So here you are on this threshold, where the anxiety has quieted and you're left with emptiness. If you stop moving and stop searching and find stillness, you'll touch into what wants to be known. You'll find clarity.
The "Am I gay?" question points to two of the most challenging concepts for the anxious mind to accept, especially when you're on the verge of marriage: that love is a choice and that there are no guarantees or certainties regarding the outcome of this choice.
Fear's entire mission in life is to keep you safe from the risk of loving. It sees love as a dangerous cesspool where the invisible sea creatures lurk beneath the dark surface, waiting to snatch you into their murky waters.
Research indicates is that porn's probability of becoming problematic is first and foremost directly due to one's repression reaction. It's this suppression of the desire to look at porn that boosts one's longing for it.