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Gaddafi Found Playing Dominoes in Washington Heights

Ben Berkon | Posted 10.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

In international news, rebels revealed today that the tyrannical Libyan leader, Muammar Gaddafi, has been located on the corner of 170th and St. Nicholas Avenue in New York City.

Yankees to Use Sack Filled With $24 Million as Fourth Starter

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

Ever since the 2010 season ended, the Yankees and their fans have been anxiously looking to shell out an obscene amount of money. The Yankees front office thinks this sack will do the trick.

College Students Honestly Confused About How to Get Completely Sh*t-Faced Without Four Loko

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

Four Loko, which contains 12% alcohol and various forms of high-caffeine supplements, has provided an easy path to "blacking out" -- an event that once took a honest night of binge drinking and dabbling in various life-threatening drugs.

New FlashForward DVD Set to Include "Blackout" Feature

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

In entertainment news, the new FlashForward DVD set, which was originally released August 31st, will now come standard with a "blackout" feature so viewers won't remember how terrible the series was after watching it.

Americans Outraged About New "Ground Zero Halal Cart"

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

In New York news, Americans from all over the country have publicly opposed the institution of a new Halal cart near Ground Zero in Lower Manhattan.

Supreme Court Rules in Favor of Instituting Controversial "Grenade-Launching Cross Bows" Clause in Second Amendment

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

I wouldn't be fulfilling my duty as a Supreme Court Justice if I didn't seriously consider the necessity of freely arming citizens with a dual anti-personnel/medieval warfare weapons.

Glee to Create Spin-Off from Terrible Glee Audition Footage

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

The new Glee spin-off will feature hours of people's desperate attempts to laughably resemble the obviously very talented cast of Glee.

New "Motion-Sensor" Video Game Systems Still Haven't Fixed Glitch Which Prevents Gamers From Going Outdoors

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

In entertainment news, despite Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft all entering the state-of-the-art world of "motion-sensor" video games, their systems still haven't fixed the glitch which prevents gamers from going outdoors.

Facebook to Launch New Mandatory Social Security Number Section on Profile

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

In technology news, Facebook has once again redefined the line of online privacy this week by launching a new mandatory "social security number" section on user's profiles.

LeBron James Still Unsure of Off-Season Decision, Despite Wearing a New York Knicks Jersey During Playoffs

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

In NBA news, while LeBron James has been mostly silent about his impending free-agency decision throughout the season, he still maintains that he is u...

President Ahmadinejad: "7/11 Isn't Real"

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

Ahmadinejad has claimed that the American mini-mart chain is merely a figment of people's imaginations, and if it did exist, it would most certainly serve mediocre coffee and stale donuts.

President Obama to Address Staggering 68.5% Unemployment Rate Among People Named "John"

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

Despite the bleak outlook for people named "John," President Obama pointed to the comparatively lower unemployment rates for people named "Jon" or "Jonathan" as a signs of encouragement.

Record 106 Million Viewers Tune Into Super Bowl Commercials

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

A record 106 million viewers tuned in this past Sunday to watch the much-anticipated Super Bowl commercials -- surpassing the commercials shown during the finale of Mash in 1983.

Tiger Woods Disappointed Wife Didn't Use Four Iron

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

Tiger Woods, who has been tight-lipped about the odd occurrence at his home last week, has now publicly displayed disappointment about his wife's club selection.

Democrats Dismiss Republican Michael Steele's Comments as "Typical Negro Dialect"

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

Many Democrats have come out of the woodwork to build up Harry Reid's character, despite the fact that his comments were undeniably and inherently racist.

Dick Cheney Claims President Obama's New Haircut is a Sign of 'Letting Terrorists Win'

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

Former Vice President Dick Cheney has made yet another public outcry against President Obama, claiming Obama's recent haircut is a sign of "letting the terrorists win."

"The Fruit Stand Guy Has a Nicer Cell Phone Than I Do" - A Comedic Reflection of the Crazy State of Technology

Ben Berkon | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Ben Berkon

"The fruit stand guy has a nicer cell phone than I do" has long been a running joke in my family. It is also, in a weird un-fruit-like way, reflective of our current, crazy society.