Political Humor on The Huffington Post

Scott Blakeman: Tiger Woods Story Apparently Has Nothing To Do with Healthcare Reform Or Anything Else Important To Us

2009-12-21T00:04:40Z

Although you wouldn't know it by the front page tabloid news stories or the endless panel discussions on television, the Tiger Woods story has nothing to do with our lives, and should only be important to the people in Tiger's life. And not surprisingly, the rest of the world feels the same way.

Afghan civilians are not saying, "I know we live in a country with a corrupt government and rampant poverty and illiteracy, but what we really want to know is how many women did Tiger sleep with?"

Participants at the Global Warming conference in Copenhagen have not been heard complaining, "Why is The New York Times publishing front page stories about how man-made greenhouse gases are imperiling the planet, instead of pictures of the cocktail waitresses Tiger was with?

And the tens of thousands of people in Copenhagen demonstrating for more drastic action to reverse global warming, haven't carried posters saying "Please don't have any news coverage of this protest because it takes up valuable time that could be used to cover the Tiger Woods story."

The 30 million Americans without health insurance aren't saying, "I know that because we can't afford quality health care, 45,000 of us will die this year, but what I'm really worried about is the effect of Tiger's absence on the PGA Tour."

Palestinians facing a humanitarian crisis in Gaza have not been heard to say, "Sure we have no electricity or running water and hardly any food, but we'd rather see nonstop Tiger coverage in the media than any coverage of what we're going through."

So, as my family would say, "Enough already". I hope Tiger can somehow find a way to repair the damage he has caused to his family. But I'm not going to give it any thought. And I know there are plenty of people around the world who feel the same way I do.

Scott Blakeman will not talk about Tiger Woods when he hosts The End Of The Year As We Know It: 2009 Goes Out On A Laugh December 28-30 at the 45th St. Theater in New York. Find out more at ScottBlakeman.com.

"Grass Roots": Episodes 5 & 6!

2009-12-11T08:16:53Z

Meet Miles and Harry, two political hacks working on a grass roots campaign to elect Jim Clarkson to the state legislature. Unfortunately for their candidate, Miles and Harry seem to be losing more votes than they're winning through arrogance and an immense lack of charm.

Watch the fifth and sixth episodes below, and click here to see what you missed!

Episode 5: Hanging with the Big Dogs

Episode 6: Party at Neil's

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"Grass Roots": Episodes 3 & 4! (VIDEO)

2009-12-09T09:25:23Z

Meet Miles and Harry, two political hacks working on a grass roots campaign to elect Jim Clarkson to the state legislature. Unfortunately for their candidate, Miles and Harry seem to be losing more votes than they're winning through arrogance and an immense lack of charm.

Watch the third and fourth episodes below, and click here to see what you missed!

Episode 3: The Black Vote

Episode 4: Plan B

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"Grass Roots": An Impolitic Political Comedy (VIDEO)

2009-12-07T13:29:53Z

Meet Miles and Harry, two political hacks working on a grass roots campaign to elect Jim Clarkson to the state legislature. Unfortunately for their candidate, Miles and Harry seem to be losing more votes than they're winning through arrogance and an immense lack of charm.

Watch the first and second episodes below, and tune in Wednesday and Friday to see the rest of the series!

Episode 1 Coffee's Not Dessert:

Episode 2 Door to Door:

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Deborah Plummer: No Confusion When It Comes to the "Isms"

2009-12-06T14:33:08Z

On Wednesday before the Thanksgiving holiday, the Cleveland edition of the Call & Post, a weekly newspaper with a largely black readership, published a front page, above the fold editorial criticizing Ohio State Senator Nina Turner for her recent support for Issue 6, which called for county government reform with an elected county executive. As the only black elected official who strongly supported Issue 6 rather than Issue 5 which proposed a committee to conduct a year-long study of county reform, the Call & Post depicted Ms. Turner as Aunt Jemima professing "I be's da new leader," in the editorial's accompanying cartoon.

The Plain Dealer, along with several civic and faith-based groups, has criticized the Call & Post for the cartoon since it was published last week. A Facebook page, We Demand Apology for Call & Post Aunt Jemima Editorial, garnered over 500 joiners during the first 24 hours. Yet, the newspaper stands by the editorial cartoon criticizing the Plain Dealer for "haven taken this shot across the bow with a fellow publication." The Call & Post recent editorial backs its stand and makes no mention of its other critics -- namely the United Pastors in Mission, an ecumenical group of predominately black congregations, and several black city councilmen along with many community and business leaders.

The Call & Post is confused on the issue. They can editorialize all they want about Ms. Turner's position on Issue 6, but there should be no confusion that Aunt Jemima is a derogatory, demeaning label of racism and sexism. There was no confusion that Aunt Jemima was a racial stereotype when a similar cartoon was published (and later apologized for) by The Plain Dealer in 1989. George Forbes, now President of the Cleveland Chapter of the NAACP and legal adviser to the Call & Post, was then a mayoral candidate. Now confused about the cartoon's use as racist, George Forbes holds both the paper and the local chapter of the NAACP hostage in denouncing the racial slur. Let's not confuse politics, freedom of speech, the black agenda, the education of the 50,000 black school children, black leadership in Cleveland or the election of the new county executive with racial stereotyping. The caricature "Aunt Jemima" is a demoralizing and demeaning racial and gender stereotype and its use distracts from these important issues and possible solutions. The Call & Post and George Forbes should not be confused about that.

What is certain is that State Senator Nina Turner is not confused about who she is or what she stands for and her position on Issue 6 was very clear from the jump start. That deserves respect. It is beyond disappointment that a black newspaper is not the representative voice of all black people and that the leadership of the local NAACP remains silent on this unprincipled depiction of a black leader. Moving forward, we must demand civility in our debates to move our communities toward inclusion and not be confused about racism and sexism even when the source purports to speak for black people and positions oneself as a leader of the black community.

Annabelle Gurwitch: Fifty-Sixth Millionth Couple

2009-11-05T16:57:01Z

"If our ups and downs in our marriage can help young couples sort of realize that good marriages take work ... It's unfair to project a kind of perfection that doesn't exist." First Lady , Michelle Obama, The New York Times, Nov 1 2009

I was so excited to read the New York Times Magazine story about the First Couple this past Sunday. I can't stop thinking about how the First Lady said their relationship is an "ongoing negotiation." That sounds just like my marriage. My husband and I may be just one of the approximately 56 million couples in the United States, but we have so much in common.

The first couple has tried to preserve their "date night tradition." We have too, maybe we can double? Just last week they "slipped into a Georgetown restaurant, he was tieless and she wore a backless sheath." Ok, on our most recent date night, we couldn't actually afford to leave our bedroom so we gave our kid free reign of the internet for the night, opened a bottle of six-month-old California wine while I slipped into my eight year old sweat pants and we plopped down on our twelve year old couch to watch our favorite new show on our eighteen-year-old TV. But our TV died, so if anyone knows if Ted Danson got the charges removed when he was busted for smoking pot in Fort Greene, we'd love to know.

