There is an old saying, "That which doesn't destroy us makes us stronger." Life-threatening illness -- or any adversity -- can be a strengthener. Not necessarily to the body, but certainly to the character and to the spirit.
Do you get so busy during the day that you do not take a moment to receive, to be aware of, the good around you? Do you ever pause to take in the beauty of flowers?
It may be that you're confused not only by his mixed messages, but also by your fruitless attempts to analyze him and the reasons for his conflicting behaviors.