My father loved movies. The tiny apartment he shared with my mom was inundated with more than 1,000 movies on tape and DVD, films he'd carefully catalogued and conscientiously cross-referenced by title, director and actor.

At one time or another, most of us have been in the position of providing sympathy, comfort and encouragement to someone who has experienced a loss. Unfortunately, not everyone offers support in a way that is sympathetic, comforting or encouraging (and in some cases, not even positive).

I will come out and say it. I love my job. I really do. And I also realize just how lucky I am to feel that way. The fact is that every single day, I have the privilege of being in service to people in need.

One of my best friend's father is dying and even though she's miles away, I can feel the sorrow behind the funny emails she sends me. Because she doesn't work and her kids are grown, she's had the time to go out and stay with her parents as they've moved through Alzheimer's, strokes and chronic old age.

I must have had a very confused look on my face when it happened. It was the same look that I have seen on our cat when she sees a talking parrot in the waiting room of the veterinarian's office.

Although it may be tempting to do otherwise, do not choose to dwell on the unfairness of your widowhood. The unfairness is a given, however dwelling on the unfairness will not take you in the healing direction that you wish to travel.

Sometimes all we need is for just one person who has walked the same path to quietly and gently say, "It really is OK..."

A really appalling thought recently occurred to me. I would even go so far as to call it an epiphany.

They were two men. I was wife to one and daughter to the other. They were two separate, distinct and unbearably difficult losses. I recognized and grieved those two losses as such. All grief is not the same.

I have always taken great umbrage at anyone criticizing, questioning or opining on how the widowed handle their grief and their highly individual and intensely personal healing journeys. Unfortunately, there seems to be a lot of it going on.

The widowed community generally spends a lot of time talking about how much late spouses are missed. Not only is this completely and totally normal, it is also a welcome catharsis and a necessary factor in moving through the grieving process. But do you ever miss 'you' as well?

It is a sad reality that after losing a spouse, many widowed are the victims of accusation, criticism and actual blame. Whether it comes from the outside (relatives, friends, acquaintances, etc.) or is instead self-imposed, there is a lot of unnecessary pain being inflicted on the widowed.