The Obamas are lamenting their "lack of privacy" in their marriage. Ok, theirs is due to all the press surrounding the President's every move and all of the important functions he attends that dictate their schedule, but I can relate. Our entire family schedule revolves around my husband's obsession with a particular bodily function which makes it impossible to calculate the timing of everyone else's use of that room, so we're constantly waiting on my husband's activities, just like the Obamas. Inevitably, I might amble into said room at the same time that Jeff has headed in armed with the entire newspaper and several magazines. He doesn't get security briefings like POTUS so he has to spend a lot of time gathering his own information, after which we stage a daily reenactment of the scene from Marathon Man: "Is it safe?" Which is kinda like FLOTUS reading the daily briefings, right?

"The pair recently began playing tennis" and Barack is beating Michelle, "for now" she says. Ok, we were playing. I signed us up for weekly tennis lessons. Over at our court, every time Jeff missed a shot, he'd curse at himself and throw his racket down in disgust. His game was accompanied by loud growling through clenched teeth, sprinkled with expletives. His claim that "lessons were ruining his game" was a novel one and my guy quit while Barack is still playing, but at least I'll always have the memory of how when Jeff played it sounded like he was on the receiving end of a Civil War era amputation.

Seeing her husband in the Oval Office cracks Michelle up ... " What are you doing here, get up from there!" she'll say. I'm so there, lady.

I walk into our renovated garage office and I can't believe my husband is at his desk trolling through internet porn and chatting up old girlfriends on Facebook. Ok, I might not be cracking up when I yell, "What the fuck are you doing, you're setting a bad example for our kid!" But it is always shocking just how much time he can spend looking at that crap.

Michelle says it's hard work and that's one thing we really do have in common. This is why I've declared a personal fatwah against the phrase, "happily ever after." Wouldn't just "ever after" make more sense -- and "they lived ever after"? Much more realistic. But who knows, maybe the Obamas will have more "happily" in their ever after than most of us, and I can only hope that right wing commentators will stop leveling criticism at the President for taking the time to devote to his marriage with his weekly date nights -- at least we know that unlike Bush who was asleep by nine pm every night, our new President is actually awake.

---

After thirteen year of marriage, authors and actors and real life married couple, Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn Have discovered "we're just not that into us." They are performing stories from their forthcoming memoir, YOU SAY TOMATO, I SAY SHUT UP... A LOVE STORY, (Crown, 2010) as part of The New York Comedy Festival, November 5th, , 8pm at 92Y Tribeca,

For tickets and info.

Ed Gurowitz, Ph.D.: The US's Myers-Briggs Profile

2009-10-14T15:35:43Z

If you've been around the business world you are familiar with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) - by means of a relatively short set of questions it comes up with a "type" based on four bipolar dimensions:

Extraversion - Intraversion - basically how you renew your energy - from outside (other people) or by going inside.

Sensing - Intuition - how you process information

Thinking - Feeling - the basis on which you make decisions

Judging - Perceiving - how you make sense of the world

From these eight poles you get a four letter profile - E - I, S - N (the I was taken), T - F, and J - P. I, for example am ENTJ and from that, someone who is versed in the MBTI can draw a host of inferences about me.

The remarkable thing about the MBTI is how uncannily accurate and consistent it is. I recently took an abbreviated version on Facebook - just about eight questions - and it came up ENTJ just like the full version. Most people find it at least about 80% accurate, usually better.

So what about us as a nation? As I thought about it, I decided that the USA is ENFJ

Extraverted - we draw our energy as a people from outside; isolationism has never really gained a foothold here.

Intuition - we trust interrelationships, theories, and future possibilities more than we do facts, details, and present realities.

Feeling - we like our decisions to create harmony even if they're not logical and objective - more McCoy than Spock.

Judging - we orient to the world by making decisions quickly and sticking to them.

One standard work on the MBTI (Working Together by Isachsen and Behrens) calls ENFJ "the Mentor." They describe the Mentor as responsive and responsible, popular and sociable, charismatic, communicative, and warmly enthusiastic.

The weakness of ENFJ is in taking care of oneself and in taking care of details. ENFJ's don't value objectivity overmuch and aren't good at setting priorities and sticking to them. We are frustrated, as a people, by cold, impersonal logic, by being excluded, and by criticism and lack of appreciation. We value cooperation, harmony, and self-determination, and we irritate others by being overly emotional, moralistic, and wanting to be seen as knowing everything.

Viewed in this way, the unhappiness of most Americans with the Bush years makes sense - how Bush/Cheney wanted us to be goes against our national character - isolationist, ignoring reality (why else would we have gone to war in Iraq when the enemy was funded by Bush's friends the Saudis?), making decisions that turned the world against us and sticking to unpopular or illogical choices (climate change, health care, torture, Guantanamo).

Conversely, when you look from here Obama's Nobel Prize makes sense. After eight year of irritating the rest of the world, we now have a President who is an expression of our national character - open, optimistic, communicative, warm, charismatic. We are once again in relationship with others and with ourselves, and oriented toward collaboration and harmony.

As Polonius said, "to thine own self be true, and it follows as the night the day thou canst be false to no man." Maybe he had something there

When Nepotism Goes Awry: Politicians And Their (Naughty?) Sons

2009-10-13T16:54:20Z

Sons of big name political leaders have been making the news this week from Europe to Africa. In France, President Nicolas Sarkozy has taken heat for naming his son Jean to a high level government position. And in Libya, Muammar Gaddafi named his son Seif al-Islamsecond-in-command of the country.

But if you think Jean Sarkozy is controversial, check out these other sons who have gotten that extra boost from their parents' positions of power. Some have committed much worse acts than getting a big promotion. Which of these sons are the families' prized jewels -- and which are the black sheep?

UPDATE: And another! The BBC has reported that groups in Egypt have started campaigning to stop President Hosni Mubarak from passing power down to his son. The campaign, under a banner that translates loosely to "Who gave you the right?" is organized by a former presidential challenger, Ayman Nour.

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Erica Watson: Comical View: Fat Is the New Black!

2009-10-06T13:35:58Z

Critics insist that Dr. Regina Benjamin, President Obama's pick for U.S. Surgeon General, is too fat for the position. I will admit she has a little meat on her bones - voluptuous, thick at most. Or as my daddy would say "she's Juicy!" But fat? Come on!

The Surgeon General pick and I are both full-figured black women.

I've always been ambitious, but from a early age I knew that my career choices were limited to being an Ashley Stewart sales associate, starring in a gospel musical play extravaganza, selling syrup, being a co-host on the View, or a comedian. I chose the latter.

