Subject's alarm goes off. Subject goes back to sleep, making a mental note that there is no logical reason to get up today, seeing as he is gainfully unemployed and sleeping on a pile of old chocolate milk cartons.
Sometimes I can't help myself, and I do the worst thing imaginable in modern society. I read comments online. I'm not proud, but I've found some recurring themes about me and my new movie, God Bless America, that I'd like to address.