Even couples who have been together for decades don't possess the ability to read each others' minds. There are always (hopefully) going to be surprises in relationships which keeps things from getting too predictable and uninteresting.
I do know that awareness can be taught, it can be learned, it can be discovered, but I'm not sure that it can ever be arrived at. In other words, it's a gradual unpeeling where you never get to the core.
As the monk in the Zen tale shows, if we push away desire, we disconnect from our tenderness and we harden against life. We become like a "rock in winter." When we reject desire, we reject the very source of our love and aliveness.
Sometimes it can feel like dreaming of more than what we've got betrays our current reality. As if to wish for something different means that we're unappreciative of what we have. Dreaming and guilt should never be in the same room together.
The practice is to imagine yourself as an instrument through which the one blows a single, continuous, beautiful note called life. The wisdom of Rumi rings so profoundly simple: Listen to and honor your emotional longings, including those waves of both pleasure and pain.