Not because I can't sing a slamming rendition of "And I am Telling You" or because an employee discount on the latest zebra print jean outfit is not appealing. I mean, what fat black woman has not dreamed of sharing a stage with Barbara Walters? (Although out of all the big black co-hosts, Rosie O'Donnell remains my favorite.)

I chose comedy because everyone knows that sassy, fat black women are funny. Being the butt of the joke is what we do best, right? Yes, I could have gotten a job at the DMV or traveled the world as an international jet-setting ghetto hair show model. But that would be too easy. Next to being a phone sex operator or dominatrix, comedy is one of the most fulfilling jobs for a plus sized black. Sure, spanking a white man's ass is a favorite pastime for many big black women. But me, I want to make people laugh!

Yes, the job market for full-figured black women is expanding!

Before Dr. Benjamin, the only way a full-figured black woman could get a job working in the health industry was to be a security guard at the Medicaid office. Or possibly being a "nurse" on the usher board at church and fanning people when they fall out from getting the Holy Ghost. (Nursing degree and butterscotch candy is not included.)

But what's so wrong with having a full-figured Surgeon General? We all know that she is qualified. Critics say her size sends the wrong message to Americans.

I think it sends an amazing message. I don't mind being fat, but there are times I would rather be a fat white woman, so that I would have a better chance of getting a black husband. But now with the appointment of Dr. Benjamin, being a fat black woman has its benefits too!!

I can see the slogan now:

Be a Fat White Woman. Get A Black Husband.

Be a Fat Black Woman. Get A Better Job!

I love that message. I see nothing wrong with that!

Critics act as if the president went cruising in BBW Chat rooms, or created an online dating profile to find the Surgeon General:

Seeking my Heart Attack!

Extremely attractive, married, bi-racial leader of the free world seeks a Big Beautiful Woman for NSA who cares more about the health of others than her own. My leading lady has arms of steel, so my chick on the side must be thick in the waist and cute in the face. Must enjoy consuming high calorie foods; lead a sedentary lifestyle and love gaining lots of weight, all while being a doctor. I'm looking for a sexy Miss Piggy that can cure my "swine flu"...along with other nationwide health concerns. No pic needed, but your BMI must be over 30. Black women with diabetes and high cholesterol are strongly encouraged to apply.

All jokes a side, this recent controversy over the 52-year-old speaks to larger truths about size discrimination. It is the last prejudice that is allowed in this country. When it comes to race, sex, gender and physical disabilities, we know that it is wrong to discriminate. But size is fair game!

If Dr. Benjamin is not qualified to be Surgeon General because of her size, does that mean a hearing impaired or visually impaired person could not do the job either? What if she was HIV positive? Would she be seen as too unhealthy to do the job?

This illustrates the double standard we hold as a nation about men, women and body size. Former Surgeon General C. Everett Coop was a "full-figured man," but no one criticized his ability to lead.

When full-figured black women were mammies on plantations, cooking the food, cleaning the house, all while birthing babies for Massa', her size was never criticized. Matter of fact, her fatty breast milk was seen as a prime source of nutrition while she was a wet nurse for white babies. But now that she wants to take care of the health of the nation, all of a sudden she's not good enough? I guess modern day mammies are out of a job!

This is all about civil rights after all. Gay is the new black? Well, Fat is the new Gay!

Fat is the new N-word!

Size discrimination is real. A friend of mine, who is black and a lesbian told me that it's her fat body that seems to offend people the most. Yes, there are some black people and gays who are guilty of discriminating against fat people. It makes no sense! I told her once gay marriage is legal, she better hurry up and marry her partner before legislation bans fat marriage!

Fat people have more in common with minorities than people think. Just as black people have had name changes over the years-once Negroes and colored...larger people have had the same. From rubenesque and zaftig, to chunky, husky, big-boned and plus-sized...our titles have changed with the times. Often reflecting the social, economical, and political climate of the world. In these harsh financial times, maybe having a larger person represent the United States will fool other countries into thinking that we are over here living large and eating well. When of course we know that many of us are not!

There are other advantages to having the "genius grant" fellow as Surgeon General. For one, there are many Americans that are struggling with weight issues that may heed her advice more because she knows first hand what we are going through.

This may be selfish, but I believe she may bring issues to the forefront about black women that have been ignored. Remember during the 2004 debates when Gwen Ifill asked Vice President Cheney how the government planned to address the alarming rates of HIV infection among young African-American women? Cheney said he had "not heard those numbers with respect to African-American women" and was "not aware" there was an "epidemic" of HIV/AIDS among that population. WOW!!!

Now, is that sending the right healthy message to America?

Dr. Benjamin is beyond qualified for the job. Why are we even discussing her dress size?

For all those full-figured black women that are lunch room ladies in a middle school, who spend their days trying to convince students that red Jell-O with pineapple chunks counts as their daily serving of fruit and vegetables, here is your moment to shine!

Embrace who you are, and know that you too can be Surgeon General, if you try!

----

**This was originally written back in July, but I feel that many of the themes are still relevant. So I wanted to share them. Enjoy! :) **

See "Fat Bitch!"
A One Woman Show by Erica Watson
October 7-10, 2009 @ The Tank Theater, NYC

Is Using A Minotaur To Gore Detainees A Form Of Torture? (VIDEO)

2009-08-27T15:49:22Z

The "Onion" begged the question this week of who should be held accountable for the "Minotaur Maze" used under the Bush administration as an "enhanced interrogation technique."

WATCH:

Is Using A Minotaur To Gore Detainees A Form Of Torture?

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Brian Ross: Man on The Street: The Vote Wants You To Get Out for It on Health Care

2009-08-23T12:32:49Z

I stood outside of a town hall meeting the other day to interview people who had participated and recorded this really amazing interview with one of the more influential speakers on health care reform.

Me: "Hello, may I stop you for a... yes, please. I'm doing a follow-up to the town hall meeting that you just attended. Can I ask you a few questions?"

Him: "I really don't want to talk I'm a little depressed...."

Me: "What's troubling you? Something you heard in the meeting?"

Him: "Well no... Yeah I guess. People.... All right, you want to know? The president calls me out. The president mind you, to try and remind people that they have a little power to change things, y'know? But I... How did we get to be so damn dumb?"

Me: "We being?"

Him: "Americans. You, me... That guy in there wearing tin foil to repel government mind-rays repeating what he heard on Glenn Beck's show last week. How did we get to be so ignorant?"

Me: "Health care reform frightens a lot of people."

Him: "It shouldn't. Obama says if you like your health plan, keep it. That should be pretty simple. It scares the Insurance companies. They will have to compete with a public option, which might keep them honest.. anyway. Everyone wants to tell you about every horror story that they have heard. Woman waits six months to get her gallbladder out in a London suburb and comes out with a third arm and a godless athiest too. I'm supposed to come in, do my thing and we're good, but no.

Me: "What is 'your thing?'

Him: "Me? I'm the most important part of the whole process."

