Finding your authentic voice is for naught unless you are willing to use it. When you live with a willingness to allow your authentic voice to be heard something mystical and magical begins to happen: Your heart opens and your soul soars because you are revealing who you were born to be.
Next time you get a college rejection letter in the mail, or a part in a school play as a background character instead of a lead, or the opposite summer internship from the one that you desired, consider how a different path may benefit you.
Do you sometimes find that you sabotage yourself in your work or your relationships? Have you wondered why you would do that? Here are some of the beliefs that might trigger your fears or your resistance to taking loving action in your own behalf.
Last Saturday I attended Gay Day at D.C.'s National Zoo. One by one, gaggles of gays would pass by one another, sharing glances and stares but never once speaking to the other herd. For an hour this continued, until I'd had enough inaction and decided to do something about it.
The truth is, "no" doesn't mean we are a bad person or doomed to failure. It's not evidence of a conspiracy against us by the fates or proof that our parents/teachers/siblings were right about us and we never will amount to anything. It just means "not yes." That's it. "Not yes."
Fear of rejection is a big issue for many people -- and it used to be for me, too. I used to be so worried about how others felt about me that I was often anxious in my interactions with them -- always trying to say and do the "right" thing so they would like me or at least think well of me.
Rejection tends to turn us inward in a negative way -- causing us to feel unworthy, flawed, not good enough, unlovable, frustrated, confused, angry, sad, etc. -- which can get us painfully bogged down in paralyzing self criticism.
When two people come together because they want to learn together, grow together, heal together, share their time and companionship, and share their love and passion, they have a good chance of creating a lasting, loving relationship.
What's likely going on is that you have a fear of losing yourself in the relationship. And the more you like the person, the bigger your fear of engulfment and commitment gets. Why? There are a number of reasons you might fear losing yourself in a relationship.
If you're a naturally go-with-the-flow type person, or just shy, you may have, like me, interpreted an instinctual fear of rejection as a reason you shouldn't talk to that cute girl or approach Joe Cool. You've developed a habit that transforms fears into subtle lies and excuses.