I associate with a diverse range of people, and the female-assigned people I know who dress or live as men have a much easier time than the male-assigned people I know who dress or live as women. The former is more socially acceptable, and that disappoints me.
It turns out my mom likes my girlfriend and my kids are fine and the neighbors don't care what I do as long as I trim my forsythia and shovel the snow. And it's great to be given a platform to bust some of these harmful myths about polyamory and show off the good thing I have going.
When a girl is little it's OK for her to have her own dreams -- and it's fine for her to dream big. She can pretend to be a princess and reign over an entire land, or announce that she wants to be an Academy Award-winning actress or declare that she is going to be the next President.
My gaydar should be stronger than ever, but a strange phenomenon is now occurring. As celesbians like Ellen get more glam-dyked out and less butch, and as pink becomes the new black for metrosexual men with their murses, my gaydar is getting blocked by static.
A question often asked of same-gender couples is, "Who is the man and who is the woman in the relationship?" It is perhaps the most illustrative example of gender-role conformity at its worst. We are not just genders with roles to fill. We are individuals.
The gay community is not immune to the idea that femininity is second-class. We still trot out our brawniest and brusquest as our spokesmen. It astounds me that gay culture continues to perpetuate the values that have kept women and gay men oppressed.
In today's society, parents and educators are increasingly realizing the benefits of playing with all kinds of toys. That is, a preschool-aged boy who happily investigates a toy kitchen is less likely to be chastised by his teacher or parents than in decades past.
Many of us are constantly putting ourselves and others in gender boxes that we just don't fit into, whether or not we identify as trans. This is not to negate the specific discrimination that trans-identified people experience daily and systemically, but gender oppression affects everyone.
While our culture promises to protect diversity, it feels that the last arena to find legitimate and cultural protection is the arena of being gay. To me, the bullying of a seemingly gay boy, in particular, has to do with the fact that being feminine is unacceptable in our macho culture.
What gender-variant youth need are teachers who don't make assumptions, who ask lots of questions and then listen to the answers. Everyone is different. When a kid tells you what's important to them, that's what they want you to do.
In thinking about gender, I had hoped that the New York Times would deal with the recent Chris Christie attack on a law student. Christie is considered a "real man" -- a "regular guy" among his supporters, a future presidential contender.
On Christmas I took the day off from researching corporate law and watched whatever programming our cable TV provided. And that programming contained a seemingly disturbing amount of "manliness," whatever that means.
For millions of Americans like me -- gay, straight and in the vast hinterlands in between -- the little box of traditional marriage is too constricting for our evolving notions of love and partnership.