When Lena Dunham and her production team recently commandeered Bar Matchless in my son's Greenpoint neighborhood, he gave her the stink eye, turned on his heel and walked away. From the bar, and from the neighborhood.

The pain and struggle that come with living in this city are all worth it in the end. We're all climbing up the same stairs of an endlessly tall skyscraper, just trying to make it in a place that is meant to break us

Between unfortunate orthodontia and an equally unfortunate obsession with sparkly blue eyeshadow, middle school was rough. But as John Mayer wisely predicted, "Something's better on the other side." The other side is New York.

To thrive in New York is to embrace uncertainty, enjoy ridiculousness, revel in treachery and find exhilaration every second of every day.

I couldn't bring myself to deliver the lines I was coached to say. So, I did what any reasonable, starving New Yorker would do. I lied.

When it's clear you're gone from New York for good, this weird phenomenon occurs in which home becomes the place where you live and the life you're living squeezes out the life you left behind.

Yes, it feels good to vent with the tip of my finger. Only trouble is, I have the new iPhone and it doesn't believe in Hell.