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Controlling Behavior

Keeping Love Alive

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 11.04.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

The concept of what it takes to keep love alive is really quite simple, but not so easy to do. The simple answer is this: Love flows between two people whose hearts are open to learning and to sharing love. The hard part is keeping the heart open.

Why Can't They Just Behave? Here's Your Answer

Heather Creekmore | Posted 10.30.2014 | Parents
Heather Creekmore

I'm all for discipline and sometimes that is the only necessary path. But I think a lot of our frustration, our cries of "why can't they just behave," aren't really about behavior at all.

Can We Make People Want to Change?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 10.28.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

We can certainly influence others with our love, peace and joy, but even that does not give us control. A major part of inner healing is learning to accept our lack of control over others' intent to learn or protect.

Controlling: Harmful or Beneficial?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 12.14.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Beneficial control is the control we have over choosing the intent to learn about love. Harmful control is when we attempt to control our feelings rather than learn from them, and attempt to control others and outcomes.

I Can't Change Him

Tracy Crossley | Posted 10.18.2014 | Women
Tracy Crossley

Dreams, relationships, and life how we picture it don't happen from coming up with canned reactions or strategies. Things don't change based on the same old thinking and actions we take, because those are entrenched, normally based in fear.

If You Really Loved Me, You Would...

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 09.06.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

We control to get love and avoid pain, yet by controlling rather than loving ourselves and others, we create the very pain we are trying to avoid. The negative aspects of your relationship and your expectations are fertile areas for exploration within yourself and with your partner.

Are You Stuck in the 'Resistance Syndrome'?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 08.31.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Do you find yourself stuck in your life, resisting doing what you really need to do? There is a good reason for this. Did you learn when you were gro...

Are Men More Controlling?

Ken Kirsh | Posted 04.29.2014 | Business
Ken Kirsh

I'm not sure. Are you? Women have long been unfairly labeled as bitches when demonstrating firm leadership skills while men are described as strong. T...

Surrender Your Addiction to Stress

Judith Orloff MD | Posted 05.26.2014 | Healthy Living
Judith Orloff MD

Here is a surprisingly simple solution: To let go of physical stress, let your body do what it was designed to do -- move.

Divorce Confidential: Coping With an Impossible Spouse During and After Divorce

Caroline Choi | Posted 04.15.2014 | Divorce
Caroline Choi

Divorce is already a traumatic experience for most individuals and their families. Dealing with a toxic spouse who has it out for you makes the divorce process even worse by dragging out issues that could easily be resolved with compromise and agreements outside of the courtroom.

Learning to Trust Again

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 02.12.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Now, instead of focusing on trusting others, I focus on trusting myself -- my feelings, my inner knowing, my intuition, my spiritual guidance. This lets me know immediately whether or not I can trust another.

Why You Keep Attracting Unavailable People

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 07.25.2013 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

I hear it over and over: "Are there any available men?" "Why are all the women I attract unavailable?" There are two issues that often contribute to this situation.

7 Ways To Reignite That Special Spark

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 07.15.2013 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Connection with your partner is vital for your well-being and the well-being of the relationship. If you find that any of these suggestions are hard for you, then do some inner work to discover what is in the way.

8 Ways To Let Go Of Your Need To Control

Ronald Alexander, Ph.D. | Posted 06.21.2013 | Healthy Living
Ronald Alexander, Ph.D.

Whenever we're facing an unpleasant or alarming situation, we're likely to become anxious and try to figure out what we can do instead of becoming quiet and seeking new ideas or revisiting what worked in the past.

7 Reasons You Might Have Fallen Out of Love With Your Partner

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 06.05.2013 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Unless you are able to learn from and heal your fears, you may get stuck in this negative pattern. Love quickly vanishes in the face of this closed, protective behavior.

The 7-Step Guide to Misery

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 05.18.2013 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Why would someone make the choice to be miserable? Because it is often a way of getting attention and of attempting to get someone else to be responsible for them. If this is what you want, here is a roadmap to make sure you accomplish your goal!

Is Your Relationship System Working Well?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 05.05.2013 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

All relationships have a system. Some work well and some don't. Since I have been working with relationships for the last 44 years, I've become very attuned to what kind of a system two people have between them.

The Secret To Feeling More In Control

Jennifer Hamady | Posted 03.13.2013 | Healthy Living
Jennifer Hamady

If you're struggling -- if you're feeling out of, or the need for, control -- it's less likely that something's wrong with the object of your desires, and more likely that there's something you've been unwilling to give up in order get what it is you say you want.

Relationship Advice: Should I Tell Him How I Really Feel?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 12.24.2012 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Psychotherapists often advise their clients to share their feelings with the important people in their life. Is this good advice?

The 2 Things You Can Totally Control In Life

Posted 10.31.2012 | OWN

By DeVon Franklin Hollywood studio executive and the author of Produced by Faith, DeVon Franklin explains how you can prevent the anxiety of belie...

Are You In A Relationship For The Right Reasons?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 12.09.2012 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

When two people come together because they want to learn together, grow together, heal together, share their time and companionship, and share their love and passion, they have a good chance of creating a lasting, loving relationship.

Love More By Caring... Less

Posted 11.16.2012 | OWN

By Martha Beck How do you get your nearest and dearest to change their behavior? Simple: Stop giving a damn what they do, says Martha Beck. ...

18 Relationship Red Flags

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 11.19.2012 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Over the many years of working with thousands of people looking to find a committed relationship, I've discovered numerous red flags that may indicate future problems.

'How Can I Make Others Hear and Understand Me?'

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 10.20.2012 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Accepting our lack of control over how others see and treat us is a major challenge for many people. It's important to realize that others often treat us the way we treat ourselves.

How To Effectively Communicate In Your Relationship

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 09.30.2012 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

"Isn't withdrawing from conflict just running away?" you might ask. Yes, it is. But there is a huge difference between withdrawing and disengaging. The difference is about your intention.