I think there are many, many men who don't know what kind of relationship to have with their mom once they get a girlfriend or get married. And a lot of times, the mother son relationship has a huge effect on the marriage, to the point of divorce in some cases.
My love for you is not conditional, not connected to the outcome of your life. I will feel proud and I will feel disappointed. I will be certain and I will be afraid. Underneath all of this life we are trying so damn hard to get right, my love for you runs steady and unchanging.
It isn't about teaching them their first words, but about being their voice when they can't speak for themselves. It isn't about cheering them on when they take their first steps, but about walking alongside them no matter what their journey entails
"Mommy! Get that ball!" My 5-year old calls out as I'm walking out the door holding a coffee in one hand, a water bottle under my arm, my 40-pound pocketbook over my shoulder, two camp knapsacks over the other arm and a bag of dirty clothes for the dry cleaner.
When I used to work with kids on their writing, my favorites were always the eighth grade boys. They didn't even pretend to like to write. 'I'm a terrible writer,' each would say. Even though that was rarely ever true.
I've accepted all of the milestones and markers that "growing up" bring. I've photographed them, saved them in plastic tubs, rejoiced over some and cried over others. But for some reason, this birthday just hits me harder than most.
Sure, intuitively you realize that the time will come someday when you are compelled to release all that you have held fast to for so many years. Practically, you cannot prepare yourself for how it all goes down.
My Women's Studies classes were rearing up with a vengeance in my head, but all I managed to get out was that the human body is beautiful, it shouldn't always be shared with the world and that if he ever had any questions about anything he saw that he should come to me or his dad.
How can I raise my boys into men who will never, ever touch someone when they are not wanted? What can I do to make sure that my sons will never be perpetrators? Which decisions can I make so that my boys will look for opportunities to stand as heroes to women, never as threats?
It was sudden. A load of clothes still in the dryer. A letter in her typewriter still waiting to be finished. And a dentist appointment on the calendar at the exact time hundreds of people ultimately gathered for her funeral.
How can I explain this to my boys? My boys who have no problem prancing around in princess dresses? Who would rather be "bunnies" for Halloween than superheroes? How can I break it to them that they might get made fun of, teased to tears if they wear shoes with pink hearts of them?
People often comment about how lucky I am to have such a smart son. Yes, I consider myself blessed. But I also know all the challenges, sacrifices and determination that it took to get him to this day.