I had been widowed just over a year and well into my own Healing Journey when my mother gave me some very wise advice (which I both follow and dole out to this day). She told me to stop and look back at how far I had progressed since that awful season in time when my husband passed away. When I actually took the time to stop and examine how far I had progressed to that point (and have progressed since that time many years ago), I started worrying less about being "over it" and started appreciating the healing that I had accomplished instead.
It is a sad reality that after losing a spouse, many widowed are the victims of accusation, criticism and actual blame. Whether it comes from the outside (relatives, friends, acquaintances, etc.) or is instead self-imposed, there is a lot of unnecessary pain being inflicted on the widowed; the very people who are in desperate need of support, rather than spite.
Welcome to your last week of Bereavement Boot Camp. I hope that it has been a wonderful period of growth, discovery... and perhaps just a little bit of anticipation for the future. As we wrap up Boot Camp, I want to share a brief story that I hope you will take into your heart and incorporate into your Healing Journey -- remembering your past, embracing your today and looking to your future.
Welcome to Week Two of Bereavement Boot Camp; your continued "kick start" on your Healing Journey. Don't worry if you missed Week One (or any week hereafter), you can jump in whenever you like. This week's theme is an important reminder and one that every single one of us (myself included) needs to hear periodically.
When I see pictures of onetime widowed looking radiant in a wedding gown or resplendent in a tuxedo, grinning broadly for the camera while reveling in newfound love; when I see people who have endured the machinations of divorce eventually rediscover love and follow their new path with an amazing new someone... it is such a wonderful feeling.
A few months ago, a well-known actor mentioned in an interview that he still thinks about his late wife. People were shocked at this 'stunning revelation', as the same actor has been happily remarried for a number of years. This sort of 'shocked' reaction begs an obvious question. Since when did remarriage become an equation formula that reads: Remarried = Forgetting?
Seldom will anything break your heart as easily as the sight of your child in unbelievable emotional pain... and what greater pain is there to a child than the tragic loss of a parent. Though it has been many years since his death, my daughter still experiences bouts of sadness because Daddy is not here anymore.