I want to share in your joy, I want to applaud all the new life and growing families and hope and love that these new babies will bring. I do. I really do. And most every day, I can. Today, I am struggling. I hate to admit that, but it's true.
The human experience is not always pretty. Sometimes it's very tragic and difficult. Lag BaOmer is a day of joy that stands out in a time of sadness. It is a day that six years ago we forced ourselves to leave our broken hearts behind and participate in The Great Parade.
I started seeing my therapist, who specializes in loss and grief, a few months after losing my twins at 20 weeks in May. She is an amazing woman who has been through a lot of the same experiences as me, and who deeply understands my loss.
How do you say goodbye to someone with whom you shared not a past full of memories, but a future made of fantasies? How do you make space for sadness when you're surrounded by messages, both internal and external, telling you to buck up and move on?
I recently had a miscarriage. While I got some fantastic advice from some great people, I was shocked at the bizarre and sometimes hurtful things people said to me. But I can't really blame them. When you don't talk about something, you don't know how to talk about it, either.
Miscarriage isn't about pregnancy ambivalence or anxiety, prior abortions or outbursts of venomous anger, feelings of sadness or anything else that you can seemingly control. Miscarriage is simpler than all of that. It is loss of life that wasn't sustainable.
We make plans and life takes it's own path. In the end, I'd say the big lesson for me has been about trust -- trust that things happen when they're meant to happen; trust that we're being taken care of by a higher source; trust when our intent is grounded in love.
As with anything, you should think carefully before you post the good news that you're expecting. Do you really want to share this with the world? Is there anyone -- perhaps an employer or a family member -- who you're not quite yet ready to tell?