
All relationships have a system. Some work well and some don't. Since I have been working with relationships for the last 44 years, I've become very attuned to what kind of a system two people have between them.
If you're struggling -- if you're feeling out of, or the need for, control -- it's less likely that something's wrong with the object of your desires, and more likely that there's something you've been unwilling to give up in order get what it is you say you want.
When two people come together because they want to learn together, grow together, heal together, share their time and companionship, and share their love and passion, they have a good chance of creating a lasting, loving relationship.
We all have a wounded self -- our ego -- that we developed as we were growing up, to protect us from pain. Our wounded self becomes activated when we get scared -- scared of rejection, of engulfment, of being hurt.