Recently a friend expressed how much it bothers her when gay men go on about "how gross vaginas are." She feels it's a betrayal of the unspoken alliance between gay men and straight ladies. I thought about how it bothers me too, but for different reasons.
Ever since Will & Grace set a new standard for relationships between gay men and straight women by suggesting that our straight-female BFFs must be No. 1 in our lives, I've noticed an international trend of straight women increasingly dominating gay nightlife too.
I've had straight women friends, many in fact, but they were always women who seemed to have an inherent understanding of boundaries. Maybe the boundaries were respected because I wasn't their male type. That changed a couple of years ago.
For me women were a safe way to explore the world, offering relationships uncomplicated by sex. They were my "in" to relationships, teaching me how to build trust and make real connections with the objects of my affection. There should be a better name for this kind of friendship.
Without sexual tension and social norms, the love between a gay man and a straight woman is not clouded by expectations or unwelcome erections. Something deeper, something magical, something liberating happens, and the rest is history.