Hulaween: Making New York City a Little More Like Hawaii
This Friday, Bette Midler is throwing her annual Hulaween Ball, a lavish Halloween wonderland in the Waldorf Astoria, with a little hula-flavor -- a nod to her Hawaiian roots.
This Friday, Bette Midler is throwing her annual Hulaween Ball, a lavish Halloween wonderland in the Waldorf Astoria, with a little hula-flavor -- a nod to her Hawaiian roots.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 04.06.2009 | Comedy
Just moments after Mr. Cramer delivered his upbeat prediction, stock prices went into an epic free-fall unprecedented in the annals of modern trading as millions of investors rushed for the exits.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 04.02.2009 | Comedy
On NPR yesterday, I revealed that the U.S. Treasury is also running an elaborate Ponzi scheme, selling worthless pieces of paper called "U.S. Treasuries" to unsuspecting investors.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 03.31.2009 | Politics
Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel said that all Cabinet members were taking turns running the dealership, and that Vice-President Joe Biden was manning the customer service hotline.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 03.25.2009 | Comedy
The White House announced today that it would no longer use the phrase "war on terror" and would instead replace it with a cryptic symbol once used by the funk rocker known as Prince.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 03.24.2009 | Comedy
"Desperate times call for desperate measures," White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel said on CNN last night. "If anyone can convince investors to buy a worthless piece of paper, it's Bernie Madoff."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 03.19.2009 | Politics
Former President George W. Bush has decided to seek a ghostwriter for his new memoir after realizing that he faced several obstacles to writing the book himself, such as learning to spell.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 03.16.2009 | Comedy
In the four-minute tape, a man believed to be the chairman of AIG says that if his organization is not paid its ransom, "chaos and destruction will rain down on the American economy."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 03.19.2009 | Living
The name-change, which both surprised and outraged devotees of the annual ritual, came after the National Institute of Mental Health demanded that the NCAA drop the "Madness" tag.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 03.30.2009 | World
The decision to track Mr. bin Laden's movements, moods, and musical tastes came late last week after the agency discovered he was using the popular social networking utility.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 02.17.2009 | Business
Madoff pleaded for understanding, explaining, "You do all kinds of crazy things when you're at an impressionable age like 60 or 61."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 02.13.2009 | Politics
The president's online gambit seemed to pay off early in the day, when Josh Hurtstein, an indie rock musician from Williamsburg, Brooklyn, tentatively accepted the post.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 02.03.2009 | Politics
President Obama is mulling a controversial new tax program that would require members of his Cabinet to pay taxes owed under the Federal tax code, the White House confirmed today.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 02.02.2009 | Comedy
"The Cardinals really tore it up last night," said Mr. Phelps, who said he saw almost the entire game until he got "a wicked attack of the munchies" late in the fourth quarter.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 01.28.2009 | Comedy
In an official statement, a company spokesman said that Starbucks "wrestled long and hard" with the decision to eliminate the three items, "especially coffee."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 01.27.2009 | Politics
Mr. Obama receives higher approval ratings in the new poll than either leprechauns or unicorns, mythical beings that almost everyone agrees are totally awesome.
Andy Borowitz | Posted 01.22.2009 | Politics
The president was vague about what the mission to Antarctica would entail, but he did indicate that it could take "up to four years."
Andy Borowitz | Posted 01.20.2009 | Politics
The inauguration was full of f*cking memorable images, like Cheney being wheeled around like a f*cking Batman villain.
Andrea Chalupa | Posted 10.29.2009 | New York