Judy Gold

Hulaween: Making New York City a Little More Like Hawaii

Andrea Chalupa | Posted 10.29.2009 | New York

Read More: Stills, NYRP New York Restoration Project, Robert Isabell, Crosby, Michael Bloomberg, Studio 54, Katie Couric, Michael Kors, Bette Midler, Judy Gold, WalletPop.Com, Nash & Young, Whoopi Goldberg, Andrea Chalupa, Sia, Wind Beneath My Wings Award, New York News

This Friday, Bette Midler is throwing her annual Hulaween Ball, a lavish Halloween wonderland in the Waldorf Astoria, with a little hula-flavor -- a nod to her Hawaiian roots.

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Jim Cramer Declares Depression Over; Millions Panic

Andy Borowitz | Posted 04.06.2009 | Comedy

Read More: Hendrick Hertzberg, Judy Gold, Andy Borowitz, Morgan Stanley, Wall Street, Jonathan Alter, Stock Market, Cnbc, Jim Cramer, Comedy News

Just moments after Mr. Cramer delivered his upbeat prediction, stock prices went into an epic free-fall unprecedented in the annals of modern trading as millions of investors rushed for the exits.

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My April Fool's Prank on NPR

Andy Borowitz | Posted 04.02.2009 | Comedy

Read More: Borowitz Report, Npr, April Fools, National Public Radio, Andy Borowitz, April Fools Day, Jonathan Alter, U.S. Treasury, Ponzi Scheme, Treasury Bills, Bernard Madoff, Judy Gold, Pranks, Hendrik Hertzberg, New York-New York, Comedy News

On NPR yesterday, I revealed that the U.S. Treasury is also running an elaborate Ponzi scheme, selling worthless pieces of paper called "U.S. Treasuries" to unsuspecting investors.

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Obama Opens Chevy Dealership on White House Lawn

Andy Borowitz | Posted 03.31.2009 | Politics

Read More: Borowitz Report, Andy Borowitz, Chrysler, Jonathan Alter, Rahm Emanuel, Chevrolet, Fiat, Joe Biden, Judy Gold, Barack Obama, Hendrik Hertzberg, Politics News

Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel said that all Cabinet members were taking turns running the dealership, and that Vice-President Joe Biden was manning the customer service hotline.

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White House Replaces 'War on Terror' with Symbol

Andy Borowitz | Posted 03.25.2009 | Comedy

Read More: Borowitz Report, White House, Andy Borowitz, War on Terror, Jonathan Alter, Aig, Judy Gold, Robert Gibbs, Edward Liddy, Hendrik Hertzberg, Prince, Comedy News

The White House announced today that it would no longer use the phrase "war on terror" and would instead replace it with a cryptic symbol once used by the funk rocker known as Prince.

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Madoff to Help U.S. Sell Bad Assets

Andy Borowitz | Posted 03.24.2009 | Comedy

Read More: Borowitz Report, Andy Borowitz, Jonathan Alter, Rahm Emanuel, Timothy Geithner, Judy Gold, Bernie Madoff, Barack Obama, Hendrik Hertzberg, Bernard Madoff, Comedy News

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel said on CNN last night. "If anyone can convince investors to buy a worthless piece of paper, it's Bernie Madoff."

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Cheney to Pen Bush's Memoir

Andy Borowitz | Posted 03.19.2009 | Politics

Read More: Borowitz Report, Andy Borowitz, Jonathan Alter, James Frey, George W. Bush, Judy Gold, Dick Cheney, Hendrick Hertzberg, George Bush Decision Points, Politics News

Former President George W. Bush has decided to seek a ghostwriter for his new memoir after realizing that he faced several obstacles to writing the book himself, such as learning to spell.

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In New Terror Video, AIG Demands Huge Ransom from U.S.

Andy Borowitz | Posted 03.16.2009 | Comedy

In the four-minute tape, a man believed to be the chairman of AIG says that if his organization is not paid its ransom, "chaos and destruction will rain down on the American economy."

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NCAA Renames March Madness 'March Bipolar Disorder'

Andy Borowitz | Posted 03.19.2009 | Living

Read More: March Madness, Bipolar Disorder, Andy Borowitz, Zyprexa, Jonathan Alter, Hendrik Hertzberg, Ncaa, Judy Gold, Basketball, Nimh, Living News

The name-change, which both surprised and outraged devotees of the annual ritual, came after the National Institute of Mental Health demanded that the NCAA drop the "Madness" tag.

