I want to feel again that gasping, outrageous miracle of small feet pushing up into my ribs, to sense something somersaulting inside my body, to surrender once more to the incandescent pain of birthing a baby. But all of that is because I don't want this to be over.

Whether or not to have kids is surely a dealbreaker question between couples, but what about how many kids to have?

Five things I have to remember when I think about those soft little cheeks and tiny fingers.

I'm caught between the age of fertility -- of nausea, butterfly-wing kicks that can take my breath away, swollen breasts and baby blankets -- and the afterward. For the past ten years, an ellipsis has hovered over my head and heart as I wondered if another face would come to our family.

In a world that seems so unpredictable and unsafe, it's an appealing notion to think the more the merrier. But it's all relative, about relatives.