When the hurt is internal, the tendency is to slip under the radar and "pretend" that everything is okay. However, the level of your hurt runs deep, and it has to heal in the same way cuts, scratches, and bruises would.
A few weeks back I posted a blog about singer-songwriter Tristan Prettyman. Not only is she a talented writer and musician, but she is also a growing woman who has embraced love, heartbreak, and life, and she is not afraid to share her experiences with those around her.
I tried to hear what was wrong in between the sobs, but she only managed to get a few words out between the tears. She was gasping for air. My heart sank. I had 12 trustees waiting for me to finish a presentation on a $1 billion asset allocation strategy.
So there you are, probably making some spring salad, and he walks in and dumps you when all this time you probably wanted him to put a ring on it. There is never a good time to break-up with anyone, but consider it a gift.
Valuing yourself can start by lovingly seeing the innocent child within you -- your essence. This is your true self, and may have been covered over by the fears and false beliefs of your ego-wounded self that you created as you grew up, to try to get love and avoid pain.
Sometimes we wish we could erase Valentine's Day from the calendar. When we're single and feeling lonely or devalued, going through a break up or grieving the loss of a relationship, there's nothing that feels more like a black hole on the calendar than this Hallmark holiday.
A few years ago, I was lounging on a yacht in the Virgin Islands with the man I was sure I was supposed to marry. We locked eyes and I longed for him to whisper in my ear something tender and romantic. Then he started talking about hamburgers.
On a December Friday night, I gave up any hope that he would come do this work himself, come have the tactile experience of breaking up; the unpowerful part where one must box up one's belongings and remove them as one has chosen to remove oneself.
Not experiencing loving connection as a child can lead to feeling a deep yearning in adulthood. Unfortunately, trying to get this connection from others, rather than learning to connect with ourselves and others, can lead to many personal and relationship problems.
It's okay to have your crush of two years not even know your name. It's okay to get into fights with your parents and break their rules. But, we're never really told that it's okay to let go of our best friend.
It's letting go because there is simply nothing left. It's knowing that the girl in the pictures will never be me. It's wondering why I ever cared that it was. It's not knowing how to pick up the pieces this time.