Me: "Which would be --"

Him: "I'm The Vote. If you don't get me out there, nothing happens, right? After my cousin, The Money, I'm probably the only other fella that anyone on Capitol Hill cares about."

Me: "I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you. You usually only make appearances during election years."

Him: "That's when everyone pays attention, but I'm here in all of those other years, for all of the issues, big and small. Used to be you couldn't have a war or a highway project or a big spending bill without me, but since the Bush administration was so good at bullying the Congress and doing things without asking anyone, I had to take a little holiday.

Me: "You were a bit neglected in the Bush years, yes."

Him: "That's okay. The president called me back into service about two years ago. It was nice. People welcomed me back, even threw big rallies to get me to come out. You know how politics goes. That was then. This is now. I just guess that I didn't have much luck today in there. I'm just venting."

Me. "That's too bad. You were hoping to have what happen in the Town Hall?"

Him: "What was I hoping? I was hoping that my fellow citizens in there would tell their members of Congress what most of them wanted. Or at least what my friends the polls, you know, that nice couple down the Hill who have all those politicians and journalists camped out in their front yard... Yeah they told me the other day that they think Americans are really looking for a public option in health care to give everyone coverage and to keep the private insurance companies honest. Those big companies, like the ones in insurance or hospitals or the big drug companies who don't want things to change, are filling the airwaves with a lot of scary stuff that makes my job that much harder."

Me: "So you think that people are listening to the scare tactics?"

Him: "They're going positively nuts. 'They're going to turn the oxygen off on grandma!' one woman cries.. And the ones who think that health care reform is the first step to them losing their guns.. Oh! The guy, on the way out there side, the guy who swore that socialized medicine would cause GE to use its broadcast satellites to call in the first wave of the space aliens' armada... Says he heard that one on O'Reilly."

Me: "It gets pretty absurd, then?"

Him: "Some of these folks make Forest Gump look like a Rhodes Scholar. They're calling the president a Nazi, even though he said over and over again that the public option was not mandatory, and the biggest proposals in the health care package don't begin to approximate what they have in Canada or the UK. They spend $4,000 less per person than we do on health care and get similar results. They spend millions less on paper pushing, insurance for doctors, trial lawyers. That's what scares all of these big interests who have millions that flow their way now. I don't get the little guy, though. Why anyone wants to fight their insurance company, which loves them when they're healthy but does not want to hear from them if they get really sick, is beyond me."

Me: "Nobody had anything smart to say about the public option or the health care bill?"

Him: "A few people did. Look around though. A tiny handful of people in that room and how many are out here, walking around like none of this affects them. Or they think that just because you vote for someone, that they'll do what you want, without doing anything themselves. The folks with The Money know that. They count on me falling down and not doing my job, which, let me tell you, is not easy when you live in a country where people don't read and don't follow much of the important stuff even on TV."

Me: "What would you expect them to do? They already picked their leaders, right?"

Him: "President Obama told us that change doesn't happen with just him. It takes everyone being out there, being activist. The kranks and the kooks are out there waiving signs and carrying side-arms to political meetings because yeah, maybe they don't have a life, or they're just that scared, but we need to hear from everyone, especially the sane and the sensible.

The folks who turn out for me in the general elections. We need their activism on big ticket votes like this. Sure, let the guy you elected sweat out the money for the railroad crossings at the edge of town. When it comes to something this important, you should contact your members of congress."

Me: "That's a lot of work, finding out how and where to do that. You need a pen and paper and stamps and.."

Him: "They're on the Internet. You never heard of Google?"

Me: "How many people Google to write a letter to Congress?"

Him: "You see? This is what I'm talking about. They can reach their senators here:

http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

They can reach the representatives here:

http://www.house.gov/

Just put in your zip code and it will take you to the right person. Ok?"

Me: "No one really reads those things, though, right?"

Him: "They really don't read them as much as they count them, and categorize them by subject. Your email does not have to be long. Just tell them what you want, things like the public option. I read a great article which tags all of them for how much they got out of Money during the current election cycle. They should take a look at that and let them know that standing behind me, The Vote, makes them just as big of a deal as all of those special interests standing behind The Money.

Me: "You think that will work?"

Him: "It worked to get Obama elected. We marched him in chanting Change, but unless y'all change how you participate in our government now that the hard work is here, and do as much to backstop the President that you had me put in office, I don't think he is going to last all that long. That's why I'm depressed."

Me: "Well, I wish you luck getting the public out to you on health care reform, Mr Vote."

Him: "Thanks, and it's The, not Mr."

Me: "We should do this more often on big ticket legislation."

Him: "It would be nice."

Horst Schlaemmer: Comedian Drums Up Support For German Chancellor Bid With Political Satire (SLIDESHOW)

2009-08-20T11:19:21Z

(AP) BERLIN — He sports a pot belly, scruffy mustache and ugly glasses, and likes to burp on live TV, yet 18 percent of German voters would be willing to vote for him in next month's national election.

What could they be thinking?

Horst Schlaemmer, the alter ego of German comedian Hape Kerkeling, has taken the country by storm, generating a media buzz that rivals that of Chancellor Angela Merkel and Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier, her challenger in the Sept. 27 elections.

The comedian's press conference announcing his spoof bid was carried live on two networks. He was given a king's welcome by the city of Grevenbroich, the fictitious Schlaemmer's real home town about 25 miles northwest of Cologne. Even the genuine mayor, Axel Pruemm, was on hand.

In a plodding campaign that has lacked divisive issues, Kerkeling's campaigning focuses not so much on civic duty as on drumming up publicity for the film "Horst Schlaemmer – I'm a Candidate," which opened Thursday.

Germans are complaining that this year's race for the chancellery is one of the most boring ever. But Schlaemmer's Ruhr Valley accent and ready wit have brought comic relief to a campaign in which Merkel and Steinmeier – neither of them a riveting speaker – have offered little to set the pulse racing.

"He is ridiculing the politicians' election promises, which is an accurate parody of the real election campaign," Michael Spreng, who was an adviser to a conservative candidate in Germany's 2002 election, told the Frankfurter Rundschau newspaper this week.

Kerkeling, 44, is one of Germany's most popular impersonators: He once posed as the Netherlands' Queen Beatrix at a German presidential reception. And when he opened his campaign this month, he offered interviews in his role as Schlaemmer.

Schlaemmer's campaign platform? Every German should receive a guaranteed salary of euro2,500 ($3,500), starting a month from the day of birth right up until the day of death.

Other planks include eliminating smoking bans, making visits to the tanning salon free, and including cosmetic surgery in the country's health care regime.

He's even pledged to ditch Germany's famed eagle emblem in favor of a bunny.

Kerkeling's film is reminiscent of the work of British comedian Sascha Baron Cohen as "Borat" or "Bruno." Kerkeling's mockumentary tells the story of Schlaemmer, an unhappy deputy editor of a daily paper in Grevenbroich, a nondescript city once famed for coal mining but notorious now for high unemployment.

