We still adore our men, but our alone time has little resemblance to the hot dates we once had. Wow, did we take those nights for granted! Want proof? Behold: Date Night Before Kids vs. Date Night After Kids.

The other day, my son looked at me with those same wide eyes that once asked, "Mommy, when I'm older will you marry me?" and asked, "Mom, I'm getting older, doesn't that mean I should start wearing Hollister?"

I've had some awkward V-Day Moments, from my 5-year-old trying to soap opera kiss me to my hubby trying to stuff himself and champagne into an undersized NYC bathtub in our undersized NYC apartment. I've decided this year will not be awkward.

You're also required to pass a test to drive a car, sell a house or be a lifeguard. You can take a class to learn how to give birth, but once that baby's out, you're on your own.

I'm so tired of looking back at the resolutions of the past year and realizing they lasted no longer than a week, which is why this year, I've decided to make a list that's way less ambitious.

I thought about not writing anything humorous until we could all come to grips with this injustice (So, essentially, never). But, I will and I hope other humorists do too.

Frankly, I'm getting tired of reaching around in the car to grab a drink/toy/video game from one of my children, only to find I've pulled out my back/shoulder/neck.

Nearly a decade ago, I moved to the suburbs from NYC. In that time I've learned some pretty important things to ensure my survival, nay, my sanity.

Listen, I've given up many things since becoming a mom: perky boobs, solo trips to the restroom, an enormous amount of hair (I had no idea how much hair I would lose after pregnancies)... but the one thing I refuse to give up is being glam.

Beware their 8 Mile lingo, t-shirts with moderately offensive sayings and fro-yo addiction. They're hoodlums alright. Well, they wear hoodies and they live in the hood, well, the suburban gated neighbor'hood.

If this tiny, guileless thought could make me feel so great, why can't we train our children to say things that will make us feel hipper, younger and smarter?

I am EXACTLY the parent I swore I would never be... Are you?

It's sleepaway camp season and everyone is getting their calls from the kiddos. I've found a pattern: I desperately want to strangle my husband after each call.

Sending the kids to camp is supposed to be this delightfully awesome time of freedom and reprieve, but it's not for me.

At a baseball game recently, a mom friend and I were having a bout of witty banter that went terribly, horribly, irrefutably awry.

The ER that she went to said her daughter had a simple cold. They made her feel neurotic. They made her feel overprotective and ignorant.

If the flowers came from a mini-mart at the gas station, he might as well have bought you a bouquet of Slim Jims.