It's important to honor and acknowledge your past, to tease lessons from the stories that make you, you. But at some point the past becomes a crutch, something to fall back on when you're uncomfortable in the present or fearful of the future.
Perhaps, like in a good chess game, you'll have the insight to see two or three moves ahead. But if not, don't sweat it. Just show up and take the right next step without delay. That will help keep the doubts and the internal wrestling to a minimum.
Most of us take a reactive approach to media, entertainment and art. We turn to these for many reasons, but not often to help us improve our lives in a proactive way. Yet there's a growing body of research that shows it has the power to do just that.
After more than 25 years of living in Montclair, NJ, the urban/suburban community due west of New York City where we raised our two kids, my husband Mike and I are tapped out. We are in our mid-50s and we are ready to find a smaller home in a more temperate climate.
By learning to control our thoughts, we slowly, ever so slowly learn to control our emotions -- without sacrificing our capacity to feel. As we control our emotions, we ever so slowly alter our perceptions.
When we feel pain, emotional or otherwise, we want to resist it. In some ways it feels right to resist what hurts, what scares us, what we don't want. But pain is not the cause of the problem; it's the effect of a deeper problem.
When you live in forward motion, life changes. You find yourself more in sync with the world around you. All of a sudden people and opportunities appear, as if out of nowhere, to help you on your way. You'll never look at pain the same way again.
The real question is: How can we liberate ourselves from the thankless role of feeling like grapes in the press? How can we be free through whatever path we've been given? We must come to our own answer.
When I got divorced, I remember saying to my mother, "This is not where I thought I would be at this stage of my life." I was sad when I said it, and stuck in the disappointment of my failed marriage. Divorce had definitely not been part of my life plan.
When Irene came through, I had no idea of just how significantly my property had been affected and how long the clean-up would take. My divorce, like Irene, also came tearing through my life, leaving chaos and a major mess behind it.
Looking back now, I realize that my divorce was the catalyst for massive personal growth and that ultimately, my ability to live the life I have now -- my ideal life -- I owe to all that I learned in my marriage.
People like Woods don't change. So if you were his' wife, what would you do in this situation? Would you allow him back into your life, or would you get some self-respect and move forward with your life?