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Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap

So, Did Melissa Cheat?

Sydney Levin | Posted 08.19.2013 | TV
Sydney Levin

Teresa informs Kim D. that she's in a "good place" with Melissa, and that the night will go well. Hot damn, that girl has an incredible talent for foreshadowing in bad eyeshadow.

The Surgery That Nobody Supports

Sydney Levin | Posted 08.12.2013 | TV
Sydney Levin

Jacqueline is obsessed with changing her body, but has no regard for her overall well-being. If anything needs to be cut out of poor Jacqueline, it's not excess skin: It's the darkness and pain that has taken over her mind and clouded her vision.

The 'Housewives' Have Never Done This Before

Sydney Levin | Posted 07.28.2013 | TV
Sydney Levin

The speed at which these women are moving to fix things could break your neck ... or at least dislodge your extensions. Is any of this genuine, and how will they feel when their drunken promises fade into awkward hangovers?

There Will Be Sobs

Sydney Levin | Posted 07.21.2013 | TV
Sydney Levin

Joe grabs Teresa's face and kisses it voraciously, like a starving man finally being handed a steak. Sobs rack his body and suddenly he's heaving, totally giving himself over to the emotion and crying into her face and clothes and hair like a small child.

Brother-In-Law Beat Down

Sydney Levin | Posted 07.15.2013 | TV
Sydney Levin

Gorga throws all two feet of his body at Giudice, and they're officially in the shortest fight ever. Don't get me wrong, it lasts a pretty decent amount of time ... I just mean it's like watching champs at the International Stunted Growth Invitational flail their T-Rex arms about with gusto.

With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies?

Sydney Levin | Posted 07.07.2013 | TV
Sydney Levin

Kim D. and her posse of hags walk in and Rich motions for her to sit right down in the lion's den. "I heard about your little outing," Melissa tells her calmly. "[Jan] doesn't like you anymore, and I have not done anything wrong," Kim D. quickly says in defense of herself.

All Hell Breaks Loose At The Bar

Sydney Levin | Posted 08.31.2013 | TV
Sydney Levin

This week we open in Melissa's home, where she's at the computer pretending that she's not actually dictating the contents of her book to a ghost writer.

Gym, Tan, Kill Your Sibling

Sydney Levin | Posted 06.24.2013 | TV
Sydney Levin

Though Teresa tries to put up a strong front, it's obvious that the year of silence has been painful. She finally confronts Joe ... by standing over him as he gets ready to bench press. Now, the brother she hasn't seen in oh-so-long is literally talking to her lady garden.

Fight for Your Right To Party

Sydney Levin | Posted 06.17.2013 | TV
Sydney Levin

"There's no need to run home to my brother and make it bigger than it is," Teresa says in her interview. Note how she says "my brother" and not "her husband." Teresa still feels like she has ownership over Joe, and she views Melissa as her replacement and mortal enemy.

Eat, Pray, Lunch

Sydney Levin | Posted 06.09.2013 | TV
Sydney Levin

As Teresa speaks, Caroline dusts off her infamous head tilt, which is often followed by other signature gestures, such as "wild arms" and "terrifying low voice of death." As Teresa stumbles through her side of the story, Caroline rocks out all her moves.

Families & Homes Torn Apart

Sydney Levin | Posted 06.03.2013 | TV
Sydney Levin

"I'm willing to go talk to your sister," Caroline says selflessly. Then, Joe offers Caroline the same advise that I'd offer to you, my dear readers, as we embark on this Season 5 journey together: "Wear some armor and bring a hand gun."

'RHONJ' Reunion Part 3 Recap: Everyone Finally Snaps

Sydney Levin | Posted 10.15.2012 | TV
Sydney Levin

Hello, and welcome back to "Demonic Possession Is a Real Thing" Part 3. The palpable hatred in No. 1 led to the blood bath in No. 2, so at this point, we're basically kicking an extremely dead (but still sparkly) horse.

'RHONJ Reunion Part 2': Sex, Lies & Dead Dads

Sydney Levin | Posted 10.08.2012 | TV
Sydney Levin

Andy cuts right to the chase and asks Joe who he was really talking to in the vineyard. "Uh, Albie. A friend of mine, I was taking care of things back home," Joe says succinctly.

