I came to realize that being gay is not a reason to feel guilt or shame. I was created in God's image just as much as any straight person. Finally, I had peace. The guilt and shame left me. My love for music did not.
I tried to hang on to church. I went to some progressive churches but no longer felt home in those bittersweet sanctuaries. I had this intense feeling of physical discomfort, as if everyone were watching me, as if everyone knew.