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CIA Following Bin Laden on Twitter

Andy Borowitz | Posted 03.30.2009 | World

Read More: Andy Borowitz, Gisele Bundchen, Central Intelligence Agency, Twitter, Tom Brady, Cia, Jonathan Alter, Matt-Cassel, Judy Gold, Gossip Girl, Leon Panetta, Al Qaeda, Hendrik Hertzberg, Osama Bin Laden, CIA Twitter, Bin Laden Twitter, World News

The decision to track Mr. bin Laden's movements, moods, and musical tastes came late last week after the agency discovered he was using the popular social networking utility.

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Madoff Blames Ponzi Scheme on Youth, Immaturity

Andy Borowitz | Posted 02.17.2009 | Business

Read More: Hendrick Hertzberg, Andy Borowitz, Chimps, Chrysler, General Motors, Jonathan Alter, Rick Wagoner, Cayman Islands, Ponzi Scheme, Judy Gold, Bank Bailout, Bernie Madoff, Bernard Madoff, Alex Rodriguez, Business News

Madoff pleaded for understanding, explaining, "You do all kinds of crazy things when you're at an impressionable age like 60 or 61."

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Obama Seeks New Commerce Secretary on Craigslist

Andy Borowitz | Posted 02.13.2009 | Politics

Read More: Judy Gold, Andy Borowitz, Commerce Secretary, Jonathan Alter, Barack Obama, Craigslist, Hendrik Hertzberg, Politics News

The president's online gambit seemed to pay off early in the day, when Josh Hurtstein, an indie rock musician from Williamsburg, Brooklyn, tentatively accepted the post.

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Obama Considers Tax on Cabinet

Andy Borowitz | Posted 02.03.2009 | Politics

President Obama is mulling a controversial new tax program that would require members of his Cabinet to pay taxes owed under the Federal tax code, the White House confirmed today.

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Phelps Congratulates Cardinals on Super Bowl Win

Andy Borowitz | Posted 02.02.2009 | Comedy

Read More: Borowitz Report, Judy Gold, Andy Borowitz, Jonathan Alter, Hendrik Hertzberg, Michael Phelps, Michael Phelps Bong, Michael Phelps Pot, Smoking Pot, Michael Phelps Marijuana, Michael Phelps Smoking, Doritos, Comedy News

"The Cardinals really tore it up last night," said Mr. Phelps, who said he saw almost the entire game until he got "a wicked attack of the munchies" late in the fourth quarter.

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Starbucks Eliminates Coffee, Cups, Stir-thingies

Andy Borowitz | Posted 01.28.2009 | Comedy

Read More: Borowitz Report, Andy Borowitz, Economic Stimulus Package, Jonathan Alter, John Boehner, Judy Gold, Starbucks, Barack Obama, Hendrik Hertzberg, Comedy News

In an official statement, a company spokesman said that Starbucks "wrestled long and hard" with the decision to eliminate the three items, "especially coffee."

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Poll: Obama Even More Awesome Than Originally Thought

Andy Borowitz | Posted 01.27.2009 | Politics

Read More: Borowitz Report, Leprechauns, Andy Borowitz, Jonathan Alter, Judy Gold, Barack Obama, Unicorns, Hendrik Hertzberg, Politics News

Mr. Obama receives higher approval ratings in the new poll than either leprechauns or unicorns, mythical beings that almost everyone agrees are totally awesome.

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Obama Sends Biden on 'Special Mission' to Antarctica

Andy Borowitz | Posted 01.22.2009 | Politics

Read More: Hendrick Hertzberg, Borowitz Report, Andy Borowitz, Jonathan Alter, Jill Biden, Antarctica, Joe Biden, Judy Gold, John Roberts, Barack Obama, Biden Antarctica, Politics News

The president was vague about what the mission to Antarctica would entail, but he did indicate that it could take "up to four years."

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Levi Johnston Liveblogs the Inauguration

Andy Borowitz | Posted 01.20.2009 | Politics

Read More: Borowitz Report, Andy Borowitz, Obama Inauguration, George W. Bush, Hendrick Hertzberg. Jonathan Alter, Levi Johnston, Judy Gold, Barack Obama, Obama's Inauguration, Levi Johnson Liveblogging, Politics News

The inauguration was full of f*cking memorable images, like Cheney being wheeled around like a f*cking Batman villain.

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Judy Gold

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