In the film, Schlaemmer wakes up one morning and decides to run for chancellor, twisting President Barack Obama's campaign slogan, "Yes, we can," into "What the others can't do ... so can I."

Schlaemmer's promises may sound silly, but real campaign pledges by Steinmeier to create 4 million jobs over the next decade, or the opposition Left Party's pledge of "wealth for everyone," strike most Germans as no less implausible.

Merkel's campaign so far has been remarkably short of specific proposals, beyond a vague promise of tax relief that critics say is unrealistic.

"Merkel and Steinmeier are two sober, pragmatic and rhetorically not-very-talented candidates," Spreng said. "The act of Horst Schlaemmer works only against the backdrop of these candidates, who are serious but put you to sleep."

Schlaemmer's act works so well that 18 percent of Germans said they would vote for his party if he did indeed run for chancellor next month. The poll was conducted by Forsa agency, which surveyed 1,000 people last week. It did not give a margin of error.

In the film, Schlaemmer gets less than 0.4 percent of the vote in the film. But, like a real politician he promises, "I will try it again in four years." - KIRSTEN GRIESHABER (AP)

Matthew Filipowicz: Health Insurance Industry Releases Ad Thanking Max Baucus For Screwing Over The American People

2009-07-28T16:51:43Z

Montana Senator Max Baucus has made some health insurance executives very, very happy. As you may have heard, the Senate Finance Committee, which Baucus chairs, has crafted a "bipartisan", or "crappy", compromise leaving out both a public option and employer mandate.

The insurance industry is so thrilled with Baucus, that they released this ad thanking him for his work in screwing over the American people. Take a look.

You have to admire the gumption of Baucus and the Blue Dogs. Ignoring the will of the people. Happily to derailing the Democratic party agenda. Stabbing their President in the back.

And they have to be smart enough to realize that if Obama fails, their congressional seats and their Democratic majorities are in greater danger. But they don't care about any of that. They're blissfully out in the open about being bought and paid for, and their corporate donors are thrilled. It's safe to say that every penny they spent buying Max Baucus was worth it's weight in legislative gold.

Don Parker: 'Outlaw Mother's Milk' Says Drug Czar

2009-07-23T19:53:55Z

After declaring on Wednesday in Fresno that "marijuana is dangerous and has no medicinal benefit," Gil Kerlikowske, director of the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy said the next target will be "the biggest gateway drug of all, mother's milk."

While ramping up efforts to ensure that no human suffering can be relieved by doctors prescribing marijuana, Kerlikowske said his office will soon begin two new initiatives: first, to outlaw breast feeding and baby formula; and then a campaign to urge teenagers to avoid marijuana by increasing their use of alcohol and tobacco.

"It is the strong belief of the current White House Office that the Bush Administration's opposition to so-called science was well founded." Kerlikowske said. "We will soon publish evidence that gravity is a myth, water runs uphill, and hot air doesn't rise.

"We're also reexamining dubious and ridiculous claims that the earth allegedly revolves around the sun," said Kerlikowske, known affectionately as the Drug Czar. "And, contrary to popular opinion and centuries of scientific evidence, we know the earth is flat.

"Furthermore, the moisture some call 'rainfall' is actually God's tears."

A reporter pointed out to the Drug Dictator that marijuana has been found to have many medicinal uses by the Institute of Medicine, American Nurses Association, American Public Health Association, American Academy of HIV Medicine, Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, Lymphoma Foundation of America, and numerous other medical and scientific research organizations.

"Poppycock and balderdash," Kerlikowske sputtered.

"Who are you going to believe? Me, a lifetime cop, or a bunch of wimpy doctors and nurses and pantywaist scientists in frilly white lab coats?" asked Kerlikowske, who was the Seattle Police Chief before being named as Drug Despot by the president.

"All patriotic, red-blooded Americans should ignore the medical research of the federal government and the private sector."

Asked why the Drug Tyrant would recommend teenagers should use more alcohol and tobacco, Kerlikowske said he believes marijuana must be stamped out at any cost.

"Yes, it's true that each year hundreds of thousands of Americans die from using alcohol and tobacco and no one has ever died of an overdose of marijuana," Kerlikowske said. "But if you factor out drunk driving auto accidents, hardly any of those dying from alcohol and tobacco are teenagers. It's mostly middle-aged and older people. And hell, they were going to die eventually anyway.

"And yes, we will propose legislation to outlaw breast feeding and baby formula. Mother's milk and formula are both gateway drugs. It's been proven that almost all heroin, cocaine, and crystal meth addicts started out on either mother's milk or formula as babies. Formula is the methadone of baby nutrition."

Asked about widespread efforts in many states to legalize or decriminalize marijuana and to tax it, Kerlikowske told a reporter from the Fresno Bee, "Legalization is not in the president's vocabulary, and it's not in mine."

Kerlikowske added that other words not in his vocabulary include compassion, pain and suffering, the scientific method, and evidence.

Joseph Romm: The Audacity of Nope: The GOP Channels Groucho Marx: "Whatever It Is, I'm Against It"

2009-07-21T10:48:12Z

The lead story in the WashPost today is "GOP Focuses Effort To Kill Health-Care Bills." But really, the story could be about climate and clean energy (see "Hill conservatives reject all 3 climate strategies and embrace Rush Limbaugh") -- or anything else.

The article notes, "William Kristol, editor of the conservative magazine the Weekly Standard, implored Republicans to 'go for the kill.' "

The GOP reminds me of Groucho Marx in Horsefeathers -- though more Groucho than Marx brother, I'm afraid:

I don't know what they have to say,
It makes no difference anyway,
Whatever it is, I'm against it.
No matter what it is or who commenced it,
I'm against it.

Your proposition may be good,
But let's have one thing understood,
Whatever it is, I'm against it.
And even when you've changed it or condensed it,
I'm against it.

I'm opposed to it,
On general principle, I'm opposed to it....

It is a certainly a consistent philosophy, if ultimately self-destructive.

Related Posts:

Honey, I shrunk the GOP, Part 1: Conservatives vow to purge all members who support clean energy or science-based policy

Rep. Barton: Climate change is 'natural,' humans should just 'get shade'.

Gingrich sums up GOP ethos: "I am not a citizen of the world! I think the entire concept is intellectual nonsense and stunningly dangerous."

Matthew Filipowicz: Exclusive Audio Of John Ensign Asking His Parents For $96,000

2009-07-10T15:48:47Z

As you may have heard, the John Ensign mistress scandal has taken an odd turn as it was revealed in a statement by Ensign's lawyer that

In April 2008, Senator John Ensign's parents each made gifts to Doug Hampton, Cindy Hampton, and two of their children in the form of a check totaling $96,000. Each gift was limited to $12,000. The payments were made as gifts, accepted as gifts and complied with tax rules governing gifts.

