Out of 296 applicants, not one Tea Party organization was denied non-profit status. Admittedly, some had to wait. And that's what the major charges boil down to: the IRS making things difficult. Imagine that. An inconvenient interaction with the government.

Next you'll tell me the Justice Department investigation of the Justice Department's seizure of AP reporters' phone records will lead to the Justice Department concluding that the Justice Department did nothing wrong.

The Washington punditry has banded together to float the notion that President Obama's second term agenda has stalled. Holey moley, guys. You left the movie before the opening credits rolled.

Some maladjusted California state senator who obviously didn't get enough hugs from his mommy has singlehandedly set out to shackle another of our nation's emerging industries to the cement block of job-killing restriction.

You can smell it in the air. The musty team T-shirts pulled from the backs of closets and bottoms of wardrobes. The roasting of foot-long bratwursts on an open grill behind third base. That odd pungent odor emanating from the men's room. Baseball is back and all is right with the world.

Whenever permanently displaying an impromptu decision made in a questionable state of sobriety at the age of 18, problems inevitably arise. For instance, is youth aware their extravagantly illustrated canvases have a tendency to deteriorate over time?

When you think about it, the only thing that really went right with 2012 was we misread the Mayan Calendar. Everything else is either worse than we found it or the same.

Calm yourselves, kiddies, it's not really a cliff. More of a slim slope or bit of a ditch. A minor incline. It's an artificial crisis. Something our country's politicians specialize in.

Due to the slick situation, eternal congestion and some inexplicable glitch that has turned all the surface street stop lights to red, further delays are expected to spread across the nation as the country experiences a massive impasse on all roads leading to the cutoff meant to avert the dreaded Fiscal Cliff.

Looking for the dead solid skinny on the upcoming presidential election? You've come to the right place. As a public service, we're going to tell you right here and now who wins this thing and why.

Nobody cares how he did it. The main thing is: Obama got his mojo back. He remojoed. The Major Mojo Mofo no longer runs in Slo-Mo. He was focused, energized and seemed determined to not let the challenger go all Joe Frazier on his butt again.

On the style versus substance front, the GOP rep accused the Vice President of being loud, overbearing and rude. The very same qualities they called bold and commanding when Romney wore them last week. Hey, you guys: make up your mind. Pot-kettle-black much?

Romney's pollster Neil Newhouse called the Obama Bounce "a sugar high." That may be so, but you got to remember, in tough times like these, a lot of we normal Americans got ourselves a heavy hankering for anything sweet. Even one of those sugar-free cookies.

And now a few words about the Republican National Convention (AKA the convention for women with big hair and the men in white shoes who love them). And white certainly was the operable word in Tampa. Mashed potatoes on paper plates with a side of leeks white.

"Romney-Ryan." Short, alliterative and one syllable more conservative than "Obama-Biden."

First there was Romney Care, and now we got Obama Care, but if the hard line conservatives get their way, this country is going to end up with We Don't Care. Less Care For You. Couldn't Care Less.

Absolutely nothing happened at the G-20. And for nothing to happen on a global scale, with markets around the world as precarious as a glass sculpture above a nuclear test site located on an earthquake fault in a sandstorm, is exactly what everyone was praying for.

Mitt Romney doesn't have what you might call an actual distinct personality. He's more of a virgin canvas. A good-looking blank slate onto which any number of convictions and philosophies can be believably projected. He's the coloring book and we voters, the crayons.

You don't need a psychoanalyst to detect the latent theme running through the endorsements currently showering Mitt Romney like broken rain gutters pouring down on a concrete toadstool. And that premise is ennui.

Rush Limbaugh jumped into the fray accusing Obama of waging a "War on Marriage." Everything's a "war" with this guy. Bet he calls breakfast a War on Pancakes.

The two campaigns are poised to pivot like a fat kid on roller skates clutching an expiring candy store coupon based on whatever data they receive from their intensely studied focus groups of potential voters.

We're entering general election territory, so anything Mitt Romney might have said up during the primary... no longer applies. We're beginning anew. Reshuffling the deck. The winter of our discontent has been made glorious summer by this Son of Dork.

Due to the rarified air of the highest court in the land, the arguments were solemn, dignified and incisive. "Obamacare Sucks!" "Does not." "Does So." "Does Not." Like that, only in elevated lawyer language.

All those allusions to the front runner being a distant android or impassive cyborg or corporatized zombie have been shelved because one of his own staffers offered up a more perfect crystallization: the Etch-A-Sketch candidate.

All Mitt Romney has been doing for five years is training to run for President. How much better can he get at this? Pretty sure his learning curve has used up all its bendy parts.