The "your day" mentality surrounding the occasion may feel good at first, but it's important not to let the occasion become all about you. Planning the event should always come second to enjoying this time with your partner.
I asked if the sadness was past or present and he said "present." Then I asked, "Are there any thoughts that are creating this sadness?" To which he responded, "Just the same one; that I'm in not in love with my bride."
When two people come together because they want to learn together, grow together, heal together, share their time and companionship, and share their love and passion, they have a good chance of creating a lasting, loving relationship.
I used to be surprised by the number of clients who would share stories about the ways in which grade school peers (including siblings) would taunt, tease, and torture them, but now it's one of the first questions I ask when a client presents with the fear of intimacy.
We're all a little anxious about intimacy, aren't we? After all, letting people in is inherently risky. Which means that even though we won't all go to extremes, everyone's at risk for the occasional retreat -- and technology offers plenty of places to hide.
In the end, fear is fear, and we either accept the task of working with it consciously and diligently or we walk away from loving, solid relationships with the erroneous belief that "It just didn't feel right. If it was right, I wouldn't have to work so hard."
Crying was for the weak girls who couldn't be alone and needed boys to carry their bags for them. Crying was for the girls who sat out from P.E. because they had their periods and were too scared to participate in the game of life. Or so I thought.
As a therapist, I often hear couples complain that whenever one partner tries to get close, the other pulls away. It's a painful reality that love isn't always as easy to give and receive as we'd like to think.
Fear's entire mission in life is to keep you safe from the risk of loving. It sees love as a dangerous cesspool where the invisible sea creatures lurk beneath the dark surface, waiting to snatch you into their murky waters.
New York Times reporter John Tierney recently described a study that supposedly showed that "single women are particularly drawn to other people's partners." But his interpretation is not supported by relevant data.