I recently had a client I'll call Sandy, who loved a man named Jeff. Yet they had broken up at least three times during the two and a half years they'd been together. While apart, an intense longing for the other would occur and they'd come back together celebrating a harmonious honeymoon truce with a lot of love and a lot of sex. But it wouldn't take long for the problems to reappear.
My wish list of 20 qualities I want in my next lover received more than 1,000 comments. The level of anger and cynicism from hundreds of women frankly puzzled me. Absent a list as a starting point, there's lots of wasted time and little hope for success. Making a list of what you consider non-negotiable qualities is simply smart dating.
Ann Brenoff's recent article, Love Over 50: 20 Traits Boomer Women Want in Their Next Lover, made me think about my own search. Here's my top 20 wish list for my next Boomer lover.
Due to a minor computer snafu on my part, my name will be forever linked to an anonymous column we ran on Huff/Post50 on open marriage. When I discovered this, I wondered what my husband of nearly 20 years would think. Not to mention my daily-Mass-attending Irish Catholic mother and mother-in-law, my ten siblings, four siblings-in-law, and the principals at my kids' Catholic schools. My father, nine years in heaven, was no doubt laughing his head off.
For too many women the notion of experiencing unique and mysterious intimacy at midlife seems preposterous; they have bought into the conventional wisdom that menopause is the last stop on the road to loneliness and decline. An increasing number of other women know different; they are living--and defining--a totally new love narrative.