'RHONJ' Season Finale Recap: Stripping Rumor Tears Family Apart

Sydney Levin | Posted 09.24.2012 | TV
Sydney Levin

We're transported back in time to the Season 3 reunion, and as you'll recall Jacqueline wasn't there. Caroline explained that the "incident last night" kept her from attending, and now, a year later, we finally know what that was.

'RHONJ' Season Finale Recap: Someone Was A Stripper ...

Sydney Levin | Posted 11.12.2012 | TV
Sydney Levin

Hello, season finale part one! You fall on Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish "Day of Judgment" -- so tonight, I feel God has actually granted me permission to tear some shiksa housewives a new one.

'RHONJ' Recap: Look Who's Back!

Sydney Levin | Posted 09.10.2012 | TV
Sydney Levin

I used to love Caroline for attempting to rise above all the drama, but now she's digging around in its sandbox. Don't agree? Let's have a rousing but cordial discussion in the comments, shall we?

'RHONJ' Recap: A 'Housewife' Finally Cracks

Sydney Levin | Posted 08.27.2012 | TV
Sydney Levin

Next thing we know, a strangled sob bursts from Caroline's dark room. She used to be a delightfully spontaneous mix of emotion, sarcasm and warmth. Now, she is capable of turning it on and off like a faucet

'RHONJ' Recap: The Phone Call Heard 'Round the World

Sydney Levin | Posted 08.20.2012 | TV
Sydney Levin

It's the horrific moment when Teresa's husband Joe is outed as a juicy cheater/verbally abusive husband. Get your popcorn and medicinal cocktail, folks ... your significant other is about to look a whole lot better.

'RHONJ' Recap: Before The Fall (And The Call)

Sydney Levin | Posted 08.13.2012 | TV
Sydney Levin

"There's nothing but trees and grass and us," Caroline deadpans. "Kill me now." In this desolate area, the only thing they can do is talk amongst themselves ... and with this group, that's not a very titillating activity.

'RHONJ' Recap: Hell On Wheels

Sydney Levin | Posted 07.29.2012 | TV
Sydney Levin

They hit up Camping World, and it's like "letting wild animals go free," Jacqueline explains. The cash register kaching-kachings upwards of $4,000. "I think maybe we overbought," Jacqueline observes as she watches overflowing carts go by.

'RHONJ' Recap: Sugar And Spice And Nothing Nice

Sydney Levin | Posted 07.23.2012 | TV
Sydney Levin

Kathy and Richie have popped over to wish Teresa well. They are family, after all, and it's important to support each other. But as soon as Kathy gets to the table, she uses that precious time to invite Teresa to HER upcoming dessert tasting.

'RHONJ' Recap: Public Displays of Humiliation

Sydney Levin | Posted 07.16.2012 | TV
Sydney Levin

Melissa and Gia take the stage at Beatstock, while the Manzo family tries to sell some sauce and Blk. water. Plus, the oddest guest in 'Housewives' history: Patti LaBelle.

'RHONJ' Recap: Analyze This [Beep]

Sydney Levin | Posted 07.03.2012 | TV
Sydney Levin

Teresa drops a pretty heinous bomb: She says Rosie felt left out because Kathy "hated the fact that her sister was gay." This stands in stark contrast to everything we've seen ... and it's about the lowest blow dealt on this show.

'Real Housewives of New Jersey' Recap: My How the Tables Have Turned

Sydney Levin | Posted 06.25.2012 | TV
Sydney Levin

"Can't you believe how much the tables have turned?" Teresa smirks. "I never imagined me getting along with Melissa and Kathy, but fighting with Jacqueline and Caroline." But Jacqueline whimpers, "I lost a best friend tonight."

'Real Housewives of New Jersey' Recap: When Friends Divorce

Sydney Levin | Posted 06.18.2012 | TV
Sydney Levin

As awful as Teresa can be, it's not fun to watch her friends systematically dump her to her face. "I feel like I'm going through a friendship divorce," she says.