We have obtained exclusive audio of John Ensign calling his parents and asking them for the money. Take a listen.

Will Durst: Grading Democracy on a Curve

2009-06-23T11:11:22Z

I want to take this time to congratulate the Iranian people for upgrading to a participatory government where they feel empowered enough to take to the streets to complain. For those of you who have been too busy digging under bushes for returnable bottle deposits, there is major rioting going on in the country formerly known as Persia, due to their sneaking suspicion of rampant voter fraud. Hundreds of thousands are risking arrest, death and worse demonstrating their shock at the corruption of their leaders. Of course, here in the US, we've learned to take that sort of thing in stride and grade on a curve.

The election results in dispute find Members Only aficionado Mahmoud Ahmadinejad winning the Presidency with 63% of the vote. Well, there's your problem right there. Mahmoud, Baby. You want to rig an election, you don't claim 63%. You squeak by with 51%. Didn't you guys learn anything from Karl Rove? At least let the other guy appear to win his home district. After all, he's not Al Gore.

In that knee jerk manner as peculiar to totalitarian regimes as bikini waxing is to cast members of "Gossip Girl," Iranian authorities blamed America for the unrest. That's right. We're responsible for their amateurish rigging of a phony election. They may have a point. In a way, it is our fault. Re- repressing a populace after they've Twittered and Facebooked and Tranny Shacked is like trying to stuff the subjugation toothpaste back into the tube. Best way is to razor the nozzle off, cram the domination back in with a rubber spatula then staple the nozzle back onto to the tube. Which is a bit unwieldy. But much easier when not exposed to the sun guns of the Western media.

Of course, our excitement over this burgeoning democracy may be a bit premature. It's not like the dissident challenger, former prime minister, Mir Hossein Moussavi, is a raging capitalist. We keep referring to him as a moderate, but in Iran, a moderate is any Shi'ite who's run out of bullets. Another inconvenient truth.

Even if the election is overturned, (about as likely as the eventual victory celebration being held at an Irish pub) you might want to hold off on sending that Constitutional Starter Kit. Don't think they're quite ready for a string of NRA chapters is all I'm saying. Just to get on the ballot over there you need the okay of the Supreme Leader. And there's another problem. How free and open is your election really when you have to clear your candidacy with somebody called Supreme Leader? Sounds like the eternal adversary of Moose and Squirrel.

The Supreme Leader in question is Ayatollah Khamenei, a totally different despot than the Ayatollah Khomeini but they do share the same barber. In response to the massive officially banned protests, Khamenei recanted his initial rubber stamp of the election and called upon the 12 member Council of Guardians to investigate the vote. Unh- hunh. Oh yeah. That's going to help. Kind of like putting the 2000 Florida election into the impartial hands of one of the candidate's brothers.

Of course, one big difference is, in Iran, when they talk about hanging chads, they're not referring to cardboard punchouts, but foreign journalists named Chad. Pretty sure they have hanging Jeremys and hanging Rogers as well. Not to mention a soon to be veritable rash of hanging Mir Hosseins.

Will Durst is a San Francisco based political comic who writes sometimes. This is one of them.

Michael Russnow: David Letterman Apology Redux: Shame on Dave for Buckling Under to Palin's Lies

2009-06-16T06:21:17Z

I feel sad for David Letterman, because in spite of the reasons he put forth in his latest mea culpa Monday night on The Late Show, he caved in, I believe, out of misplaced fear that he might be banished from his late night throne.

He won't admit it, but I believe it's true. In my article last week I felt he went too far when he went on and on about how he would never, ever tell a sexual joke about a fourteen-year-old. He looked straight at the camera and then said something to the effect of, "Hey, I'm sorry we made a mistake as to who was at the game, but you have to believe I was talking about Sarah Palin's adult daughter Bristol." All this, though there was little question that the vast majority of people who had watched knew Letterman's joke was about the Palin daughter who'd gained national fame as an expectant teenage mother.

It wasn't a great joke, but it was typical Letterman humor. This is a man who routinely makes fun of people in the news, often with fantasy references, so the Alex Rodriguez sex tryst fell right in with his normal fare. The sexual escapade was obviously phony and concerned a young woman who'd been much talked about in the national media regarding her youthful promiscuity -- a young lady whose fruits were paraded at the Republican convention and during the campaign by her ambitious mother.

Why couldn't Letterman joke about Bristol? You mean it's okay to make constant fun -- even today eleven years later -- of Monica Lewinsky, still the butt of his monologue barbs, not to mention unkind comments about her weight? And as to his probable left-leaning politics, it didn't stop Letterman from ad nausea comic slurs about Bill Clinton and Hillary's conjugal relationship.

I repeat, no one of any reasonable intelligence thought he was talking about the fourteen-year-old Willow Palin. It was her mother who framed it as such, due to some bad research on the Letterman staff's part, as there was only a passing mention to an unnamed Palin daughter at the Yankee game. It was Sarah Palin, a two bit governor of one of our nation's smallest states and the bottom half of a failed presidential campaign, who, in her zeal to stay in the spotlight, jumped at the chance to get back at one of the many comic commentators who've previously enjoyed many jokes at her expense. And she kept repeating it and repeating it even well after Letterman -- in a smart move to quickly defuse the controversy -- clarified rather emotionally last week on his show that it was Bristol who was the gag's target.

Did Palin change her tune and say, "Oh, but even though you were talking about Bristol it's still not right," which might have been questionable due to her daughter's adult age, not to mention her appearances on TV talk shows about abstinence. But she didn't and chose to ignore the truth, and at that point Palin was no longer a protective mother but an out and out liar.

However, she is not alone to blame, because the media wouldn't let up and gave Sarah Palin far too much leash, rarely questioning her motives or forcing her to deal with Letterman's clarification that the remarks were about Bristol. Indeed, many of the scathing TV attacks featuring Palin let her put forth blistering remarks, characterizing Letterman as a lecher and possibly a pedophile. There were TV reports that actually ended the story there, with no follow-up information that Letterman repeatedly had denied the joke was about the younger daughter, no doubt leaving some watching the news to believe Palin had all her facts in order.

The media coverage was so absurd that, according to Letterman, he felt obliged to apologize again. In particular, because of a remark condemning him by Mark Shields on the PBS Jim Lehrer Report. For Mark Shields to continue spreading Palin's lies about Letterman's joke, saying it was "indefensible," and that Letterman must have been aware he was talking about a 14-year-old was insupportable. It apparently hit Letterman hard, though, leading to his second apology last night.

Look, Letterman is in show biz and is probably a bit egocentric and neurotic. He kept going on about how his intent didn't matter, that it was the perception that counted. But how could there be such a perception, except for the media driving it with unrelenting zeal?

