While it may seem counter-intuitive, the most effective way to "win" with respect to this common scenario of desiring more warmth and affection would sound something more like an effort to lose or to at least pitch to the other's strengths.
When you are attached you can only see one angle and you believe you are seeing the whole thing. When you detach from the problem you can become grounded and can see all the angles effortlessly, no longer distorted by your fragmentary point of view.
By not sharing your real thoughts about your sex life with your partner, you may get stuck in a pattern of resenting, lying, or concealing the truth to your partner. This can negatively impact a person's emotional well-being as well as slowly erode a couple's relationship over time.
We had forgotten that there isn't anything more important than taking time to restore our relationship, to reawaken and indulge our enjoyment of sensual pleasure, and to retreat into the sweet environment that supports the growth of our love and ourselves.
Women who feel they have resources can emerge from marital wreckage intact. In particular, those with independent lives often benefit from the self-esteem that gives them an equal seat at the table in their own marriage.
If you both can allow yourselves to be fully present and follow these steps, expecting "no guarantees" -- much, much easier said than done -- you'll feel closer to each other than any oysters, petit fours, or champagne would ever allow.
When we take these steps of interrupting harmful behaviors in our relationship and identifying patterns from our past, we start a journey of self-discovery that can be both deeply painful and richly rewarding.
It's little acknowledged in our culture that it's the woman who first loses sexual interest in marriage, especially after she has kids and, in the language of psychoanalysis, becomes "maternalized" not only to herself, but to her husband.