Although the increasing visibility of LGBT people and gains in equality may be associated with short-term rises in homophobic violence, these changes are merely triggers. We must move beyond superficial and individualistic analyses of such heinous events and target their root causes.

My appearance borders on high femme, yet I too am guilty of being a lezbro: I've brought my "male gaze" to parties with go-go dancers, and I've described women's bodies in a manner that I learned from my straight male friends, mostly because I thought it was the cool thing to do.

Incidents of rape always need to be called out, as Joyner did, and addressed immediately, but it shouldn't be brought to attention while denigrating a member of another minority group within the same population, as Joyner also did.

It's only a short step from "don't cry like a girl" and "don't be a bitch" to "women are inferior." These assumptions and connections, part of what many are calling "toxic masculinity," enable violence against gay (or "effeminate" men) and violence against women alike.

From a gruesome point in American and black history, intertwined with systematic oppression and economic disparities, black men have been forced to defend their manhood. Out of externally forced insecurity, homophobia, sexism, misogyny and other oppressive subtle and blatant dogmas were born.

Peter is a gay man I slept with once. When he did come home with me and we were naked in my bed, he kissed my neck, and I moaned, high-pitched and breathy. He stopped, looked me in the eye and said, "Don't do that. It's faggy."

My mother snapped, "Why would anyone buy the cow when they can have the milk for free?" To be compared to livestock made me feel like a useless possession. I had intelligence, right? I had wit and a depth of emotion and experiences to share. Surely my modesty wasn't the only bargaining chip?

These words will not disappear, but by consciously ignoring them, we reclaim the vastness of human intellect. No n-word. No f-word. No c-word.

I took my seventh shot of testosterone just a few days ago, and I still don't have a way to reconcile my utter disgust with misogyny and personal commitment to feminism with my male identity. I find it hard to believe that feminism and masculinity are mutually exclusive.