A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was saying to his lawyer, "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined." "It's in the judge's hands...

A rabbi skips services on Yom Kippur, the holiest day in the Jewish year, to play a round of golf. He has an amazing game, and on the 18th hole, score...

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to att...

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if h...

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my ho...

A priest walked into a barbershop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I cons...

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. At one point in the discussion, the teacher remarked that it was physically impossible for a wh...

John invites his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother can’t help but notice how handsome John's roommate is. Then, over the course...

The Dalai Lama walks up to a vendor who is selling hamburgers and says, "I want one with everything." The vendor hands him one and says, "Four buck...

A husband gets into his grubbiest clothes on a Saturday morning and sets about doing all the chores he's been putting off for weeks. He cleans the gar...

A man goes to see his Rabbi. “Rabbi,” he says, “something terrible is happening and I need to talk to you about it.” “What's the probl...

Last night, I had the pleasure of chatting on the phone with CC, the woman who posted a flyer looking for Ryan Gosling or a Gosling lookalike to repla...

A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding, so she asks the blonde if there's a cop...

A man boards a plane and sits next to a woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond he’s ever seen. He asks her about it. "This is the Klop...

Jane is carrying her new baby son down the street when Mary comes over to take a look. "How lovely!" Mary exclaims. "He takes after his father!" ...

A husband rushes in the front door of his home, screaming out to his wife. "I won the lottery! I won the lottery! Start packing!" he says. "What...

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How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? One hundred: one to change it, and 99 to say, I could have done that. See More Laughs (...

A husband is reading his morning paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. "Hey!" the man s...

Two friends meet on the street. One says, "I haven't heard from you in so long. What happened?" The other says, "Well, frankly you've become a bit ...

"As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then, hey, I’ve done my job." —Roseanne Barr "Exp...

An old Irishman, Paddy, is about to go to his eternal reward. He looks at his grieving friend, Mike, and says, "I have one last request, Mike." "An...