It's finally Aubree's third birthday, and Chelsea's perpetuating socially accepted gender roles and female passivity by renting a big, bouncy princess castle! Elsewhere, Jenelle and Bahhbrahh have a fight.

The day of the wedding, Leah and Jeremy flout the rules and hang out. She must be super sure of their relationship now 'cause she's plucked her eyebrows like a woman with nothing to lose.

Though Jenelle "just needs to focus on" herself, she'd like to also have a boyfriend at the same time. Duh, it's not like "focus on herself" means "be alone," it just means "be with the lesser of two evils" and also do soul-searching in the form of Kieffer and marijuana.

Gary seems to think that one week of engagement is the "wood" anniversary, 'cause he kicked in Jenelle's front door like a total psycho. As Jenelle surveys the upsetting scene, she tells the story of their fight with a strange smirk ...

When Gary returns, he and Jenelle bring Jace to some sort of pirate convention. It seems very fun in the way that glorifying criminal violence at sea is. I'm going to guess Jenelle was drawn by the promise of a "bottle of rum."

Things get physical between Kailyn and Javi; Leah substitutes a beach wedding for a pond wedding, and a real live human trusts Chelsea with their hair.

Jenelle is far too busy preparing for her glorious exit from the prestigious Itty Bitty Titty Committee to visit her son. She's also having a hard time deciding between a different set of boobs: Kieffer and Gary.

Since Chelsea's finally shed her uterine lining, she's also lost her inhibitions. Now that she's a woman (again), she feels ready to bring her mother into the red tent of her soul. In other words: She tells her mom that she banged Adam and thought she was knocked up!

Since Jenelle's off probation in a matter of days and her mom fears the worst, she heads over to Bahhbrahh's house for a chat. Bahhbrahh is unloading literally the biggest Olive Garden bag I have ever seen, further solidifying her as the best person on this show, and potentially in the world.

Because it's Chelsea's first day at Black Plague Beauty School, she's going all out with her makeup. She's purchased a sexy new 'jaundice' shade of concealer, 'cause "renal failure" is her absolute favorite look.

Grab your birth control cocktails and IUD appetizers! Hope you enjoyed your break from depression and misery last week, 'cause we're barreling straight into Season 4.

We finally get a peek at Jenelle's Potential Daddy No. 1 and boy, is he a winner. "He does not look like me, Jenelle," Andrew says point-blank of Jace. "I'm ready for them to say I'm not the father."

With Isaac at his dad's, Kailyn's free to hang with Javi the Bowling Sex God. Over some diner food we learn that he's studying criminal justice, hopes to be a cop, and is generally delightful. Finally, a male role model on 'Teen Mom 2' ... quick, look outside to see if pigs are flying!