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Gay Moms

5 Tips for Managing the Logistics of Same-Sex Parenting of Blended Families

Colleen Logan, Ph.D. | Posted 02.11.2014 | Gay Voices
Colleen Logan, Ph.D.

Here are some ideas and examples from my dissolved and reconstituted same-sex-parents-headed family that can help parents in different households avoid feeling like one is "primary" and the other is, well, "other."

'I Wish You Were Dead So I Could Have a Daddy'

Emma Tattenbaum-Fine | Posted 01.25.2014 | Gay Voices
Emma Tattenbaum-Fine

When I was 6 years old, I told my mother that I wished that she would die so that I could have a daddy. We were in a yellow NYC taxicab on the way to my sixth birthday party. I had found my non-biological mother's Achilles' heel and swung a golf club into it. And it felt like shit for both of us.

In the Sandbox

Dana Rudolph | Posted 01.23.2014 | Gay Voices
Dana Rudolph

The boy tried a different question: "What's your dad's name?" I kept silent, wanting to see how my son handled it. He paused for just a second to think. "Well, that's Mommy," he explained, gesturing to me. "And the other one's Momma, but she's at work now."

Pride Marchers vs. the 'Christians'

Emma Tattenbaum-Fine | Posted 01.23.2014 | Gay Voices
Emma Tattenbaum-Fine

When I was 8, my moms and I attended a pride march. We were marching with our rainbows and chanting, "We're here, we're queer, get used to it!" From across a waist-high barricade, the "Christians" responded, "You're here, you're queer, you won't be here next year!" So ominous.

The Great Mystery of Straight People

Emma Tattenbaum-Fine | Posted 01.23.2014 | Gay Voices
Emma Tattenbaum-Fine

Of course, straight people were everywhere, but when they were on TV, they weren't real to me, and when they were my friends' parents, they weren't sexy to me. Young English teachers and comedy actors in movies, however, seemed both real and sexy to me.

Mom, Is 'Gay' a Bad Word?

Cheryl Dumesnil | Posted 12.30.2013 | Gay Voices
Cheryl Dumesnil

B-Man leans forward and whispers in my ear, "When we were writing '-ay' words on our spelling boards today, someone wrote 'gay' and circled it as their favorite word. But someone else said 'gay' was a bad word. But it isn't, right?"

What Makes a Mother 'Primary'?

Colleen Logan, Ph.D. | Posted 01.23.2014 | Gay Voices
Colleen Logan, Ph.D.

I've been writing here about the experience of being the "other mother" for just about a month now. What is the "other mother"? How does the role develop, and where does it lead?

Our Families Are Making History

Steve Majors | Posted 10.28.2013 | Gay Voices
Steve Majors

It's taken more than three decades for families like mine to be recognized. Thirty years ago, I was at an age where I was pretty certain that I was gay, but at the time, I never could have predicted that I would one day be among 3 million parents in our country who are LGBT.

The Perils of Heterosexual Rights

Colleen Logan, Ph.D. | Posted 01.23.2014 | Gay Voices
Colleen Logan, Ph.D.

Since fighting to be included in the heteronormative model of marriage and then being steamrolled by the heteronormative model of divorce, I've been fighting these systems from the perspective of the "other" mother.

Celebrating National Coming Out Day With Our Families (PHOTOS)

Leonard Wrigley | Posted 12.11.2013 | Gay Voices
Leonard Wrigley

Typically, part of the experience of being "in the closet" for any length of time is a fear of losing or becoming estranged from family. But it can also involve a fear of not having a family of one's own in the future too. This was one of my biggest concerns growing up gay.

In Adoption and Same-Sex Parenting, Who Is the 'Primary' Mother?

Colleen Logan, Ph.D. | Posted 01.23.2014 | Gay Voices
Colleen Logan, Ph.D.

Answering this for myself required taking an honest look at my own experience of two mothers, one adoptive, one biological. What makes a mother "primary"? What makes a mother real?

Three Moms, One Child and a New School Year

Colleen Logan, Ph.D. | Posted 12.03.2013 | Gay Voices
Colleen Logan, Ph.D.

This a story of a mother with two mothers who is raising children with another mother and an ex-partner mother. That's a heck of a lot of mothers! Combine these admittedly confusing family dynamics with the start of the school year and you've got a situation that's complicated at best.

Who Is In a Gay Family?

