Over in Samoa, Jerri, having profited from the use of Candice's disloyalty, now suggested cutting her loose, for being untrustworthy. Excuse me? Show me one Insufferable who is trustworthy.

No matter what those dopey Twilight movies tell you, werewolves make lousy house pets. But someone else was morphing into a monster under last night's full moon as well...

Happy Shakespeare's Birthday everyone. Let's celebrate by talking about Survivor, which is exactly what Shakespeare would have written if only he had had no talent.

Parvati didn't flip and Courtney's skeleton went back to her graveyard or haunted castle or wherever it is that living skeletons hang out. Poor JT. Totally betrayed.

There really is no one left to root for playing Survivor. (It's not like Rupert has a chance of winning. Get real.) The only thing left to make one tune it in is to see the inevitable fall of Bulbous Baggins, aka, Russell The Hobbit on Crack.

Rob described Tyson the Mormon Moron as having been "as dumb as a bag of rocks," although I think this was unnecessarily insulting to bags of rocks.

After returning from Tribal Council, my beautiful James asked Colby "You want a hug?" and the idiot said: "No." Is he insane? First he turned down chocolate, now he's turned down a chocolate hug.

Jeff opened the big three hour finale and reunion show by reading my recaps aloud over clips, only he cut all the good jokes. Well, Colby remained, and he's still a joke.

It's almost over. Just one little hour tonight, and then the big two-hour finale followed by live reunion show, which will hopefully be the last anyon...

Sadly, not every episode of Survivor can be as much fun as last week's dynamite combination of Voldepussy's crying jag and James dripping baby oil.

We opened this week with Voldetool (Ex-Coach Wade for any new readers), going into a ridiculous emotional tailspin because Sandra had dared to point out that he was a lazy, mouth-running, idiot.

What? Survivor again? All I care about is how feral Claire turned into Rousseau, becoming Clouseau. Oh well, it's a dirty job, especially this week, b...

Samoa's war between the Likeables and the Insufferables continues. It may not be getting as much international attention the Olympics, but at least in Samoa, the contestants are stripped down.

Survivor is back for its 20th season. This time, they've promised to answer all our questions. And thanks to a judge who believes in good TV, we don't have Richard Hatch to put up with.