I associate with a diverse range of people, and the female-assigned people I know who dress or live as men have a much easier time than the male-assigned people I know who dress or live as women. The former is more socially acceptable, and that disappoints me.

My gaydar should be stronger than ever, but a strange phenomenon is now occurring. As celesbians like Ellen get more glam-dyked out and less butch, and as pink becomes the new black for metrosexual men with their murses, my gaydar is getting blocked by static.

A question often asked of same-gender couples is, "Who is the man and who is the woman in the relationship?" It is perhaps the most illustrative example of gender-role conformity at its worst. We are not just genders with roles to fill. We are individuals.

The gay community is not immune to the idea that femininity is second-class. We still trot out our brawniest and brusquest as our spokesmen. It astounds me that gay culture continues to perpetuate the values that have kept women and gay men oppressed.

Many of us are constantly putting ourselves and others in gender boxes that we just don't fit into, whether or not we identify as trans. This is not to negate the specific discrimination that trans-identified people experience daily and systemically, but gender oppression affects everyone.

While our culture promises to protect diversity, it feels that the last arena to find legitimate and cultural protection is the arena of being gay. To me, the bullying of a seemingly gay boy, in particular, has to do with the fact that being feminine is unacceptable in our macho culture.

What gender-variant youth need are teachers who don't make assumptions, who ask lots of questions and then listen to the answers. Everyone is different. When a kid tells you what's important to them, that's what they want you to do.

On Christmas I took the day off from researching corporate law and watched whatever programming our cable TV provided. And that programming contained a seemingly disturbing amount of "manliness," whatever that means.