Amelia | Posted 11.30.2013 | Gay Voices
Amelia

"Are you a gay parent?" asked the stranger. Without a second's thought, I responded, "Yes! My 8-year-old son is gay." It wasn't until later that I realized that that wasn't what he was asking. He was asking whether I am a gay person who has kids. But that experience made me think about another.

Seeking My Anonymous Sperm-Donor Father

Emma Tattenbaum-Fine | Posted 12.05.2013 | Gay Voices
Emma Tattenbaum-Fine

I did once seek out my biological father. A front-page article had hit The New York Times, and I was suddenly spammed by 6,000 well-meaning friends emailing me about DonorSiblingRegistry.com.

The Gayest Weekend Ever (PHOTOS)

Elizabeth Baudouin | Posted 11.17.2013 | Gay Voices
Elizabeth Baudouin

There's so much to be said about the road leading up to your aunts and your moms getting married in the same weekend, from pretending your mom was straight so that you could get through seventh grade to coming out yourself to a tribe of first-generation lesbians.

At the Center of the Rainbow Family Explosion

Brandon J. Bankowski, M.D. | Posted 11.09.2013 | Gay Voices
Brandon J. Bankowski, M.D.

We are humbled to do our part in helping the LGBTQ community start or grow their families. Helping same-sex couples, men and women who probably wouldn't have dared to dream a dream this big just a few years ago, is life-changing work as physicians.

'What Do You Call Your Moms?'

Emma Tattenbaum-Fine | Posted 10.09.2013 | Gay Voices
Emma Tattenbaum-Fine

This question is difficult, because it is both personal and political. This feels to me like the sophisticated version of the needling question "but which one is your real mom?" except of course this question, about who gets to be called "Mommy," is more legitimate.

After the DOMA Decision, We Face an Impossible Choice

Aly Windsor | Posted 09.09.2013 | Gay Voices
Aly Windsor

Do we stay in North Carolina and raise our children around extended family in a state that denies our family the rights and protections of marriage, or do we leave extended family, friends, jobs, and neighbors behind to raise them in a state that values and protects us just like any other family?

Lesbian Mom in Colorado Could Be Among First to Receive Green Card When DOMA Is Struck Down by Supreme Court (VIDEO)

Lavi Soloway | Posted 08.25.2013 | Gay Voices
Lavi Soloway

For Cathy and Catriona and their three children, everything is at stake. If the Supreme Court strikes down DOMA, Cathy could immediately receive approval of her green card application. If the law is upheld, she will be forced to move thousands of miles away from her spouse and children.

The Arsenal Is Empty

Jason Howe | Posted 08.19.2013 | Gay Voices
Jason Howe

Any Supreme Court victory for backers of Prop 8 and DOMA will be a Pyrrhic one. One by one, their arguments have been exposed as falsehoods and have no power as American society moves toward full acceptance of LGBT rights. Their arsenal is empty.

'Mom, What's Gay?'

Cheryl Dumesnil | Posted 07.31.2013 | Gay Voices
Cheryl Dumesnil

I cannot tell you how many times in any given week I end up stuck between a grownup concept and a kid who wants an explanation that he can understand. How do you explain the difference between family love and romantic love to a kindergartener?

Gay Parents in Red States: Not an Oxymoron

Abbie E. Goldberg | Posted 07.30.2013 | Gay Voices
Abbie E. Goldberg

Many of the states with the highest percentages of same-sex couples raising children are those with the most anti-gay laws. Thus, lesbian and gay parents living in these areas encounter legal obstacles in building and protecting their families, which contributes to a sense of legal vulnerability.

Blogging for LGBT Families Day: A Celebration of the Season

Dana Rudolph | Posted 07.30.2013 | Gay Voices
Dana Rudolph

Blogging for LGBT Families Day sits almost exactly between Mother's Day and Father's Day, honoring both parenting titles but recognizing that not all families fit neatly into those two observances. There's a big spectrum out there.

An Invitation to Queer Parenting

Kimberly Dark | Posted 07.23.2013 | Gay Voices
Kimberly Dark

My mother may continue to cringe at the word "queer," but I invite you to consider the idea that queerness can be a pretty good thing. In the broad sense of the word, every person who has ever gone against social norms and values in order to improve them is queer.

Nobody Told Me Getting Pregnant Would Be This Hard

Jincey Lumpkin | Posted 07.17.2013 | Gay Voices
Jincey Lumpkin

I'm not pregnant. If I were 17, this would be cause for celebration, but when you are ready for a baby and you can't just materialize one, an empty womb feels like an empty heart.