The key to being with fear is in contacting what is here now, rather than trying to push it away. Here's a story from the river that helps us understand that. In kayaking, you learn about what is called a keeper hole.
My ex and I made a pact that neither of us would remarry. I know you're probably thinking that this is ridiculously juvenile and delusional, but it worked for us... until last week when he told me he had proposed to his girlfriend.
When we determinedly look for something, we find it in reality or often through our perceived projections. We are quite adept at proving ourselves right. We are excellent at selecting the evidence needed to fulfill that which we believe to be true.
At this point, if it's truly over, you're going to need to take action. There comes a day when we must put away the ice cream, wash our tear-stained faces and realize it's time to come to terms with the hard, cold fact that it's over and life must go on sans our pajamas.
When my neighbor and fellow salsa-lover suggested we sign up for Latin ballroom dance lessons, I immediately agreed. It was exactly what I needed. I took to it like a fish that had been starved of water its whole life.
Being present and mindful means that we need to learn to lovingly and compassionately manage our painful feelings rather than avoid them. When you learn to have compassion for your feelings, then you can stay present in your body and learn about what your feelings are telling you.
I don't wilt in the aftermath and this is a new and hopeful thing. I can, in fact, exist without him, and without the others. It is a lesson learned: the heart regenerates with the best of them. The road to love is a winding one, 'til you reach the end and you reach The One.
I pride myself on being able to resolve most issues that come up in my life. I generally have the right tools, and I'm successful in making a repair or finding a solution. As a matter of fact, there have been very few circumstances in my life that I haven't been able to "fix."
I don't know about you, but when my marriage was ending the word forgiveness sounded like a dirty word. The very suggestion of forgiveness made me bristle with anger and I equated forgiveness with absolution.
If you are divorced, or in the process, BEWARE! Not of your ex-spouse, but of self-help "gurus" promising you a quick fix or time limited recovery program guaranteed to get you over the heartbreak of divorce.
As you learn to see yourself through the eyes of your higher self, you can begin to reclaim the truth of who you are -- a beautiful, magnificent, individualized expression of the divine, living in your earthly body.
The gender wars around emotional recovery have been going on for decades, with the false beliefs that men aren't as deeply affected by divorce as women, and that they don't seek help to process their feelings as often.
When the hurt is internal, the tendency is to slip under the radar and "pretend" that everything is okay. However, the level of your hurt runs deep, and it has to heal in the same way cuts, scratches, and bruises would.
A few weeks back I posted a blog about singer-songwriter Tristan Prettyman. Not only is she a talented writer and musician, but she is also a growing woman who has embraced love, heartbreak, and life, and she is not afraid to share her experiences with those around her.
I tried to hear what was wrong in between the sobs, but she only managed to get a few words out between the tears. She was gasping for air. My heart sank. I had 12 trustees waiting for me to finish a presentation on a $1 billion asset allocation strategy.
So there you are, probably making some spring salad, and he walks in and dumps you when all this time you probably wanted him to put a ring on it. There is never a good time to break-up with anyone, but consider it a gift.