When I heard the news that President Obama had selected yet another preacher with an anti-gay past to preside at the swearing-in ceremony, I wasn't angry; I was perplexed. When I read about Pastor Louie Giglio withdrawing from the inaugural ceremony, I also had mixed emotions.

For comedy I turn to Christian bigots, but they have let me down of late. What's missing from the current crop, what today's anti-gay preachers, with their infantile depictions of "poo-poo pansies," fail to provide, is camp.

My fellow congregants: I stand before you today an angry man! I am hoppin' mad cuz a legion of sinners is pushin' a liberal agenda that will be the ruination of us all. You know what I am talkin' about, don't ya?! Eating shellfish!