As the old adage goes, if you think you're enlightened, go home to mom and dad and the rest of the family and see what happens. If you haven't completely released the grip of the past, it will surely come back to haunt you now.
The truth is you probably will always be busy and your calendar will be a work in progress. That's okay. But when you strive to accept the limits of a truthful calendar, you can manage your energy more carefully to accomplish the goals, and care for the people and things, that matter most.
Painful memories are completely normal. But when the stress associated with them hinders your life right now -- that's a problem. The good news is that you can learn to channel the positive memories and turn down the volume on the negative ones.
I wanted to cut out the commiserating most of us use for 30-40 percent of all conversation (if you don't believe me, keep track of how many people start conversations with you in the next 24 hours that center on a complaint or criticism).
If I think positive thoughts and take positive actions toward my goals, my destiny can be one of joyful and uplifting, with moments of gleefulness. I might fall and get a few bruises along the way, but if my habit is to get up one more time than I fall, my destiny will be one of success.
Maybe it was a kind word from the CEO telling you your efforts were appreciated. Or the first time you had to apologize to your child. Your defining moments don't have to be huge, they can be quiet ones that only in looking back now you realize were key.
We tend to be like pieces of fly paper, letting words (whether they were intended to or not) stick on us like tiny, pesky flies -- buzzing in our ears, irritating our minds and soaking deeply into our cells. And we start to believe them, letting them define our self-worth.
When you break up with over-thinking it's like writing your own "get out of jail free" card. It doesn't cost you anything to end your relationship with the drama inside your head. You can decide to focus on things in the present that are deserving of your time and attention whenever you choose.
To make sense of the world without frying our brains, we need to filter out a large portion of all that's coming at us. But how do we distinguish the tiny fraction that's relevant from the massive input we can ignore?
Self-criticism leads to negative thought patterns, self-doubt, and anxiety, which in turn can wreak havoc on the heart and the immune system, and prevent us from leading the lives that we truly deserve.
Are you convinced that in order to succeed at anything, you must think the right types of thoughts? As a result, do you often try to fix your thinking? If so, what you're actually doing is thwarting the success you want so badly.
Do you have that negative voice in your head, the one that just won't go away and keeps telling you what a mess you are? If so, it doesn't mean you're crazy. In fact, it actually means you're programmed well to stay alive.
I often see patients in my psychotherapy practice who are unable to make changes in their life and do not understand why they keep sabotaging their efforts. Usually this is due to a hidden resistance or unwholesome belief associated with the desired change.
Whether self or externally generated, our thoughts set the stage for how we feel, perceive, act, and react. When a thought makes itself at home in our brains, it prompts the formation of neural pathways that prove highly resistant to change.