So Letterman buckled under the pressure, and that's too bad, because what he has done in this unusual act of cowardice -- he was one of my heroes -- is open the door for other groups to complain and/or to make him think far too much about satirizing anyone in the future. Satire full of silliness, setting famous people in places and situations clearly untrue in order to pay off the punch line. And his barbs spare almost no one or group.

For goodness sake, he has continually made fun of short people with his constant references to New York's Mayor Michael Bloomberg as such. He has mocked old folks, including his mother, about whom he has told nonsensical jokes about her drinking. He has contrasted our president's schedule with John McCain's, giving images of the Arizona U.S. Senator that make him look like someone with borderline Alzheimer's disease, engaged in run of the mill tasks to fill his time. He has offended gay folks with jokes like, "Did you watch the Tonys last night? [after applause]: You must all be gay." And he routinely mocks the ethnicity and competence of New York City taxi drivers.

So I worry, I really do, where all this will lead. It may make CBS happier and it may reassure Letterman's future on his late night forum, but will the show be as good if he has to worry about what he's going to say? Ironically, his monologue prior to his apology had zingers and political humor, and he made fun of the controversy, but all at his own expense. Apart from self-deprecatory remarks, will he now start to censor himself beforehand with his writers and, worse, when he interacts with his guests on the panel? All it has to take is another person to seriously complain and mislead the media and public as Sarah Palin has shamelessly done.

Letterman may insist this is the end of it and he will go back to essentially the way things were. I hope he does, but I won't believe it's true until he gets back on the proverbial horse which recently threw him and summarily launches another zinger at Palin when she deserves it.

Michael Russnow's website is www.ramproductionsinternational.com

Paul Szep: The Daily Szep: David Letterman

2009-06-15T17:03:13Z

Lee Stranahan: Researchers Discover Neurological Cause Of Republicanism But Cure Is Years Away

2009-06-10T03:58:17Z

Great Barrington, Mass -- The Obama administration's commitment to science already seems to paying dividends as researchers in the medical school at Simon's Rock College have made what they call a "major breakthrough" in discovering the neurological disorder that leads to becoming an influential Republican.

Although scientists have debated theories for years about the potential causes for Republicanism (also known as Terminal Conservativism) it's only been in recent weeks that they were able to determine the specific areas of the brain that lead to the condition, which has been nearly fatal to the United States. Despite the new findings, researchers are quick to point out that a cure is potentially decades away and that the current strain of Republicanism has mutated into a highly resistant and unpredictable disorder. They point to a recent case in New York where an outbreak was caused by a bizarre combination of marriage and military service, as well as the tragic case of the entire state of California, which is currently on life support.

Still, researchers seem confident that by finding the exact region of the human brain that leads to becoming an important and respected member of the Republican party that it will be possible to isolate and ultimately eradicate the condition. Lead Researcher Biff Stoller told reporters, "We have developed such specific data about the areas in the brain that cause GOP that we think it's only a matter of time before we start poking at it with a knitting needle. Seriously, we can't wait for that part."

So where is Republicanism? Researchers say it's in lower right cortex, between the lobes that cause you to feel awesome while driving drunk on the wrong side of a Texas freeway with a transvestite prostitute in the passenger seat of your Lincoln Navigator and the part of your brain that causes you to feel shame for sneaking into your sister's room at 2am and stuffing her panties in your mouth while suffocating her baby kitten to death with a pillow your Mom embroidered with the Ten Commandments.

Stoller explains, "This general neurological region that allows one to feel a false sense of superiority, a blind and seemingly endless pit of rage, a numbing religious guilt, barely suppressed sexual desire, and the complete lack of ability to appreciate the long terms consequences of one's own actions is area that we discovered to be exceptionally well developed in all important Republicans we've studied. Not only that, it starts throbbing like crazy even when seemingly healthy people are exposed to Republican ideas for very long."

As an example, Stoller showed a chart of a Rhode Island man who was repeatedly given expose to doses of Sean Hannity. A noticeable ridge was visible along the bottom right section of the man's brain. Stoller pointed out the sections above and below the ridge. "This section here is what makes you want to sucker punch a gymnast from the Special Olympics. And down there is the part of the human brain that decides to experiment early one Sunday morning by seeing how many pretzel sticks would fit into one's own rectum. That area in between -- that's Sean Hannity."

Lee Stranahan is a filmmaker who needs your help! Please contribute to his documentary based on economist Dean Baker's book "The Conservative Nanny State" and help fight corporate conservativism and support independent film, all at once!<.i>

Read more: Special Olympics, Gop, Neuroscience, Brain, Humor, Republican Party, Sean Hannity, Political Humor, Comedy News

Mort Gerberg: Bluebird

2009-06-09T15:01:06Z

Read more: Cartoon, Political Humor, Business News

Paul Szep: The Daily Szep: To The Dogs

2009-06-09T10:28:23Z

Read more: Cartoon, Political Humor, Comedy News

Richard Valeriani: June 8 2009: news update

2009-06-08T23:53:37Z
President Obama makes major Middle East policy address in Cairo.

1. Asks Palestinians to forgo violence. Hezbollah and Hamas, big yawn.

2. Demands end to building of illegal Israeli settlements. Netanyahu, big yawn.

3. Patronizes Muslims by saying Islam has given us "cherished music," (except where it's forbidden) and that "Throughout history, Islam has demonstrated through words and deeds the possibilities of religious tolerance and racial equality." That's obviously the "Hussein" in Barack Hussein Obama talking.

4. Notes Islam also gave us algebra. High schoolers, big yawn.

Obama makes first stop on trip in Saudi Arabia, saying he wanted to visit place where "Islam began." Does not mention it's also place where 9/11 began.

At same time Osama bin Laden puts out dueling statement excoriating US policy in Pakistan. Who does he think he is, Dick Cheney?

First time in modern times a US President goes to Middle East without visiting Israel. In Cairo speech, presses Israel to stop building settlements and recognize Palestinians' right to their own state. Pro-Israel lobby in Washington goes into overdrive.

Obama also visits Paris, with Michelle and daughters in tow. Did you see what they did? They stayed behind and shopped. Shopped! When GM is in bankruptcy. When Chrysler is fighting for its corporate life. When unemployment approaches 10%. Where's the RNC when we need them?

General Motors, now busted to Private Motors, will be mainly owned by US Government and UAW Union. What could possibly go wrong after that?

GM sells Hummer to China. Problem now is, half hour after filling up, you have to fill up again.

Ex-VP Dick Cheney finally concedes no link between Saddam Hussein and Al-Qaeda. But daughter Liz continues to insist there was a link. Guess she didn't get the family memo.

Cheney, whose daughter is gay, okays gay marriage. In this case, did get the family memo.

News reports claim major Taliban leader in Afghanistan killed. Reports disputed. NY Times story said Taliban could not be reached for comment. Did you try tweeting?

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner visits Beijing. Wanted to get first-hand look at US economy.

