It's hard to imagine, but even if you never fully forgive your cheating spouse, your feelings of anger will likely soften over time. It would be tragic if you sent a destructive message now that you couldn't take back later.
You can argue that people reconcile out of fear, or crappy financial consequences, or keeping it together for the kids. But I also think mixed up in there is compassion -- a great big heart that is trying very hard to love someone who has grievously hurt them.
The logistics of divorce are hellish. It's painful and draining. Understandably, you can get sidetracked from the important work of rebuilding a new life when you're still stumbling around in the ruins of the former one. But that's where the pay off is -- the new life.
It's no longer true that men cheat far more often than women do. A study conducted last year by researchers at Indiana University in Bloomington found that women and men cheat at about the same rate -- though for different reasons.
Hurtful interactions are repeated over and over and get lodged in the brain. Love-inducing chemicals are on hold and it seems like the end of love and passion. And the relationship is ripe for infidelity.
The kids had no idea what was coming. As far as they were concerned, it was another trip to the beach. I'm not even sure they were surprised when I called them all together on the second night for a family meeting. I told them how I had an affair.