North Korean leader Kim Il Jong names son, Kim Il Un, as successor. To be known as Seven-up Kim-the Un-corean.

Media mogul David Geffen reportedly wants to buy big chunk of NY Times. Maybe just wants to see more gay marriages featured in Sunday Styles?

Polka dropped as Grammy category. Lawrence Welk two-stepping in his grave?

Researchers report development of gene that produces talking mice. What's the big deal? Disney has had talking mice for 60 years.

George W. Bush makes speech in Michigan, saying he misses flying on Air Force One, White House food and encounters with military personnel. What do people in Michigan miss about Bush? Nothing.

OJ Simpson to appeal conviction in Las Vegas. Tells judge he has to get out of jail to pursue search for Nicole's killer.

Read more: Obama Pro-Israel, Chrysler Bankruptcy, Israel Hezbollah, General Motors, Political Humor, Barack Hussein Obama, Obama Mideast Trip, Obama Cairo Speech, China Economy, Pakistan Democracy, Politics News

Matthew Filipowicz: Dick Cheney Passes the Keys to the Dungeon to Daughter Liz

2009-06-04T00:03:36Z
A vast majority of liberals have a hard time naming anything remotely positive when it comes to former Vice President Dick Cheney. I mean, lying us into an illegal war, torture, warrantless spying on Americans, the list goes on and on.

Now we could say "He's no longer in office." That's certainly a positive. Or the fact that his insistence on remaining in the spotlight is hurting the GOP's future electoral chances. That's a positive, too. But the truth is, Cheney has recently been doing something that's very positive and very American. He's passing on the keys to the family business. Take a look.

It's touching, isn't it? I mean here we have a man who's teaching his daughter the tricks of the family trade. Granted, his family trade is lying, but it's still sweet to see a father and daughter bonding over their attempts to rewrite history. And if you're going to learn to lie, there's no more a master craftsman than our former Vice President.

Now apparently Monday was Take Your Daughter To Work Day, because on Fox News, Dick and Liz gave an adorable joint interview to Greta Van Susteren where Dick said:

Well, I would -- you know, I'm, of course, a proud father, but I'd love to see her run for office some day. I think she's got a lot to offer. And it's been a great career for me. And if she has the interest, and I think she does, then I would like to see her to embark upon a career in politics.

It's great when a parent believes in their child. And clearly Dick has an eye for talent. Who can forget that when George W. Bush had Dick comb through Vice Presidential candidates to find the best pick and Dick suggested... himself?

Let's face it, if Liz chooses to follow in her dad's footsteps, she will have some pretty big and pretty evil shoes to fill. That's why it's important for Dick to ease her in. Keep her from being too evil, too soon.

But conservatives love her and she's off to a great start. Lying about torture? Check. Saying Obama finds it "fashionable" to "side with the terrorists"? Double check. Hell, I say all that's left is to get her a token job with Halliburton, give her the keys to the dungeon and let her rip because clearly this rotten apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter if you're someone who does that sort of thing.

UPDATE: In response to President Obama's speech in Cairo, Liz says that Obama wants to hold hands with terrorists. Insane rhetoric like that must warm her father's robotic heart.
Read more: Greta Van Susteren, Dick Cheney Torture, Liz Cheney Dick Cheney, Dick Cheney, Dick Cheney Waterboarding, Liz Cheney Msnbc, Liz Cheney, Vice President Dick Cheney, Satire, Political Humor, Halliburton, Fox News, Political Satire, Elizabeth Cheney, Humor and Satire, Torture, Politics News

Richard Valeriani: June 2 2009: News Update revised

2009-06-03T13:59:23Z
General Motors now Government Motors after being towed into bankruptcy. President Obama apparently liked his presidential Cadillac limousine so much he decided to take over the company. CIC (Commander-in-Chief) now also CSIC (Car-Salesman-in-Chief).

For first time in history, Memorial Day Sales included not only cars, but entire car companies.

Statement by onetime GM CEO Charlie "Engine" Wilson that "what's good for the country is good for GM and vice versa" still valid. Country is bankrupt, so why not GM?

Fiat wraps up global alliance with Chrysler. Are the Italians really going to do better with Chrysler than the Germans did?

Deal revives old Fiat jokes.
What do you call a Fiat on top of a hillside? A miracle.
What do you call two Fiat's on top of a hillside? Science Fiction.
What do you call three Fiat's on top of a hillside? A Fiat factory.

With GM run by the US Government and Chrysler run by Fiat, who's going to save Ford? Edsel Ford?

President Obama takes wife to dinner and a Broadway show in the Big Apple, saying he was fulfilling a campaign promise. Hope that's a precedent for rest of term.

Republicans immediately complain that "while President Obama is preparing to to wing into Manhattan's theater district on Air Force One to take in a Broadway show, GM is preparing to file for bankruptcy and families across America struggle to pay their bills."
No, that's not from The Onion, or The Daily Show or the Colbert Report or a Jay Leno monologue. That's a real statement from the RNC. You can't make this stuff up.

NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg defends Obama trip, pointing out the President is "not paid that much." (Salary of $400,00 per year, plus free housing and some other perks). Spoken like a true billionaire.

In the wake of the fatal accidental shooting of a black cop by other
cops in Harlem, Rep. Charles Rangel jokes, badly," that Obama better "make sure he doesn't run around East Harlem unidentified." Where's Don Imus when we need him? When Rangel's hand is not in your pocket, his foot is in his mouth.

Newt Gingrich charges Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor's 2001 remark about a Latina woman and a white male were racist and she should withdraw her nomination. Also says Nancy Pelosi should resign as House Speaker because she claimed CIA lied to her about torture. Gingrich certainly knows something about resigning. Sounds like he's taking the same drugs as Rush Limbaugh.

Abortion doctor George Tiller murdered in Kansas. This is pro-life?

Bill O'Reilly had vilified Tiller for years, dubbing him "Tiller the Baby Killer" and charging he "murdered" infants and had "blood on his hands." Whose blood on whose hands now, Bill?

Former presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush paid $150,000 each for engaging in televised "debate." More of a lovefest. They should give the money back.

Upset Weekend:

Swede Robin Soderling hands Rafael Nadal first defeat ever at French Open. Robin who? Robin Soderling, meet Buster Douglas.

Scottish singing sensation Susan Boyle comes in second in British talent show, has nervous breakdown. Fifteen minutes of fame are up?

Bull severely gores Spanish matador Israel Lancho. Way to go, Toro. Hope they allow you to retire to stud.

Conan O'Brien debuts as Jay Leno's replacement on "Tonight Show," gets mixed reviews. O'Brien as new Coke? Letterman salivating? Even Jimmy Kimmel thinking of moving to 11:35PM.

Read more: Sonia Sotomayor Supreme Court, The Onion, Chrysler, General Motors, Michael Bloomberg, Political Humor, Fiat, The Daily Show, Barack Obama, Politics News